General Debate Forum - teens & multiple sex partners

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Q: teens & multiple sex partners

asked by: krystineM on March 10th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

It seems like a more common thing these days for teens to have group sex or friends with benifits who also have multiple sex partners in our society.
"Twice as many girls as boys lose their virginity before they turn 16, a survey has revealed." Says Tom Kelly an author of More girls than boys say yes to sex before 16.
here the link:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/fema il/article.html?in_article_id=416077&in_pa ge_id=1879&in_a_source=

It had a part where some feel pressured into having sex, but my focus right now is on the group of teens who have group sex or friends with benifits, where they clearly aren't feel pressured into doing anything, because they'll do it in a group or with a person they have no relationship to other than a sex buddy.
Are parents so oblivious to this? I guess they must be to allow their daughters to go out to a party where they think they'll be responsible but have a gang bang instead, or have a friend over for homework and instead of homework their having sex...

>>In 2001, 19.9 percent of ninth-grade girls were currently sexually active (including the 3 months preceding the survey) versus 51 percent of twelfth-grade girls. In addition, 5.4 percent of ninth-grade girls had engaged in sexual intercourse before the age of 13, compared to 2.2 percent of twelfth-grade girls.

Instead of girls saying no or waiting to have sex at an older age, their diving in right away as if their missing out on something. Friends are partly the reason why [i think] because having sex is supposed to be the next step into a 13-16 yr olds relationship, but when its mentioned theres more pressure into doing it. And when they do have sex, they feel their 'in love' when its just a sexual urge their getting fulfilled.
Then there's the ones who heavily drink at like 14, and do things cuz their drunk. and then later realize they like having sex, and do it all the time, have friends with benifits, and/or group sex. This is disgusting.
Sex is supposed to be a special bond between 2 people, not a hobby, sport or addition game to see how many partners you can have at one time...
Kids these days have ruined the meaning of that.
You get girls having sex for drugs, alcohol, money...and it in a small way has become more common.
Are parents to blame, i say yes, girls at like 13and on should not be allowed to go to a boys house where anything can happen.
Girls should be supervised more because their precious and not things to use and throw away.
At least thats going to be the rule with my daughter if i have a daughter, the boy can come to my house where we can supervise than have her go there and anything could happen.
And if the boy really wants to be with her and not get in her pants, he'll accapt that, other wise he can say good-bye. She would be allowed to go over to his house when shes 18. But any younger, no. Out of the question. She would only go there for christmas dinners holiday dinners or if she was invited and then they can come to my house or to a movie.
I dont trust boys at the age of 13 and on i know what their like.
As much as the girl is to blame for having sexual intercourse at a young age, the boy is an influence too.
Thats my say on it, whats yours?

Replies(13)

Tylanas

replied on March 10th, 2008

Especially eHealthy

I don't have a problem with ADULTS have orgies or anything else they want to do. For some people, sex is not a special bond between "just" two people, and that's fine.

However, I don't think teens should be having ANY sex AT ALL, much less sex with multiple partners.

krystineM

replied on March 10th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

sometimes to spice up the relationship, adults who are amarried have group sex or switch partners..i dont think thats right.
But teens doing this is just down right disgusting.
most arent even of leagal age to condone in sexual intercourse yet have it with groups of people...

Verizon-y

replied on March 10th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I agree with you Krystine, it is disgusting.

This part of your post was very helpful to me:

Quote:

Girls should be supervised more because their precious and not things to use and throw away.
At least thats going to be the rule with my daughter if i have a daughter, the boy can come to my house where we can supervise than have her go there and anything could happen.
And if the boy really wants to be with her and not get in her pants, he'll accapt that, other wise he can say good-bye. She would be allowed to go over to his house when shes 18. But any younger, no. Out of the question. She would only go there for christmas dinners holiday dinners or if she was invited and then they can come to my house or to a movie.
I dont trust boys at the age of 13 and on i know what their like.
As much as the girl is to blame for having sexual intercourse at a young age, the boy is an influence too.
Thats my say on it, whats yours?

My dd (10 years old) asked me a few days ago if she could go over a boy's house with her girlfriend. I initially said yes if I speak to the boy's mother before hand and am assured that she will be home, etc. But after reading this, I am changing my mind. I do not trust another mother (especially the boy's mother) to watch the kids as carefully as I would. They can come over here.

THANKS FOR POSTING THIS!!!!

Maddie34

replied on March 10th, 2008

Moderator

Be careful with that. I know girls whose parents like to keep an eye on them constantly and its messed them up a lot. They felt like their parents don't trust them and then they need to sneak about just to get away and have their own time. Sometimes it didn't even seem necessary and they still told their parents a lie just to get them out of their hair. You can't say you trust your child but then never give them a chance to make their own decisions. You could very well be pushing your child away when you're only trying to protect them.

When I see how easily it could go one way or the other because of simple mistakes it honestly makes me worried to become a parent. My mom never thought twice about myself or my older sister going over to a boys house. She said she trusted me to make the right choices. I snuck out of the house once to go to a party when I was 14. My mom never found out, but I felt so guilty about it I never did it again. I think its about mutual trust and respect. If a parent can't handle that then things could go just as wrong as when a parent pays no attention at all to their child.

I'll try and teach good morals and values and how my child uses them will be up to him/her. If they respect and trust me then I will undoubtedly return the favor until they give me reason to do otherwise.

krystineM

replied on March 10th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

No problem Future, i thought it was a good topic after reading a little into it myself.

Maddie, its not a trust issue, trust has to be gained, they are your child, your responsibility, and you set the rules. They either live with it until 18 or tough.
See when they are able to sneak around, then the parents are not doing a proper job. My daughter[again if i have a daughter] will be trusted, but first needs to gain that trust, she can go out with her friends, she can have a boyfriend at high school age none of this elemtrary flings, she can have him over here and go there for dinners but thats it. And she can accept that, or thats too bad.
The only tough rule is not going to a boys house, shes still allowed boys over here where we supervise, i know the way boys are and its enough for me to say sorry hun but id rather you guys come over here.
You had the trust, but still snuck out.

There is compromising as parents, but when it comes to certain things, you after all are the parent, you set the rules and they as children accept it, or tough.
its not watching them like a hawk, its looking out for their well being in the long run.
I am pretty leaniant other than my fiance, and im sure ill be fighting battles with compromises here and there, but where we meet eye to eye is boys.
I will give my child their space, and trust but they earn that trust first.

Maddie34

replied on March 10th, 2008

Moderator

Well, I'm just saying that I have friends with parents like that and I've seen how that can go wrong. I snuck out, yes. Once. But I felt like junk afterwards and never did it again. I made a mistake and a poor choice, who hasn't? And don't say my parents didn't do their job correctly. I'm in college, waited to have sex until I was 19 and didn't drink in highschool save for maybe a month long phase in 8th grade where I more just made appearances at parties than drink at parties. My older sister was around the same as well and my little brother and sister are both good kids. My parents have done an excellent job, and it didn't involve constant watching but just trust and respect.

I'm not saying that a parent should let their kid run wild, but I will trust my child until they give me a reason not to. I will go to sleep at night and not lay awake waiting for my kids to sneak out. My little sister has mostly boy friends and it sounds to me like all they do is run around and talk about pokemon. She's ten.

I suppose I should have also said that my mom is a teacher in a small town, she knows all parents and all my friends being that she was their teacher. So when I said I was going out with my guy friends she knew them all and how they acted.

I'm not so extreme as to think that all boys over the age of 9 are trying to get girls to have sex. I'll judge boys one at a time and not make silly generalizations. I'll be the parent, but not the crazy parent Smile

krystineM

replied on March 10th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Of having one strict rule?
come on. if a child cannot accept the rules its too bad to be quite honest.
Its not about constant watching. its about looking out for them when boys are present so they dont engage in sex at a young age. Not everyone lives in a small town. When it comes to boys my daughter will not be going to boys houses, they will come to ours, shes still able to have a boyfriend while in highschool. But shes not going there. I never said all boys at the age of 9 are into sex, she can have guy friends but they come to my house where myself and my bf/fiance can supervise. Boys when getting at like 13 and older are after one thing and my daughter will not be apart of that one thing. Theres no compromising over that. That is basically the only strick rule. Thats how its going to be, we're still letting her have boyfriends but they come here and thats that.
She will gain my trust, and if she misbehaves or goes against the rules that we set the trust will be taken away. You have to set rules otherwise the kid runs the shots.
At 18 she decides what she wants with our guidance if she needs it.

Verizon-y

replied on March 10th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

My DD is only 10, and I like the gaining trust idea.

As for boys and sex, girls are just as bad, and things happen in middle school now (6th grade) like kids having sex in class and on the bus, that I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't heard about them from the news myself.

krystineM

replied on March 10th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Future are you serious! where is this happening?
Girls are just as bad, but i think its the way you bring them up, having respect for themselves and having structure like being involved in an activity, kind of takes that want away because their focused on something else.
What is wrong with our world.

My bf/fiance was the one that made me like the gaining trust idea, kids arent born with it, they have to show you that they have gained it.
How do school teachers and bus drivers let kids do this? have they no sense to step in and say something to the schools and the parents?!?!

Maddie34

replied on March 11th, 2008

Moderator

Eh, it's a fine line between being a good parent and an over protective parent. I'd rather not cross it. I won't be lenient if my rules are broken- that's for sure- but my rules won't be so extreme that I take away their chance to make the right decision. I plan on making sure my kid stays out of situations that involve sex, but its going to be because they don't want to be in that situation, not because I sat between her and her boyfriend chomping on popcorn during a movie at home (I'm exaggerating, I know you're not going to do anything close to that). We want the same thing, we just plan on going about it differently.

Out of curiosity, how will you react when your daughter (hypothetically) goes to the movies with her boyfriend? They've been together for 3 weeks and though she's never done anything to break your trust, she hasn't really earned it either. He's got a car, so he will give her a ride there and back. She's 15 and he's 16. Will you allow that? How will you ensure they truly go to the movies or will you just trust? Will you constantly call her cell? Will they be allowed to go anywhere afterwards? Or are you going to demand they rent a movie and watch it at your house where you can keep an eye on them. Most importantly, do you think that your constant distrust of your daughter's ability to make the right decision will have a negative impact on her? Or is that all just too bad for her and no fault of your own? Again, I'm just curious. Future, I'm curious for your answer as well especially since you actually have a daughter.

krystineM

replied on March 11th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

In my eyes, it is being a good parent.
And its not being an extreme parent either. I remember when i was 14-15 i would go to boys houses, and the parents did not supervise the way my mother or step mom would have, and all the boy wanted to do was get in my pants but i would say no firmly. I dont need my daughter exposed to that with the way society is.
They can go to movies, but you see, we have to meet the boyfriend, and his parents, i would allow him to drive her there and back, but after the movie they can go to dinner if they want or come back here for a little and hang out.
If my daughter has gained my trust, and we will make it crystal clear that if she does go against our trust she wont be able to see her boyfriend.
We will not distrust her, but she has to understand that if a trust is broken consequences will be made. And if she wants to see her friends, she will not go somewhere else other than the mall, and if she wants to see her boyfriend she wont go off somewhere else other than where she told us.
She gains our trust, but if its broken again consequenses.
We're allowing her to do pretty much everything a kid her age does, but we have a different rule cuz we know how boys and girls act, and if she cant understand that, she'll learn the hard way. Example going against what she told us with her boyfriend, she wont see her boyfriend.
Shes the child. We're the adult, we set the rules, and she listens to them, or gets something taken away. She would be 15, she'll find "love" again, no serious damage will be made.

Maddie34

replied on March 11th, 2008

Moderator

Whats wrong with a guy asking, and her saying no? I said no a few guys, including my current boyfriend (said no to him for more than a few years).

What wrong with that? What's wrong with her making her own decision to stay out of that situation?

krystineM

replied on March 11th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Girls are vulnerable.
And im sure if that question is brought up, i would hope she would say no, we are going to educate her on sex and the things that can happen is she does have sex, and that she should wait till she is older or married to have sex.
But we will be supervising.
I dont trust boys at that age. I know what their like, i mean i was that age not too many years ago, so thats the way things will be. Shes going to be in activities that hopefully keep her occupied with other things than sex, im sure she'll think of it but be stronger to say no. Im not going to say no for her, she'll just know that we would be dissappointed if she did it sooner, and that if she lies she wont be doing what she wants to do.
That is the only way kids learn.
Parents these days, give their kids a little too much freedom and trust. And look what happens, they either get into drugs, sex or friends with benifits.
You need to set boundries so they dont feel the need to go against them, and if they think your joking, they find out the hard way.
It does not sound like a harsh way of parenting, but a head strong way of parenting from past experiences, and from viewing the world today and how kids run their parents, their parents give them way more freedom than they deserve or should get, and run around like little hos.

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