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Swearing- I don't want this to break up our family

I sit here with our 11 week old baby on my lap, crying and my partner has just taken the car with a cigarette (he only just quit after the birth of our lil one even though he promised to quit before he was born) in hand (I am a bit shaky so I do apologize if some or all of what I say doesn't exactly flow or make sense).
We had another fight over his swearing - he has known from the start my feelings toward swearing and has promised me on so many occasions to stop or not around me… we have only really started fighting since our beautiful baby was born because I am so tired of him cursing around our son.
He now tells me that they are just words and I am an adult so he should be allowed to talk to me and include swearing - I find swearing to be aggressive even though he is calling me the "C".
I know that this may seem really stupid but it really means the world to me - I love him and I don't want this to break up our family but I will never forgive him if our son swears as a child.
I just don't know what to do - he never used to speak like this (around me anyways).

j
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replied February 3rd, 2012
**he ISN'T calling me the "C".
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replied February 15th, 2012
I really hope things get better for you. Perhaps right him a letter to explain how offended you are when he uses bad language.

People often swear a lot because they are unable to articulate how they feel about a situation or fear of not been understood unless they swear. Especially when stressed or frustrated. I swear whenever I feel like I'm not being taken seriously. So it may worth you to notice his swearing pattern. Maybe help him paraphrase what he is trying to say. It'll show that you are listening to him and he wouldn't need to make great emphasis.

Hope this helps.
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replied February 23rd, 2012
I clicked on this because this is one of my complaints recently. I find that I have been given the same answer! That swearing is not offensive to HIM so he is going to swear and is fine with it. The hurtful part is that it isn't fine with ME and he doesn't see that a little control over his choice of words would avoid hurting me. He has also admitted that because he knows it offends me, sometimes he may do it on purpose to hurt me.

My mom gave me some advice, to just not listen, to walk away. I've fought it over and over and it escalates the more I push him to respect me for it. Because he knows it hurts me, I need to not respond to satisy him. I need to say "I'm not listening to swearing, it's offensive" LEAVE It at that and simply walk away. Taking the fight out of it will have a bigger impact than anything else. (I hope) I haven't tried it yet, but our last fight was over this very issue and it was ugly.

Stand up for what you believe in, but don't impose it on others. This is really hard for me. I need to try to stand up for myself - by not listening to it, walking away - but I can not impose the standard on someone else, meaning I can not require him to not swear at me, I can only require myself to walk away. Good luck! The affects are far more damaging than just your son repeating the words. This is something worth standing up for.
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