Im suicidal,..tried evrything and nothing helps. Its been 20 years of hell!!
I miss the 80's when everything was good. There is no way you can convince
me that suicide isn't the only way out. It works! I stopped believing there is a god or even hell 10 years ago; it seems too makebelief, people invented religion to control people and not to be affraid of dying.
Just feel bad about letting others suffer from my death; at the same time, no one can take me any longer.
The love of my family and friends has disappeared. 20 years of hell got rid of all the love I used to receive.
What caused my illness, extreme bullying! My principal didnt want to believe that I was being bullied to death.
On my birthday, I got a broken nose; I was blamed on being paranoid by my teacher and principal that the fight I didnt start and that broke my nose coincidentally happened on my birthday! Wow, some people didnt want to do their jobs.
All the bullies got away with murder,..a future murder.
Don't worry, still don't have the guts to slid my throat but one day, I will.
Already placing the knieve on my throat but seems very painful to try and cut, even if the pain just last 2 or 3 minutes.
how come u don't say anything about gong to dr and getting meds and taking OR NOT taking them;
also u said something that seems strange; "people invented religion to control people and not to be affraid of dying"
NOW THAT MIGHT make sense but time, facts, knowledge ALL SO NOT TRUE otherwise all those who claim to have a heaven or hell would do as u say and be glad to go to heaven BUT DIE first AND THEY DON'T.
. . SO HOW about that dr. question
You may be on to something there. Religion is bad.
Did you know that the bible doesn't say that there is a heaven or hell either, these people pretty much took that book and turned it into something else entirely, not to say that it's true, but apparently you believe something in it, which is no one goes to heaven or hell.
In fact, wow, I suppose all atheists believe in the bible when it comes to that, because it says that you die, no heaven or hell. They just made the mistake of listening to the religious people that don't read it at all. Always a rule, bible and religion don't mix.
And I have to disagree, there is most certainly a devil. probably many actually.
Sorry for being so graphic, all I wanted to say, is my story and how my life has changed since the problems started in 2nd grade(elementary school) and slowly degraded to a life of pain and loneliness.
I went through 2 stages of my illness.
1st stage at 15 yrs old: I had BDD, anxiety and bipolar and severe depression.
2nd stage 19 yrs old; schizo-affective disorder with BDD and anxiety and severe depression.
In my 1st stage, I already thought I have seen the worst! I already was barely making it with thoughts of suicide and loneliness.
People ask me why Im so tough and sometimes cold..My illness makes me feel as if im a soldier,.that went through war/hell..its painful.
Well I have the same mental problems you have. I have suicidal ideation all the time, I've attempted to slash my own throat. I'm tired of being betrayed, abused and exploited by people. The only way out of belonging to this disgustingly sick society of my own species is to go live in the wilderness or kill myself. The latter would be a choice that would be likely lead me to suicide anyway. I take solace in not having children and that I haven't dragged another human being into this hellhole planet. I also take solace in having the balls to not delude myself with religion as an opiate of hope to cope with how terrible the world is because of all the social turmoil religious people who are tearing the world's civilizations apart in the name of their God causing another Dark Age are causing. Sure, you can delude yourself with religion as a coping mechanism, but at what cost? By becoming more dependant on religion to cope with even greater and ever-increasing problems that religion is causing? Humans have become spiritual junkies who impose their religious addiction and the problems their religions cause on everyone else. Humans continue to fruitfully multiply into a world in which all fish in the ocean will be extinct in 40 years. Meanwhile, people who are not a part of that problem are called crazy because they want to stop belonging to such an ignorant and self destructive definition of normal according to biased, preconceived, utterly stupid religious and cultural traditions.
I'm not crazy, you people who think what normal is defined as breeding into extinction in a hellhole planet because your religious and cultural traditions tell you to fruitfully multiply into the hellish plane of existence are the ones that are crazy.
As a mother of someone who suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, severe depression and stress induced psychosis...everything all of you have said hurts my heart. I am so sorry that the people you need are not there for you, fighting for you...I have done it every day. Many sleepless nights, tons of love and understanding, so many tears and frustrations...I won't allow it to be in vain by giving up on him. He first tried to kill himself when he was 6 years old...I caught him hanging off his bunk bed with a blanket tied around his throat....once we got him to the hospital, they had to medicate me too! Its so hard, but what is even harder is seeing the people you love succumb to this atrocious disease. Those people who bullied you...and those people who turned their backs and ignored the problems...are the sick ones. They are the problem. People all over have to wake up. My son had bullies his entire life...and we've had varying degrees of help from schools...some of them cared, some of them did not. We've even had to get the police involved on a few occasions. Plus, his real dad is a piece of work....to put it mildly, he was abusive towards our son and me, so I left him...he has had little involvement in his son's life, frankly it's for the best. It's been a long, LONG road...but things are better for the time being. We have made sure there is support for him..always...it's a big job, but it's worth it..trust me, it is worth it...his walls are covered with letters, and short messages from all of us, his friends, his family...just so when he is alone, he see's the reminders of love and the support we all want to give him..I don't know if it helps, but he says it usually does...we keep these things at normal places his eyes seem to look around his room. He still lives at home because of his condition...but we got a place with attached apartment..so we are literally a doorway away from him always. We did, of course, seek outside help...finding the right doctors and the long journey to finding the appropriate medication was crucial...so many cocktails..it took us forever to find the right fit for him. Only over the past year were we finally find something that, for the time being, works...we also changed his eating habits.....putting him on more natural, organic foods/drinks...and focusing on vitamins and minerals that tend to boost your mood.Not that he doesn't indulge from time to time..but changing the way he ate, helped. The biggest help though...has been through a cleansing of influences...removing himself from the people who bring him negativity. This included a girlfriend, who suffers from multiple personality disorder...and she would use it as an excuse for cheating...they stayed together for over 2 years...and that was perhaps the worst 2 years of this journey so far. Once HE made the decision to cut her loose for good, and though yes he still misses her from time to time....he has made a complete 180. He is hanging out with the friends who make him laugh, and that he has fun with..they encourage his creativity, and he goes and actually does stuff now...just 2 weeks ago we took a family vacation to a huge music and film festival..he wouldn't have gone before, he didn't allow himself to have positive experiences when he was with her...and he was sooo happy. We are actually planning to move there in a year now, something he is very excited about. He has lined up a roommate already, and is now feeling like he is more prepared to venture out on his own(though we will still be living very close by). He is finally making positive choices for himself, like college which he starts next fall. It wasn't just her by the way, he had a series of people in his life who brought him down..some were friends, and a few were even family members. I know that sounds terrible, but it made a world of difference....it's been a half a year now, and he is thriving. Not that he doesn't have hard times, mind you...but he sounded just like you less than a year ago. I won't make comment on your beliefs...that is for each person to find on their own. My son is still finding it for himself as well...and he will find it..whether he believes is just eternal sleep, or if he decides that we all start our lives over and over again, or if he feels we get pearly gates and streets of gold..doesn't matter, what matters is how you live your life now. I hope that all of you can find your own version of peace..and I hope that it isn't by leaving this world. I hope you can eventually find what does work for you...and also, there are people who care about you and what happens to you. Be well..and best wishes.