Today I decided to fight harder... Power thoughts...

Hi everybody,

It feels great to find a place where you can talk about this harsh experience and people will actually get you. I am 25 years old and I moved to US. 9 months ago. After, crushing at my sister's house for 3 months, my fiancee and me decided to move in together. We found this basement apartment, that seemed comfy and affordable. Everything was going fine, until spring was almost over. I started being constantly worry, irritable, felt sad at times and lonely, even though everything was fine with my fiancee. My worries were most about not having a job or friends. So one night, I felt my whole world collapsed, I was watching the TV with my boy and suddenly, I felt my heart beating so fast I thought it was going to come out, my chest got really tight, I felt dizzy and an "emptiness" between my stomach and neck that felt like i was dying. My fiancee called 911 and they took me to the nearest ER. Indeed, my heart was a little fast but everything came up normal. This was the beginning of what is the toughest time of my life.

After that first episode, I have experienced many many symptoms, palpitations, sweaty palms, throat tightness, swallowing issues, gas, sinus pressure, headaches, dizzyness, i felt disconnected from this world, increase saliva, dry mouth, problems breathing, nightmares and muscle aches. I have been through every doctor, and everything seemed fine. I finally went to a psychiatrist who gave clonazepam and paxil. They helped a little bit, but i am too afraid to take medicines because i think about its side effects right away. I went to a psychologist and she helped discover the root of the problem.

My friend died 3 years ago from a heart attack, he was only 22 years old. It is one of the saddest events I've lived in my life. I am constantly reliving those moments (funeral and all that). I am afraid I might died or someone else I love. I get scare if i feel any kind of pain. My body is constantly alert now, so alert that I could be calm but If i present any symptoms, my body would react on its own.

I don't want to make this post so long because it is always too much to tell. But It feels good to share this. I decided to take it step by step. I'm walking and practicing relaxation exercises. I'm talking to myself and listening to positive speeches. I'm a believer, so I am trying to reach more to God. I don't want to give up and I won't.

3 Things I've learned so far:
1. Don't stop going outside or doing normal things. Even though, you have to take a break or sit somewhere. But don't stay home.

2. If it is something life threatening why nothing has happened yet. It is because there is nothing wrong with us.

3. We need the support of others. By ourselves it would be near impossible.

Thank you for reading me... Hope to receive a few replies.

God bless you all