I started to SI nearly 3 years ago, while I was dealing with difficult relationships with men. Relationships was always an issue, especially since they've always been self-destructing.

I'm now involved with this man since a little more than 2 years, and although I SI a few times during our relationship, it went away since what we have together is nearly perfect...

BUT... he left for China a few days ago. I'm already missing him like crazy and unsure I will be able to deal without him. I know it sounds "borderline", but I feel like I lost control over our relationship the day he left. I'm scared he won't come back, I'm scared he'll meet another woman, cheat on me... and just will not care anymore. This is dragging me down to the point where I've almost cutted last night. I went to my mother's place instead, but I won't always be able to do it.

He's only coming back mid-August. I am unsure I will be able to deal!! I'm a busy woman, but nights are especially rough since I am used to living and sleeping with him.

I've though about leaving my jobs, ask for a loan and go meet him in China. But that wouldn't be the good thing to do, I have bills to pay and two jobs that I truly love...

I feel like I am lost and the only way to gain control over my emotions is to SI...






And I thought it all went away...