It is important to note that when I am home and not expected to leave, I am happy. I have a great time with my kids (who usually hang out with me in my room/office) and I love to have company. Anyone visiting me in my home would have no idea of the fears I have.
Last year I did not leave home for almost 2 months. I hadn't even realized it. When I eventually left home to go to the store I noticed that there was a new building down the road from my house that I had never seen. My husband and kids told me that it had been there for weeks...this left me doing some calculations and eventually discovering that it had been 8 weeks since I had left home. I was shocked.
In the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I operated a home business in web design...allowing me to rarely leave my house. When he and I married, I began working from home again (doing what I do currently...marketing.) For the longest time I blamed my husband for my inability to leave home. He was a bit jealous and his jealousy became my excuse...even after the jealousy was an issue of past, I still would say things like "I can't go to Wal-mart...you'll think I'm going to meet someone!" And I truly believed it. It became to much and my husband and I separated for about 6 weeks. During that 6 weeks, I found that I STILL had a difficult time leaving home. That was my wake up call. Suddenly there was no one to blame my inability to leave home on. And I started thinking back...when did this all begin? I traced it back to my youth. Most defintely by the time that I was 18 years old. I was in an abusive marriage and had my eldest son...and I would only leave home twice a month. I finally took responsibility for the disorder. It wasn't anyone else's fault.
...but now that I KNOW it is my responsibility---how do I overcome it?
