Anxiety and Stress Forum - Teach me not to give up on life..Please..

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Q: Teach me not to give up on life..Please..

asked by: BridgetWolf on May 24th, 2009

New User

im very selfish in the way that i need people to care about me but then when people do it kills me to think someone is wasting their time on me. I need to grow the hell up and just be independent. but im still a child. I'm not a drama queen. Im very very very shy and i mean im selfish in the way that i feel suicidal when i give give give all day to peoples needs and they take advantage of it and say, kay, goodbye ( this is my third family ). but making myself healthy makes me cry and drench with a different kind of pain that eats at me so bad i have this allergic reaction of mental itch to just rip my skin open and erase the good and fill in the bad. I give because i am passionate, not because i want attention. I only want someone to care, but im too dependent towards that.
my entire life was built on walls of pain, I grew up with child/sexual abuse. My boyfriend promised to teach me to live better but i guess i was a little girl looking for a home and found reality.
Teach me to take care of myself. Im 19 and have a future laid out, but my entire life was centered around suicide, and I really need to give myself a good life for a change.
I have a heart for children and for doing community services and helping people talk about their problems..but when im left alone, ive been known to cut, drink, smoke on occasion and most of all just feel these rolls of intense waves of depression and uselessness in me. Im recently inside the world of bulimia. im addicted to doing bad habits because its my coping strategy, ive been to AA..its just..i need someone to tell me how they live happily..how they eat, think, go about their day..Just help me
Please.

Replies(13)

kdlee

replied on May 24th, 2009

Supporter

HOney you are a fine person..It sound slike people do take advantage of you..I think I am a giver and I know I am taken advantage of but you know what I began looking at it as I give and it makes me feel better..I do admit there are times though that I say hay can't someone just give me a pat on the back and say good job or thanks..

You said you are 19 and had a future laid out but my enitre life was centered around suicide..Honey please know you are more important and I am glad you did your post..

I am glad you are searching for answers..I believe in prayer and am sending prayer your way..Does God answer every prayer no but I do believe if you truly want change then he will work on changing your life but you have to help but reading the bible getting into a church body and talking..

To an extent I guess I am shy as well and that is why I enjoy EHealth in that I can help people on here or at least try and feel good that someone is getting benefit from it..

I would love to keep talking with you if you like..

Users who thank kdlee for this post: BridgetWolf

Dr. Jeff Bailey , Ed.D.

replied on May 24th, 2009

Here's the good news - you are self-aware, honest, open, and willing to have the happy life you dream of. Good for you. You are certainly using coping strategies that will NEVER get you to the life you deserve. Everyone has different pathways to their life - for some it is spiritual, for some partnerships, for some financial success, for others caring and giving. You are passionate and unselfish and committed to others - what a great set of attributes to start working for others.

First rule: be gentle with yourself. I always say that I won't beat myself up - there are too many people waiting to do that for me. LOL. So be comfortable and satisfied with your talents. Be proud of yourself. Show personal dignity. Show compassion and caring. You are good - you don't need someone to tell you that you are a good person just because you do something good. Be the judge of your own goodness and be proud of what you can do. I am hesitant to use the expression self-love because it sounds too self-centered but in a sense you have to be positive about yourself and proud to be who you are. I sense in you a strong spirit so put that spirit to work to be positive about your talents and achievements.

Second rule - get rid of the self-destructive, self-hate behaviors adn thoughts. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.

Third - set goals. I believe that goal-directed people are more productive, and much happier. Dream a little and then chase your dreams.

Fourth - having social support from one or two people who care for you solves many problems in our life.

So there is a start for you. I wish you all the best.

Dr Jeff
www.drjeffbailey.com

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Users who thank Dr. Jeff Bailey for this post: BridgetWolf

BridgetWolf

replied on May 24th, 2009

New User

thank you

Thank you so much, both of you.. im crying, im so silly. But thank you so much.
I dont know how to recieve help but I know that maybe i should accept it, im usually one to block people out.
How do you two provide for yourself? How do you two continue?

kdlee

replied on May 24th, 2009

Supporter

Honey

I have read your profile you are someone with alot to give..Records, writing..You have worked in the church, you love kids..You have sooo much to offer and soo much to get back..

I live one day at a time and give thanks for each day..I enjoy my husband, son, grandson and animals..Each day is different and unigue so I know there is change..

With your history--you know how to look at a sunset and smile or cry because of it's beauty..You know the next one will be just as spectacular and different..

That is the way life is--each day a challenge or a blessing--you choose..I choose a blessing from God because I can see his hand in each days painting..Just think everyday he paints us a new landscape and it is for us to discover..How amazing is that..

You are 19 going on 40 with alot of experience behind you..Use that experience to grow stronger and before you get into a relationship get you together..

I am here to talk with and would be pleased to get to know you..If you review my profile you can get to know me a little..

BridgetWolf

replied on May 25th, 2009

New User

You are very soothing to the point i cry but soothingly with a smile. Thank you soo much.

kdlee

replied on May 26th, 2009

Supporter

How are you honey? Could I read something you've wrote?

taykare

replied on May 27th, 2009

Supporter

Hello my dear,
I have felt what you are feeling. The doctor answer is good. You need to love you and give to yourself. Do not get me wrong it is a wonderful gift to have to be able to give. Only when it costs you yourself it is not so good any more. I think you are a beautiful, thoughtful woman. You have to decide for yourself how to live you life. You must chose to stop the bad behaviors, the cutting and hurting yourself. I can tell you how I live but you have your own wonderful path to follow. I think you are very brave to talk about how you feel. I will tell you that suicide is not the way! Trust me I have been there. When these thought come into your head try (not easy) try to write it down then change all the bad words to good ones. Change the thoughts of hurting yourself into good things you would like to have for yourself. For example get a new hair do or buy a new purse or anything that makes you smile to yourself. I personally have turn to God and it has been a long road but I love me. I still want love from others and I still give to much (according to my husband) but that is who I am. You said your life was built on walls of pain. Now you have to ability to paint the walls and build the rest of your life on love. You have to make the choice to do so. Here at ehealth you have 2 supports now. That is a great start. I am here for you.
You can PM me if you would like. I wil be praying for you. I also love you unconditionally, that means no matter what you tell me it is inconfidence and I will lve you always.
Taykare
You are a very special young lady. I think so. The person kdlee thinks this too from
what that person has written.

Users who thank taykare for this post: kdlee

BridgetWolf

replied on May 27th, 2009

New User

Thank you so much

These words always make me cry, and the willingness to help, it means it hs a powerful effect. I will try that negative journal writing making it good.
kdlee, what do you mean about me writing? Do you mean a song?

kdlee

replied on May 27th, 2009

Supporter

Hi Hon

Yes I would love to read your songs..For me it is a way in knowing someone even more..If you prefer not I understand..

I love to write myself mostly poetry and stories for my grandson..

BridgetWolf

replied on May 29th, 2009

New User

STOP (lizlanglyrix)

The closer I get the farther I am
the clumsier I bet is at hand
These new faces they're all mine
Where'd they come from?
I have to give up on the things I find
Too much had been said an done.

Yet what if there's a better way?
What if things could somehow stay?
What if I can finially find it today?
What if I didn't have to pay?
Stop the madness!

This clear distant cloud
Has deleted my conscience
What are we gonna do now
Just to get through this nonsense.
Life is on an open wire
Death is the invisible ground
Why cant anyone see the danger?
Why did I love it until now?
The damages are long since done
Everyone would have said they knew it
If I weren't so dumb
To shut myself closed (I'm just stupid) ((I blew it))

Yet what if there's a better way?
What if things could somehow stay?
What if I can finially find it today?
What if I didn't have to pay?
Stop the madness!

I shut myself so closed
That even I couldn't get through to myself
Addicted to overdose
Never intended to hurt everyone else
Admitting to the failures
Confessing to the facts
Giving myself away for sake of cures
But I never really did that
Once you take a path
You gotta keep on going
Deal with the lack
Keep everything working
And it'll keep You working
you ARE what you put into your work.

Yet what if there's a better way?
What if things could somehow stay?
What if I can finally find it today?
What if you didn't have to pay?
Stop
Just
Stop the madness.
Stop
Just stop the madness..

kdlee

replied on May 30th, 2009

Supporter

Thank you...

There is a better way--you don't have to accept the madness..Once you take a path you can get off it only takes a moment for your eyes to see..

BridgetWolf

replied on May 31st, 2009

New User

sfvd

replied on November 17th, 2009

New User

u all suk

ur lives suk if ur coping with suicidal thoughts on a fuccing website

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