My bf has cyclothymia which is a milder form of bipolar. We've been together for almost 8 years.I just discovered his unpredictable mood swings on our 4th year even up to now. He is irritable at times especially when his expectations are not met. I feel like he doesn't care for me at all. He would yell at me; say things that is not pleasing to the ear and text me foul words. I love him no doubt about it. But sometimes I think that it would be 'just' to live our lives separately. We're on our early 30's and my parents wants me to settle but he doesnt talk about plans of tying the knot. Whenever I ask him about it, he would just say 'why are you in hurry for marriage?' I know there are lot of things that has to be considered but I can say that we are emotionally ready & stable with our work. My mind says 'leave him' but my heart says 'please stay'. Help. (
Hi tsetsefly5 and welcome to ehealth: First and foremost, don't listen to your parents...It is you who must live the rest of your life with this person...Personally, I like what your mind is saying to you...It is telling you what you have learned from your past...Sure your heart says "stay" but love is far from the only thing in a good relationship....IMO, I would not encourage him to settle down...You have already dealt with this in the past and to add a possible child to an already unpredictable situation would be a tragedy....As for me, I still go along with your mind...Take care...
Hi Caroline! I find it difficult to leave cos I know he is struggling from this kind of illness. I don't know how he'd react or worse he might talk greasy and I don't want it to happen. How am I gonna say it? Do you think he'd understand?
Hi again: IMO, what you see is what you will get...You discovered this after four years...This is when he started getting more assured of your love and devotion to him...Kind of time to play his game of life....It's like, "you can't leave...I know that you will crawl back"..This is so often how the mind set works with a person like this...One more things is that he doesn't want to get married...Why are you pressuring him?...If this is your parents at work then tell them to keep their nose out of your business...I do not say these thing to hurt you, but only to help...If you are this devoted to him, then do your thing...My best advice is not to tie him down....This would be much worse...Always give yourself an out....Chances are you will need it...
You asked me would he understand it...Very often the understanding of a person with this sort of affliction centers on themselves...Like I have said before, I believe that they are born with no conscience....In their world it is a "me" world and what can you do for me...Whereas with my husband and I it is and always has been a what can I do for "you"...Take care...
I'm bipolar...you didn't say if he's on any meds.I've had and my men have had issues,but one of the things to consider is his ability to take control if the mood swings start. You say it is a minor case,but you would need to be mature enough to deal and accept the responsibilities of dealing unemotionally with a mental illness. Children should be not even a consideration at this point,nor the near future.I am on husband 3 and a 13 year relationship with someone in between the marriages.When thing were bad,they were terrible in the highs, and the lows were devastating. I'm more in control at age 60. Read,learn and use your head. I'm glad I've had men who dealt with me,but I did not envy them. Money runs freely through a bipolar hand,as do physical relationships.Don't give up on him if you are STRONG,if not gently leave before you get hurt mentally or physically.
Is he willing to get treatment? The thing about bipolarity, well, a lot of other mental illnesses as well, they don't really "go away." He will deal with this for the rest of his life. Even if he started therapy and smoothed things out, it will rear it's ugly head again down the road. That being said, you have a choice. Is that something your willing to accept as who he is?
Good points from solkeeper1. If you want children, they will add an incredibly difficult, frustrating, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking factor when facing difficult family situations.
I'll talk to your subconscious, your "gut" was clear when you wrote that post. You know what you want. Listen to your instincts. Love is not chaining you to him. Believe in yourself because the decision is a difficult one.
Good post. We may be more work to love sometimes,but if we as BIpolar work at getting ourselves maintained with meds and therapy,we can be very good...and creative. Many super people were bp, Winston Churchill for one as an example. If your partner is no accepting what he has within him and be treated for it...I would say it will get only worse and he will drown you with him. I now do not take meds, I am under control with meditating and the comfort of my dog. Use your head,take it all in consideration. It is an illness which YOU can not heal,he has the problem and without his desire to beat it ,it will not happen. Good luck.