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Tired of living

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My family never understands me. I've been depressed for almost a year and I thought about suicide every day. I dreamed countless ways of suicide. I feel like there is no hope for me and there is nothing else I can do. My brain keeps telling me to kill myself. When I told my mother about it, she agreed to take me to a psychiatrist, but after five minutes she said to me " But what if instead of spending money on one, how about you just get rid of these feelings and be happy?" I wanted to cry. So I did something that even now I don't regret at all. And I keep stressing myself about it. I don't care if my parents weep or anything, no one will remember me in ten years, or even less. I don't need pity, or words that don't mean anything to me. I do go to a psychologist, but for my introvert "problem". So I just don't talk about it. I just lie. Or I talk less. Everyone tells me that I talk too much, that I should shut up. I'm so tired of it. Sorry if it's too long for anyone to read, I will shush.
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