My boyfriend is going to kill himself. He has a lot of mental problems and he has always believed that he inevitably is going to kill himself, he has been on medication before he has been hospitalized he has had counselling, every time he gets close I tell someone and he goes to the hospital and it always comes right back to here, so now, i feel stuck. I dont want him to die, I can't handle it, I really can't he told me that he is going to die really soon but he promised he would see me again 1 time first, i could tell someone and send him to the hospital and put it off again but It feels stupid to keep repeating this same pattern because in the end its his choice, and im really scared of whats gonna happen to me when he goes because I have stupidly centered my whole life around him and I dont know how to be okay if he kills himself.
everytime i feel happy i just feel sad again, sometimes i cant even get out of bed and i know he is hurting and feels like he has no other options but it hurts me that he could do this to me, basically ruin my life, and yes i would do anything to make it okay, I feel like I have sacrificed so much and put so much of me into him that its not fair for him to just go die and make it be all for nothing...I have talked to him about it, ive talked about how much ive done and how much it would hurt me and his family, how it would basically ruin everyones life.. he said "your asking me to be miserable just so you can be okay" and i told him he was asking the same thing of everyone else. he does feel an enormous amount of guilt, and i thiink he feels that if he could stay for everyone else he would but he literally feels like he has no other option he cant handle the pain he's in, he cant handle the inner conflicts he has and im just not enough to keep him here
I feel like I need to have some kind of plan for when it happens but i dont really think theres any way you can prepare yourself to lose someone you care about so much
please dont tell me to call 911 or call his parents or a hotline, its all been done before, right now im worried about me, because what he does honestly is not up to me.
Yes it's been done many times in the past but surely you have a duty to yourself, him, his family and friends to report it?? I think that if you didn't report it and he did committ suicide then you would regret not trying to help him and feel guilty.
I think he needs counselling to try and work out the issues he's having and try and resolve the inner conflicts he's having too. I also think he needs to be medicated to help with his mood. Did you notice an improvement when he was on medication? If so then encourage him to go back on it and stay on it. IF not then he might need a different medication there are lots of anti depressant medications out there sometimes it's just trying to work out the right one and get the dose right.
My Aunt has been diagnosed with clinical depression and tried to kill herself not that long ago. She has to take anti depressant medication to help with the symptoms and try and rebalance the brains chemistry.
The fact that your boyfriend is telling you he wants to die and he will commit suicide, suggest he doesn't really want to die he is crying out for help but doesn't know how to do it apart from saying he wants to die. A lot of people who do commit suicide, have a history of self harm, mental health issues etc but they tend to keep their emotions completely bottled up including the thoughts of suicide. It's this that is leading me to think it's more of a cry for help than anything.
Please don't give up on him. I know how much it's hurting you and you feel that you aren't enough for him etc etc but I think you are enough which is what is stopping him from just killing himself. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings as it could be a sign of early depression and counselling might be enough to stop you going down the same path.