You aren't wrong to want it, but you know that no one will approve of it. I would sit here and try to talk you out of it, like anyone would, but you have decide to live for yourself. Personally, I stay alive for my family, with my fingers crossed that things will get better, hoping it cant get worse, though in reality it always can. I am very sorry you feel the way you do, and i can sympathize. I suffer from a mental 'disorder' myself as well as most of my family, (witnessed multiple suicide attempts by my mother, tried about four times myself). It may sound like an easy way out, but its not that simple, never is. Hate to say it, but maybe talk to your son about it, if hes old enough, could give you some perspective about how it would affect him if you did follow through.