I keep seeing this crap. I guarantee every single person who has ever tried to kill themselves has done just exactly that--tried to talk to someone. And if you're depressed, you know damn well talking to someone isn't the issue. Finding someone who cares is the issue. Try to talk to someone--one person who actually knows you--and it's like they've been sitting on hot pokers all day and you're spraying them with lemon juice.
So what do you do? Go all over the internet looking for--get this--complete strangers who always care more about you than the people who actually know you, right? I can't find a single person in my real life that actually cares just to listen but I'll go all over the internet (as if that's a real place) trying to express myself in little boxes.
And what I call "the 14-year-old girl response" and you know what that is.
Has anyone ever been brought back from the brink of self destruction by ????
Is it possible to do any of these things over the internet or have we all left reality?? If I had one single person in my life giving me a real hug, would I be in here? No. OBviously.
And the clinic. Talk to total strangers for the purpose of diagnosis because the people who actually know you don't give a damn about you. Then the dr prescribes pills, which are to enable you to function--nothing else. They don't treat causes--just symptoms. You're driving a car. The front driver's side tire keeps going flat because there's a nail stuck in it. Don't get a new tire. Don't patch the old one. Just keep filling it with air. Yeah, that'll work. It repeatedly goes flat again and again and again. Wow. That was so unexpected. That's a prescription. When no one in your life cares, go get pills.
I'm about 78 miles south of 'fed up.' There ain't no pill for that.
I've made 4 attempts. And again today, in a book, I read this garbage: "suicide is such a cowardly act." BS! It is an act of bravery and final recourse. Gee, if I just keep speaking the same lie over and over and over again, it will 'become' the truth. Can you make suicide go away by ignoring it or censoring it or telling lies about it? No, and only an idiot deigns to try.
If it was cowardly, I wouldn't have made 4 attempts. I'd have made one. Yeah, find people who are in unspeakable pain all day every day--the same people you shut out and shut down everyday--and bash them. If it's so easy, there would be no such thing as suicide attempts. There would be suicides and that's it. Book SHREDDED.
Talk to someone. Who? Let me talk to total strangers, like I'm a pile of dirty laundry waiting to be sent out for a fluff and fold. I'm depressed and I need someone I actually know in life to care enough to be there when I need to talk. Yeah, I'm the grand enigma all right.
A coworker's 14-year-old son committed suicide last year. I GUARANTEE he looked for someone to talk to. I guarantee he explored every conceivable direction and either got a few bumper stickers and a shove or just the door slammed in his face. Guaranteed.
Change "talk to someone" to "let someone talk to you." That's where the whole plan is unraveling before your very eyes--guaranteed.
It doesn't really sound like you know what I'm going through. I never said there was shame in talking to people on the internet. I think my main point is that it shouldn't be necessary, as in it should be something you want to do, not have to do because the people who actually know you don't give a damn.
You can't let your depression depend on other people. Nor your happiness, nor any other emotion. Suicide is not bravery. The real bravery is trudging on in life and dealing with whatever happens in the best way you can manage. There are support groups, group therapy, with people who are in the same boat as you, all getting help and supporting each other. There's inpatient programs. Coping skills. Defending suicide is not only very unhealthy, but also scary and dangerous. This is coming from me, someone who is decently suicidal on a regular basis. You're standing with the devil. It's about time you start fighting him off.
I couldn't make sense of any of that. You state your opinions as facts. They're not. Depression does depend on other people. It's just nuts to think otherwise. 20 years alone. Do 20 more? No. And support groups and group therapy and shrinks--total strangers have a greater capacity for understanding and compassion than people who actually know you? So my friends and family outsource compassion. Just send me off to strangers to get cleaned and pressed.
Suicide is extremely brave. Trudging on in life for no other reason that a fear of death is C O W A R D I C E. Ending one's own life takes more courage than anything else on earth--that's why so many fail at it. Killing yourself is easy???? That's from the moon.
I'm not interested in fighting anyone off. We're nothing more than monkeys. Life is for sex and getting drunk/high. Nothing more. We're just bodies walking around.
To know me for more than 15 minutes is to know I have no damn business being alive at this time on this planet. And here's another reason I'm so extremely misanthropic: everybody thinks they have a right to tell you what to think--even total strangers.
When what you feel is fear or even terror just as you're trying to kill yourself, then responding to that fear is cowardice. Pushing through it is bravery. That logic holds up no matter what analogy you test it by. So stating what is so obviously the polar opposite of reason, logic, and common sense in the hopes of affecting or limiting another person's choice--it's nothing more than calling names.
Pushing on in a lonely, empty, pointless, worthless life for no other reason than fear of death--THAT is cowardice.
One, feelings aren't facts. THAT is a fact. Two, if you don't like your friends, get new ones. You can do that in groups.
Look, I'm just trying to help you out with a better perspective. If what you see all around you; people living their lives happily and functioning healthily and moving forward in life positively doesn't make sense to you, then fine. If you wanna walk around for the remainder of your life pitying yourself because whoa was you nobody cares, fine. If you don't wanna help yourself or try to change your reaction (which is all you can do), fine. If all you wanna do is complain on blogs and advocate suicide, great, God willing no one is stupid enough to think you might be onto something.
If you wanna ignore any and all the help available, including that of a total stranger JUST BECAUSE we're strangers, fantastic. Stay ignorant then. Stay sad. Stay alone. Remove yourself if that's what you really wanna do, even though I don't really think you wanna do it, or you would have instead of complaining about it ON A PUBLIC BLOG.
Or, you could take a shot at chilling your ego, shutting up and listening to someone who actually might know better than you about what this stuff is and could help you out. Your call.
Maybe killing yourself isn't easy, but dying sure is. It takes bravery to face the world day after day knowing how hard living can be. But it doesn't really matter how cowardly it is to kill yourself. What matters is that it's self-indulgent. Yeah, I do know what you're going through. I came pretty close to killing myself at one point. I had it all planned out down to the time and place. But you don't wanna hear about it. You just wanna keep telling people they don't know crap.
I never said you thought there was shame in talking to strangers online. I was just clarifying that there's not. I was trying to make you feel better about it.
I can tell if someone knows better than me by the responses I get. If it's just a bunch of parroting 'public opinion,' or repeating stuff I have tried a multitude of times as a 49 year old woman, then I think I can safely disregard the pabulum I'm getting. If friends and family don't give a sh, then a stranger won't either. Common sense.