Lately I have been having some really strange thoughts about totally bizarre things. I have been having some really sick hallucinations, where I'm doing awful things to people, but am enjoying it. For instance, the other day I saw myself hold a knife on someones neck. It didn't feel bad, it felt good and natural. When I cut their throat it felt like some form of relief had passed over my body. These hallucinations are now becoming apart of my everyday life.
I was starting tto wonder what was wrong with me and I came accross some internet sites which discussed psychotic depression. From reading lots of the information , I discovered to my horror, that I have all of the symptoms of it, and now I am unsure what to do.
Sometimes I consider leaving the world, and other times I consider letting go to the sick fantasies that seem to constantly in my mind. I feel like if I don'y kill myself I am just going to hurt someone really badly. The hallucinations have also given me a blood fetish, so I am now enjoying them, however somewhere I know that I shouldn't be.
Please, if there is anyone out there who remotely understands what it is that I am going through, then please let me know. Perhaps the worst thing about it all is that I am only 16, and feel like no one will take me seriously if I tell them. I cant tell my parents or my friends, and I don't think I can tell a doctor. What should I do? I feel like if I don't get help I will do something awful. Yet at the same time I want to do these awful things so satisfy my blood fetish.