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Lilitha
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thoughts out of order
Posted: 05-07-08 16:12pm
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Hello everyone.I`m new to this forum and I
have read a few of your topics which i
find very helpful.However I didn`t find
the answer i was seeking so I decided to
make a new topic.
First of all,I`m not diagnosed as
schizophrenic.I have been diagnosed and
treated from bulimia,but i don`t think
that that is important.
The reason why I`m posting it in this
forum is because I read about delusions
being symptoms of schizophrenia.I`m not
stating I have,but I just wanted to ask
one thing-for one year now there was an
idea in my head that I`m an experiment of
some scientists and that all the things
around me(people,objects)are illusions
made by them(the scientists)in order to
test me.At first I found it ridiculous,but
the thought kept coming in to my brain
more and more and now I think about it
24/7.And the scary thing is that I somehow
believe in it.I even cry because I think
that my whole life has never existed,my
parents never loved me because they are
not real and stuff.I wake up at night and
keep thinking,I can`t even sleep.I talk to
the scientists when I`m angry,I punch the
walls of the room they are keeping me in
that is invisible to me,but i feel like
they exist.I sometimes feel like there are
needles attached to my body,even now I
feel like I`m watched.And the worse part
is that i feel all alone.Cause I think
that everyone are fake and no one can help
me.I can`t be happy at something,because
when i am there is always a voice that
tells me``but this is all an
illusion``.And I`m not sure what to
believe anymore.I can`t trust anyone and I
don`t know what is real and what
isn`t.Apart from that I see things,scary
things that are giving me the creeps and I
think that those are creatures that the
scientists sent to kill me because I`m
realizing their plan.I sometimes stare at
one point for hours,sometimes I`m very
hyper,but i feel like something else is
controlling me(the scientists of
course).I`m very insecure right now.I`m
not even sure is this forum not part of
their plan,but I still have some thoughts
that this is the real world.It`s getting
worse every day.I tried telling to my
parents,but they tell me that I`m acting
to get attention and then the thought
about the scientists gets even deeper.I
can`t feel love,hate or anything,because I
think everyone is an illusion,but in the
same time I feel like they are real and I
really don`t know what to believe in.What
scares me most is that one day i`m gonna
believe in this thought so much that I
will kill someone and then I will realize
that this world is real.
I`m sorry that it is all so confusing,but
I can`t put my thoughts in order.There are
so much things I want to say,but I don`t
find ways to say it.I will be very
thankful if you answer me.
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antigone
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Posted: 05-07-08 17:19pm
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I don't know that I can provide the answer
you seek but I will give you my thoughts
on what you are experiencing.
First, these thoughts are abnormal and you
should seek some medical attention for
them. See a psychiatrist and have an
evaluation done.
Mental health disorders tend to progress
when left untreated. The thoughts will not
go away on their own. These thoughts are
causing you distress and anxiety. Left
untreated your anxiety is likely to
increase.
It would appear that you are experiencing
some visual hallucinations as well. This
may be a progression of a disorder that
you are suffering from.
You need treatment. Medications can help
to alleviate some of the symptoms you are
experiencing. Medication can help with
some of the disorganized thoughts and help
with paranoia. Much of what you describe
is consistent with mental health
disorders. These types of disorders need
medical attention.
I hope you will seek some professional
help. You deserve to live free of these
debilitating symptoms.
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Philo
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Posted: 05-08-08 11:03am
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I agree with antigone. If your parents
don't want to take you to a psychiatrist,
then go talk to your school councelor or
nurse.
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binhhoangtuong2005
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 May 2008
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Posted: 05-08-08 17:02pm
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I have schizophrenia for almost 3 years. I
had the same thinking like you do. I hear
voices, see things. But treat they are not
real, because they don't know anything,
the thing just read from your mind and
repeat back. There is no one have the
power to listen to your thinking. Only you
know. You absolutely need treatment. They
are NOT REAL. They don't know more than
you do. Any thinking or ideas are come
from your mind, not the thing (Spirits
body), they don't know anything.
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Georgia59
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Posted: 05-08-08 19:55pm
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I also agree. I don't thing it's
necessarily schizophrenia (though it could
be) but could also be something else
(obsessive thoughts, for example) that you
could get help for.
Either way, getting help now is your best
bet, as many conditions show up around
adolescence/ early adulthood and worsen if
not treated. Good luck!
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Lilitha
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
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Posted: 05-09-08 04:59am
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Thank you all for your replies.I still
don`t know what to do.At one moment I`m
calm,the next I`m paranoid again.It`s
really hard to make a decision with my
mood and thoughts changing so fast.The
dark figures are getting more and more
real,I even hear someone talking to
me,insulting me.I see people behind me and
I`m sure that now they have sent someone
to scare me and even kill me.Maybe i
really should tell someone,but who when I
not only don`t trust anyone,but I don`t
believe that anyone exists.  I`m very confused.
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antigone
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Posted: 05-09-08 12:06pm
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Go to your parents. I assure you they are
real. You need intervention. Don't wait
and let this mental state persist. I hope
you will tell your parents and get help.
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Sinc17
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Posted: 05-10-08 16:22pm
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Wow man Your story scares me. I had
deliusional thoughts and paranoid like
hell but this is worse
Take the tips of the people above
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Lilitha
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Posted: 05-28-08 09:00am
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Hey to all,I have a question,but I don`t
think it is necessary to open a new topic
for it.So I have these weird voices in my
head.I mean,they are not from the
outside,I`m sure they are coming from my
head.I read about mind racing and mind
chatter and I first thought they were
something like that.But then again,I read
that the thoughts from the mind chatter
are absolutely random and most often with
your own voice.But mine are nothing like
that.They are different voices from
mine,and they talk back when I say
something to them.Or they talk to each
other.But they don`t come from the
outside,so I don`t think that they are
auditory hallucinations.And most of
all,they are driving me nuts,especially at
night when they don`t shut up.My once from
6 to 8 hours sleeping has now turned into
3 to 5 hours sleep in a day because of
them.
Does anybody know what can this be?I tried
looking for them in the net,but nothing
really came up.
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harmony1
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Posted: 05-29-08 21:26pm
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I agree with antigone. I'd say it's the
same sort of thing. Have you seen a doctor
about this?? I think you need medication.
How long has this been going on?
Honestly love go and see a doctor. I had
psychosis (drug induced) at some stage in
my life and I can relate to what you're
experiencing. It's not a good thing. If
you don't treat it now it can get worse
and that's when it really does begin to
get scary.
Please go get the help you need. find out
what has triggered it and get the
medicatin to put a stop to it and to put
your mind at ease.
Take care love,
Harmony1 xo
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Lilitha
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Posted: 05-30-08 12:13pm
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Thanks for the reply Harmony.
No,I haven't seen a doctor about it.There
are very important exams in a month
waiting for me and I focus mostly on them
and I guess I will consider going to a
doctor after they have passed and I have
received the results of them.
The thought about the scientists?It has
been in my head for an year or two
maybe,but I began actually believing in it
maybe three months ago and since then I
feel like it is getting worse.I can't
control my emotions right now.I start
crying without any reason or laugh when
there is nothing to laugh about.And,yeah,a
real nightmare.
Maybe I do want to see a doctor,cause I'm
starting to freak myself out too.But I
don`t want to stress my parents,especially
my father,because he has an operation
awaiting him,he has enough on his nerves
and the last thing he needs is his
daughter wanting to see a doctor.He would
never admit it,but I know it is true.
So I guess I don'`t have much of a
choice,I have to wait for the summer when
things get more peaceful.
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harmony1
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You need medical attention sweetie
Posted: 06-03-08 07:48am
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You poor thing. Can't you go and see a
doctor yourself perhaps. I understand what
you mean with not wanting to worry your
parents but it's your health you're
talking about. Do you have anybody else
you can talk to or trust that may be able
to take you to the doctor?
You need to go and see a psychiatrist or
at least a doctor love. I can't stress
this enough. Especially since it's getting
worse. trust me I had something similar
and the sooner you go the better.
Theres nothing to worry about. they'll
just prescribe you medication and thats
it. You'll start to feel better. Don't let
it drag on.
Remember that none of it is real. There is
no scientist. It's not real sweetie.
Please see a doctor.
Harmony1 xo
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harmony1
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Talk with Mum.
Posted: 06-03-08 17:29pm
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I just had a read of your first post
again. I just wanted to reasuure you again
that there are no scientists. You're
parents love you and they have always been
here with you. None of what is going on
inside your head is real (like the
experiments)
I know how real it seems to you. Thats
why you need medical attenetion. Tell your
mum what is going on. Better you go and
tell them now then they realise for
themselves when you get worse.
I want you to go and talk with your mum
and tell her everything..
She loves you and she'll take care of
you.
Harmony xo
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harmony1
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Posted: 06-03-08 17:47pm
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If you're afraid to tell her yourself. I
can do it for you. just send me her email
address or contact # via PM and country
you're in as I'm in Australia and there's
time difference thing. You don't in any
way have to. Only if you'd feel better
with someone else telling her. I wish I
was there with you and could help you.
It's heartbreaking to read that you're
going through this alone.. You don't need
to be feeling this way. you should get
help. See a doctor..
harmony1xo
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Users who thank harmony1 for this post:
Lilitha
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Lilitha
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Posted: 06-04-08 06:53am
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Thank you for the warm words.I really
appreciate that you are concerned about me
and I'm happy that there is someone who
cares.But I have a girl that only I can
hear,but sounds pretty real,that is
tormenting me all the time and it's hell
living with her.:/ She says that I don't
have schizophrenia or anything,I'm just a
spoiled brat desperate for attention.And I
kind of believe her. But I will try
talking to my parents even that she will
get angry at me for doing so after that.
Thank you again for the advice and
everything. You are a great
person.
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harmony1
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Hi Lilitha : )
Posted: 06-04-08 23:39pm
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I still remember the first time I got
treatment. They gave me some medication
and I felt Sooo much better.
Is there a hospital nearby? You need to go
to the hospital.I stayed in
hospital for just one night then they
prescribed me meds and I went home.
Do you live with your parents? If so can
you tell them right now that you're
hearing voices and you need to go to
hospital. If they aren't home just call
them at work. You need to go to the
hospital.
I'll try and explain to you whats going
on. You are having a psychotic episode.
Which then means that your brain is not
functioning properly. You're hearing all
these things in your head because of this.
You need medication to fix your brain so
it can start to work properly again. Thats
all it is.
Harmony1 xo
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Lilitha
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Posted: 06-05-08 06:53am
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I'm afraid that there is no hospital near
to my house,but that is not such a
problem.To be honest I would hate staying
in a hospital for a day or even more,but I
guess that it is necessary.
And I heard that the pills they give for
"calming down" voices and such have pretty
much negative sides.Is that true?
Anyway,yes I do live with my parents and I
just am thinking of a way of telling them
without them freaking out.
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harmony1
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Hi Lilitha
Posted: 06-05-08 09:01am
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Hi Lilitha,
I'm not sure what they gave me when I went
to hospital. it was a liquid. It calms you
right down very quickly. nothing bad about
it at all. Then they'll prescribe you an
anti psychotic which is what you need to
get your brain working properly again. I
used risperdone for a short time, I think
a few months.
They also prescribed me sleeping tablets
which is great because you can get a good
sleep after all this drama you've been
going through and they gave me valiums to
calm me down. No, i think the medication
was great. it got me back to where I
needed to be. Just like it will for you.
right now, you have to concentrate on
getting your brain to work properly again.
I know you want all this madness to stop.
You just need to tell your parents.
There's nothing to be afraid of. Once you
get medication and the support you need
from your parents each day will get better
and better.
Harmony xo
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harmony1
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Posted: 06-05-08 16:00pm
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The other good thing about your parents
knowing is that once thay know whats going
on they can reasure you that what you're
experiencing is not real. The mediaction
works but it takes some time. My
boyfrined was with me when I was having a
psychotic episode. He really helped me get
through it. Just by being there. That way
when you get scared and start thinking
it's real you just sit with them and it
goes away for a little while.
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Lilitha
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Posted: 06-09-08 07:20am
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Well things didn't go very well.I was
going to tell my mom,but just before I got
to the subjects I suddenly snapped and
started to do something weird.i mean I
started crying and laughing and I was
saying what the girl that I mentioned
before was saying to me about my
parents.And then I relaxed again like
nothing happened.
My mom who saw everything said that I was
acting strange lately.I was going to tell
her why,but then she told me that I should
stop seeking attention and that there is
nothing wrong with me.That I was perfectly
fine.That I should stop faking things.She
said that if I think that there is
something wrong with me she would send me
a psychiatrist to show me there is nothing
wrong with me.When I think about it
now,maybe she was just trying to calm me
down,but I felt horrible.Every thought of
me telling her about what I think and hear
and see just vanished and I said that I
don't want to see a psychiatrist and that
her professional opinion is enough for
me.Then I went to my room and cried the
whole night.Maybe she is just ignorant or
maybe I really am an experiment.I don't
know.
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