Hello.. My names Meg. Screenname is due to the fact I am a equestrian, and now a college one. I see a lot of you asking how to deal with your bipolar significant others. I applaud you. I will tell you my story and explain.. and hopefully gain some help myself.
See.. for years I was in love with the man that just broke up with me as of sunday evening. All during high school, etc. At twenty two years of age, I decided to take my chance. For seven months things were awesome. I warned him about my bipolar and things.. As I am bipolar one, although I do get very bad mixed episodes with heavy depression, panic disorder and anxiety. We planned to have a family once we were ready as we are too young, get married etc... My doctors took me on my medications as they were not the correct ones; to cycle me out and to start new. I am actually seeing a new doctor this Thursday to get on track, which he knew about. So here I am.. not on meds..he knew the dangers. I warned him.
I start having episodes..and he tells me they are personal attacks on him. That he is not capable of comforting me after that. That alone, kills. When having a episode you need to be comforted. Not pushed away. Distance is the worst thing you can give someone whom is bipolar. Please take note of this. He told me today he can not be open with me now. His walls are up. Thats right. I was blamed. For those wondering, hes a narcissus I believe as.. unless its his feelings, he does not want to hear it concerning the situation.
So my advice to those who need help. Listen. Understand. Hear what we say. We are not making excuses by saying it is not our fault..we can not control it. Show us love and that you understand, and stick by us.. as well.. its what we are looking for. Because underneath all those episodes is generally a very insecure and scared person. Male or female. Im a mess to say the least.. the person I love most did what a lot of those diagnosed with bipolar fear. Being abandoned and left because of something you can not control, despite understanding the hurt you have caused..
Any questions or comments.. or advice feel free. As I plan to get myself back on track and on the correct meds..and I wont give up on him. He was my first and is my one and only, and I wont give up even if hes trying to shut the door for the time being.
You are highly delusional to think that any one has to put up with your bipolar. I was in a relationship with a bipolar woman that was truly emotionally abusive and left me scarred. For a healthy minded individual dealing with bipolar can be a nightmare. The lies, cheating, projection are unbelievable. Then when despression hits, OMG, the ignoring, retreating for weeks on end. It is all too much. I loved her but it was never enough. I tolerated more bs than I have from any one else. To use bipolar as an excuse for bad behavior and to think we should stick it out is unbelievebly selfish. I have heard many bipolar people say, love is unconditional. No. Love is conditional. When you treat someone terrible, manipulate them, lie to them, then ignore them all together, WE not only have the right to leave, but should leave. Bipolar people should only be with bipolar people. That way you can treat each other horribly, but hey, no problem, because you'll understand. Right?
Hi DMT. I liked your post. I agree 100%. Sorry for Meg, but she lives in lala land and doesn't realize how hurtful her actions are. She got blamed because she was to blame. The poor guy was probably getting beated down daily. I understand because it happened to me too. I commend her for trying to find the correct meds to deal with her problems, but she needs to stop pursuing a man that does not want her and her bad behavior. I am not being mean, even she wrote she has bad episodes and severe depression, anxiety. Gawd, give the guy a rest already.
Actually when you love someone you stick thru the good and bad. I never lied to him. Never ignored him when depressed or any of those things. I always give and give, but usually get nothing in return. I would have a episode and he would take it personal. So before being judgemental maybe look at yourselves.
DMT and criedalot... I don't think you should put all bipolars in the same group and case, and I don't think any of us is equal, even if you don't have a mental problem.
I think is really sad to abandon somebody you love and care because of an illness... It's an illness and it controls whoever has it at times.
I also don't think a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, should take anything as personal. I heard a lot, A LOT, from my boyfriend and I try to ignore all that is said. Bipolars don't have control when they are having episodes and, after that, if they remember, they push everybody away because they are ashame of what they did. That already says a lot about how the illness controls them.
I know, personally, that it's not the easiest relationship, but I also know that they will be really grateful and loving to whoever sticks with them.
But it's not easy!
poppycock! They remember the episodes, they remember the manipulations, they even remember how many times they fool around unless they drank themselves silly.
One thing they remember to do for sure is to blame the disease. "Oh I cheated on you with 10 different people? Well look up bipolar, I can't control it." Yet the guy in the situation had better control his anger right? He better remember that there are laws against beating your cheating spouse because the 'normal' one can't blame it on a disease.
Look, people who live with and love a bipolar person put up with a lot. Sometimes they get depressed themselves because they are rejected for no reason while the bipolar one isn't rejecting anyone else. Their self esteem is in the toilet because bipolar people take out their issues on the poor chump that will deal with it.
Grateful to those who stick with them? Only when they come out of their 'manic phase' after taking any dignity and self worth you had left.
My bipolar girlfriend broke up with me after a night out at the bar. She picked up her remaining belongings the next day and have barely heard from her. It was a complete shock that she left and came from out of the blue. She had been distant the last week or so up til then and easily irritated. I believe she is in a manic state right now - wouldn't surprise me if she is sleeping around, drinking or even doing drugs since she had in the past (when we weren't together)
Sorry NJ but I just don't agree with you. Maybe you do need comforting, but often times it's not with your boyfriend or the guy you just broke up with but with a complete stranger or someone you just met.
Lost is a good name. Being bipolar does not mean you don't have control over what you say or do. You can use that as an excuse for lashing out, but it is just that, an excuse. As far as loving someone who is emotionally draining it is in the partners best interest to leave.
Seems to me bipolar people are afraid of the truth. Their behavior hurts everyone that has the misfortune to get in their path. What do you mean by not taking it personal? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. How more personal can it be? And why is it that it's okay for the bipolar person to walk away and ignore their partner, but not the healthy individual. You make about as much sense as the illness itself. Sorry hun, but exiting is the only answer.
I'd like to know what you mean by the statement, "bipolar people see a relationship in a different light". Seems to me, they implode the relationship and expect their partners to take it. That doesn't seem quite fair now does it. Bipolar folks are very difficult to have a relationship with. I would have never done it had I known.
Wow i lot to take in the question is why do we love bipolar poeple more than sane people, i believe because when they are "normal" they show more love and affection, they love you hard and hurt you harder
Just because thinks are hard doesnt mean you give up. I agree physical abuse is a quick way to call it quits but if you are trying to get help a little support goes a long way! Does no one have anything positive to say?
Well, i have been with my bipolar bc for 12 yrs. He just got help with it 2 yrs ago, only cause i packed up me n the kids and moved out. Yes it was that bad, but not all the time. When he first got help things were great he was taking therapy serious as well as his pills. Than after a while i had to start reminding him, then he just quit all together. I work 2 jobs, attend school full-time and we have 2 children. He gets mad when i come home and spend time with kids or do homework, instead of dishes. He has cheated numerous times, my whole pregnancy. I have been emotionally abused. I have tried to understand, but when u have a person that needs treatment, and knows it but refuses, its time to walk away. My 6 yr old cries that all daddy does is scream n yell. My kids don't need the abuse either.