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Q: thoughts out of order

asked by: Lilitha on May 7th, 2008

New User

Hello everyone.I`m new to this forum and I have read a few of your topics which i find very helpful.However I didn`t find the answer i was seeking so I decided to make a new topic.
First of all,I`m not diagnosed as schizophrenic.I have been diagnosed and treated from bulimia,but i don`t think that that is important.
The reason why I`m posting it in this forum is because I read about delusions being symptoms of schizophrenia.I`m not stating I have,but I just wanted to ask one thing-for one year now there was an idea in my head that I`m an experiment of some scientists and that all the things around me(people,objects)are illusions made by them(the scientists)in order to test me.At first I found it ridiculous,but the thought kept coming in to my brain more and more and now I think about it 24/7.And the scary thing is that I somehow believe in it.I even cry because I think that my whole life has never existed,my parents never loved me because they are not real and stuff.I wake up at night and keep thinking,I can`t even sleep.I talk to the scientists when I`m angry,I punch the walls of the room they are keeping me in that is invisible to me,but i feel like they exist.I sometimes feel like there are needles attached to my body,even now I feel like I`m watched.And the worse part is that i feel all alone.Cause I think that everyone are fake and no one can help me.I can`t be happy at something,because when i am there is always a voice that tells me``but this is all an illusion``.And I`m not sure what to believe anymore.I can`t trust anyone and I don`t know what is real and what isn`t.Apart from that I see things,scary things that are giving me the creeps and I think that those are creatures that the scientists sent to kill me because I`m realizing their plan.I sometimes stare at one point for hours,sometimes I`m very hyper,but i feel like something else is controlling me(the scientists of course).I`m very insecure right now.I`m not even sure is this forum not part of their plan,but I still have some thoughts that this is the real world.It`s getting worse every day.I tried telling to my parents,but they tell me that I`m acting to get attention and then the thought about the scientists gets even deeper.I can`t feel love,hate or anything,because I think everyone is an illusion,but in the same time I feel like they are real and I really don`t know what to believe in.What scares me most is that one day i`m gonna believe in this thought so much that I will kill someone and then I will realize that this world is real.
I`m sorry that it is all so confusing,but I can`t put my thoughts in order.There are so much things I want to say,but I don`t find ways to say it.I will be very thankful if you answer me.

Replies(28)

antigone

replied on May 7th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I don't know that I can provide the answer you seek but I will give you my thoughts on what you are experiencing.

First, these thoughts are abnormal and you should seek some medical attention for them. See a psychiatrist and have an evaluation done.

Mental health disorders tend to progress when left untreated. The thoughts will not go away on their own. These thoughts are causing you distress and anxiety. Left untreated your anxiety is likely to increase.

It would appear that you are experiencing some visual hallucinations as well. This may be a progression of a disorder that you are suffering from.

You need treatment. Medications can help to alleviate some of the symptoms you are experiencing. Medication can help with some of the disorganized thoughts and help with paranoia. Much of what you describe is consistent with mental health disorders. These types of disorders need medical attention.

I hope you will seek some professional help. You deserve to live free of these debilitating symptoms.

Philo

replied on May 8th, 2008

Experienced User

I agree with antigone. If your parents don't want to take you to a psychiatrist, then go talk to your school councelor or nurse.

binhhoangtuong2005

replied on May 8th, 2008

New User

I have schizophrenia for almost 3 years. I had the same thinking like you do. I hear voices, see things. But treat they are not real, because they don't know anything, the thing just read from your mind and repeat back. There is no one have the power to listen to your thinking. Only you know. You absolutely need treatment. They are NOT REAL. They don't know more than you do. Any thinking or ideas are come from your mind, not the thing (Spirits body), they don't know anything.

Georgia59

replied on May 8th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

I also agree. I don't thing it's necessarily schizophrenia (though it could be) but could also be something else (obsessive thoughts, for example) that you could get help for.

Either way, getting help now is your best bet, as many conditions show up around adolescence/ early adulthood and worsen if not treated. Good luck!

Lilitha

replied on May 9th, 2008

New User

Thank you all for your replies.I still don`t know what to do.At one moment I`m calm,the next I`m paranoid again.It`s really hard to make a decision with my mood and thoughts changing so fast.The dark figures are getting more and more real,I even hear someone talking to me,insulting me.I see people behind me and I`m sure that now they have sent someone to scare me and even kill me.Maybe i really should tell someone,but who when I not only don`t trust anyone,but I don`t believe that anyone exists. Sad

I`m very confused.

antigone

replied on May 9th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Go to your parents. I assure you they are real. You need intervention. Don't wait and let this mental state persist. I hope you will tell your parents and get help.

Sinc17

replied on May 10th, 2008

New User

Wow man Your story scares me. I had deliusional thoughts and paranoid like hell but this is worse
Take the tips of the people above

Lilitha

replied on May 28th, 2008

New User

Hey to all,I have a question,but I don`t think it is necessary to open a new topic for it.So I have these weird voices in my head.I mean,they are not from the outside,I`m sure they are coming from my head.I read about mind racing and mind chatter and I first thought they were something like that.But then again,I read that the thoughts from the mind chatter are absolutely random and most often with your own voice.But mine are nothing like that.They are different voices from mine,and they talk back when I say something to them.Or they talk to each other.But they don`t come from the outside,so I don`t think that they are auditory hallucinations.And most of all,they are driving me nuts,especially at night when they don`t shut up.My once from 6 to 8 hours sleeping has now turned into 3 to 5 hours sleep in a day because of them.
Does anybody know what can this be?I tried looking for them in the net,but nothing really came up.

harmony1

replied on May 29th, 2008

Supporter

I agree with antigone. I'd say it's the same sort of thing. Have you seen a doctor about this?? I think you need medication. How long has this been going on?

Honestly love go and see a doctor. I had psychosis (drug induced) at some stage in my life and I can relate to what you're experiencing. It's not a good thing. If you don't treat it now it can get worse and that's when it really does begin to get scary.
Please go get the help you need. find out what has triggered it and get the medicatin to put a stop to it and to put your mind at ease.

Take care love,

Harmony1 xo

Lilitha

replied on May 30th, 2008

New User

Thanks for the reply Harmony.
No,I haven't seen a doctor about it.There are very important exams in a month waiting for me and I focus mostly on them and I guess I will consider going to a doctor after they have passed and I have received the results of them.
The thought about the scientists?It has been in my head for an year or two maybe,but I began actually believing in it maybe three months ago and since then I feel like it is getting worse.I can't control my emotions right now.I start crying without any reason or laugh when there is nothing to laugh about.And,yeah,a real nightmare. Wink

Maybe I do want to see a doctor,cause I'm starting to freak myself out too.But I don`t want to stress my parents,especially my father,because he has an operation awaiting him,he has enough on his nerves and the last thing he needs is his daughter wanting to see a doctor.He would never admit it,but I know it is true.
So I guess I don'`t have much of a choice,I have to wait for the summer when things get more peaceful.

harmony1

replied on June 3rd, 2008

Supporter

You need medical attention sweetie

You poor thing. Can't you go and see a doctor yourself perhaps. I understand what you mean with not wanting to worry your parents but it's your health you're talking about. Do you have anybody else you can talk to or trust that may be able to take you to the doctor?
You need to go and see a psychiatrist or at least a doctor love. I can't stress this enough. Especially since it's getting worse. trust me I had something similar and the sooner you go the better.
Theres nothing to worry about. they'll just prescribe you medication and thats it. You'll start to feel better. Don't let it drag on.

Remember that none of it is real. There is no scientist. It's not real sweetie.
Please see a doctor.

Harmony1 xo

harmony1

replied on June 3rd, 2008

Supporter

Talk with Mum.

I just had a read of your first post again. I just wanted to reasuure you again that there are no scientists. You're parents love you and they have always been here with you. None of what is going on inside your head is real (like the experiments)
I know how real it seems to you. Thats why you need medical attenetion. Tell your mum what is going on. Better you go and tell them now then they realise for themselves when you get worse.

I want you to go and talk with your mum and tell her everything..
She loves you and she'll take care of you.

Harmony xo

harmony1

replied on June 3rd, 2008

Supporter

If you're afraid to tell her yourself. I can do it for you. just send me her email address or contact # via PM and country you're in as I'm in Australia and there's time difference thing. You don't in any way have to. Only if you'd feel better with someone else telling her. I wish I was there with you and could help you. It's heartbreaking to read that you're going through this alone.. You don't need to be feeling this way. you should get help. See a doctor..

harmony1xo

Users who thank harmony1 for this post: Lilitha

Lilitha

replied on June 4th, 2008

New User

Thank you for the warm words.I really appreciate that you are concerned about me and I'm happy that there is someone who cares.But I have a girl that only I can hear,but sounds pretty real,that is tormenting me all the time and it's hell living with her.:/ She says that I don't have schizophrenia or anything,I'm just a spoiled brat desperate for attention.And I kind of believe her. Sad

But I will try talking to my parents even that she will get angry at me for doing so after that.
Thank you again for the advice and everything. Smile

You are a great person.

harmony1

replied on June 4th, 2008

Supporter

Hi Lilitha : )

I still remember the first time I got treatment. They gave me some medication and I felt Sooo much better.
Is there a hospital nearby? You need to go to the hospital.I stayed in
hospital for just one night then they prescribed me meds and I went home.
Do you live with your parents? If so can you tell them right now that you're hearing voices and you need to go to hospital. If they aren't home just call them at work. You need to go to the hospital.

I'll try and explain to you whats going on. You are having a psychotic episode. Which then means that your brain is not functioning properly. You're hearing all these things in your head because of this. You need medication to fix your brain so it can start to work properly again. Thats all it is.

Harmony1 xo

Lilitha

replied on June 5th, 2008

New User

I'm afraid that there is no hospital near to my house,but that is not such a problem.To be honest I would hate staying in a hospital for a day or even more,but I guess that it is necessary.
And I heard that the pills they give for "calming down" voices and such have pretty much negative sides.Is that true? Sad

Anyway,yes I do live with my parents and I just am thinking of a way of telling them without them freaking out. Smile

harmony1

replied on June 5th, 2008

Supporter

Hi Lilitha

Hi Lilitha,

I'm not sure what they gave me when I went to hospital. it was a liquid. It calms you right down very quickly. nothing bad about it at all. Then they'll prescribe you an anti psychotic which is what you need to get your brain working properly again. I used risperdone for a short time, I think a few months.
They also prescribed me sleeping tablets which is great because you can get a good sleep after all this drama you've been going through and they gave me valiums to calm me down. No, i think the medication was great. it got me back to where I needed to be. Just like it will for you. Smile

right now, you have to concentrate on getting your brain to work properly again.

I know you want all this madness to stop. You just need to tell your parents. There's nothing to be afraid of. Once you get medication and the support you need from your parents each day will get better and better.

Harmony xo

harmony1

replied on June 5th, 2008

Supporter

The other good thing about your parents knowing is that once thay know whats going on they can reasure you that what you're experiencing is not real. The mediaction works but it takes some time. My boyfrined was with me when I was having a psychotic episode. He really helped me get through it. Just by being there. That way when you get scared and start thinking it's real you just sit with them and it goes away for a little while.

Lilitha

replied on June 9th, 2008

New User

Well things didn't go very well.I was going to tell my mom,but just before I got to the subjects I suddenly snapped and started to do something weird.i mean I started crying and laughing and I was saying what the girl that I mentioned before was saying to me about my parents.And then I relaxed again like nothing happened.
My mom who saw everything said that I was acting strange lately.I was going to tell her why,but then she told me that I should stop seeking attention and that there is nothing wrong with me.That I was perfectly fine.That I should stop faking things.She said that if I think that there is something wrong with me she would send me a psychiatrist to show me there is nothing wrong with me.When I think about it now,maybe she was just trying to calm me down,but I felt horrible.Every thought of me telling her about what I think and hear and see just vanished and I said that I don't want to see a psychiatrist and that her professional opinion is enough for me.Then I went to my room and cried the whole night.Maybe she is just ignorant or maybe I really am an experiment.I don't know.

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