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Sudden personality change ?

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Hi, i'm posting this because i am very concerned about my boyfriend. I'll just give you the entire story and perhaps you can help me decipher what is wrong and how to help him.
So, we are in a long distance relationship, we've been dating for around a year. we are both 18 and his last school break, he decided to visit me at my college during my break (this was mid February). We made the decision to have sex for the first time (we were both virgins coming into the relationship) but afterward decided that we weren't ready for it. So, having put that aside, a few hours after our experience with sex (we were taking a nap on the couch), we woke up and he was noticeably different. He is usually very outgoing, charismatic, and i've never met anyone so kind. for the rest of the day, he was quiet and acted very withdrawn and uncomfortable. i asked if he was ok, but he assured me he was fine. the next day while talking he admitted to have been different because he was trying to process what we did (it is a big no-no in our religion for premarital sex even though we are certain we will marry eachother) So, from when he returned to his school until now (it has been two weeks) he has continued to act very distant and makes quick excuses to get off the phone. I discovered this treatment is not only to me, though, one of my siblings that attend school with him pointed out to me that he was acting "extremely" different than how he usually is i.e. antisocial towards everyone, quiet, moody, etc... When he called me last night for our usual conversation, i put him on the spot and he readily admitted he felt extremely different ever since we woke up from our nap two weeks ago. he assured me that it had nothing to do with the sex, but i'm not entirely sure about that. he told me that he felt like a different person, that he had taken on a new "personality" but couldn't just shake it off. he said that he no longer had any desire for the rest of his life to ever have sex again and that he had not been "turned on" since the change (i.e. he has not had an erection in 2 weeks). His libido basically disappeared, and this is especially unusual for an 18-year-old guy. In his words, he is concerned about this personality change for the reason that none of it bothers him. He described to me that he had lost all ambition for anything. an example he provided was that he would usually try not to sleep past breakfast and would feel bad that he wasn't healthy if he accidentally did. now, he said, he doesn't care at all if he misses breakfast. this applies to his clases, his relationships (he has abandoned all friends except for two), and a number of other things in his life, i am worried for this reason because i know he may get into trouble. The final thing that really impacted me is that the relationship we are in with eachother he no longer really cares about, he admitted that he doesn't find talking every evening to eachother very desirable and even pointed out that he recognized he was being a jerk, but still lacked emotion, he recognizes that the choices he is making are not like him and he hopes for it to stop, but doesn't see an end in sight. He has no idea what has happened to him, and neither do i. if you have any idea of what is wrong and even what we can do to get him back to himself , i would be so very thankful.
I understand that I am young and that there may be a bias against our relationship because of our ages. I can assure you I am serious about him and want to help him to be himself again. what worries me is if this is permanent.
thanks for taking the time to read this, any feedback is appreciated!
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First Helper skiesgrey
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replied February 26th, 2009
hi
ok this is the only thing i can think....he feels guilty...
you said it was agaist yalls religiion??
Maybe this new personality thing is like a depression from his guilt....
ok i dont know who yall believe in..but I believe in Jesus Christ and if i was put in that position where i felt guily i would repent....which means asks for forgiveness and never do it again....well atleast not until yall get married
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replied February 27th, 2009
just guilt...?
Thank you so very much for your insight. I thought that may have spurred it even though he assures me not, but he is also extremely apathetic right now, towards anyone for that matter. I'm actually pretty sure that he no longer is concerned with our relationship (mostly because he told me) which leaves me in quite the situation because I have basically given my heart to him (not to take this off of a "professional" level or anything...) Thank you very much, I am a protestant christian and I believe very much the same thing, it is just really a rough patch in our relationship right now because I biblically became his "wife" and if this ended badly i don't believe I will every be able to comfortably date again.
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replied June 20th, 2011
Reevaluating who he is.
This response is years after the fact, but I feel it is an important addition for anyone who reads this in the future.

I had a similar experience: I was raised in a Protestant family and fully believed that having sex before marriage is a sin. When I was 19 I decided for different reasons that I was not going to wait. I remember afterwards that I was shocked that the world DIDN'T end. Then I felt numb and alone. God had not stopped me and I was more worried that I didn't feel guilty. I had to deal with the fact that I had made a decision that opposed what God wanted for my life. Being a Christian was part of my identity and I felt that when I had sex I had left a huge part of myself behind. After that decision I had to reevalutate who I was.

Your boyfriend may have been having a similar experience: Is he a Christian? What does he believe in? Where is God? These are major questions to deal with. He needs time to go through this.
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replied November 3rd, 2011
RE: Original Post
I would tell my story, but to make things simple, all I really need to say is that it is the exact same story as that of the original poster, with a few irrelevant exceptions. For instance, I'm male, and this has happened to my girlfriend. Also, we didn't have sex, but sexual contact. Nevertheless, so many of the characteristics in the changes of the person concerned in the original post have also been experienced in her. In fact, everything that was said in that original post, ranging from the lack of communication, contact, changes in behaviour and personality, and the fact that I was even told it is due to enormous and unrelenting guilt, that is unwanted yet nevertheless uncontrollabe and persistant for many months now. Previously, we too considered ourselves virtually as though we were already married. Also, it is, of course, prohibited as in the original posters religion. I would best describe it as her personality simply being taken over by someone else. The worst thing is probably that she herself admits those changes in commitment (where previously that commitment was the strongest bond I had ever known) and clearly dislikes those changes herself too, but is nevertheless powerless against these changes. She is like in an emotional state of limbo that will not ease off. One last point, we too are both, as implied before, virgins, and this was the first sexual experience for both of us.

I wonder if anyone can add their knowledge of this kind of psychological/mental/spiritual condition. I think there is genuine process occurring that involves each of those three areas. However, what can be done? Is it something that needs personal reflection, counselling, behavioural therapy, medical examination and assessment or just time?

I stand to lose the only person I ever want to be with, and thus, with it, my life!

Thank you for reading.

PS: I am still amazed by how something so rare can actually happen almost identically to other people too. Very unexpected that I would find such a strikingly similar experience in someone else's post. Does the original poster of this message have any updates?
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replied December 26th, 2011
This is going to sound very odd. After losing my virginity about two years ago, I have been nothing like I used to be. I was always excited about everything and extremely social. Ever since then however, I can't trust anyone, I'm constantly upset it angry with something, and I'm not at all talkative, even with people I've known my entire life. I no longer seem to find interest in anything. I am not in any way religious and never have been, so that's not the case. I really don't like who I am now and don't know how to get back to where I was. Also, it could've have just been due to the relationship between whom i have had sex with. I have only slept with 2 people and they are people I knew and were with for quite a long time before having sex. It's sad, I know. But it has been bothering me for so long. Any ideas?
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replied December 26th, 2011
This is going to sound very odd. After losing my virginity about two years ago, I have been nothing like I used to be. I was always excited about everything and extremely social. Ever since then however, I can't trust anyone, I'm constantly upset it angry with something, and I'm not at all talkative, even with people I've known my entire life. I no longer seem to find interest in anything. I am not in any way religious and never have been, so that's not the case. I really don't like who I am now and don't know how to get back to where I was. Also, it could've have just been due to the relationship between whom i have had sex with. I have only slept with 2 people and they are people I knew and were with for quite a long time before having sex. It's sad, I know. But it has been bothering me for so long. Any ideas?
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replied April 19th, 2012
An unthinkable possibility
As I read your post and got to the part where your boyfriend is being all moody and distant after making love with you, a thought suddenly struck me.Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe the reason is because he is gay, and that maybe he suddenly had that revelation about himself after he had sex with you..I can very well say this because the same thing happened to my twin-brother, which is now happily out of the closet after a little bit of coaxing and support.Same thing with your boyfriend.Maybe the reason he is feeling so distant and somber is because he is confused and overwhelmed with the sudden discovery. I don't know, your case may not be the same as mine though. If it isn't then good for you.Smile
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replied March 13th, 2013
Feeling this way myself.
I stumbled upon this page because I am suddenly experiencing these symptoms myself. I've been living with my Fiance for over a year now, and I've always had no doubt in my mind how much in love with him I am. But just last night, I felt different. I don't know why it happened but it was like a snap of a finger. I felt like someone else was in control of my body, and I just feel completely different. I felt a little better today, for I was hoping I just needed some sleep. But I still just feel off, and not myself. I have been through a lot of stress in the past year though...moving in with my boyfriend in the beginning caused my family to basically disown me. (it's looked down on in my religion as well) There was a lot of drama and very damaging things that were said/done after that that I'm still working on getting over. I also have been working full time and going to school full time up until about 6 months ago. After that, we have moved and we were also just recently in a car accident. I'm not sure if all this stress would be a reason for the sudden personality change, but I needed to at least voice the way I'm feeling, even if it is to people I don't know. I have never had any doubt how much I love my fiance, and how I want to spend the rest of my life together. I've always considered us to have one of the strongest bonds anyone could have. This is why I am so nervous and confused. How could I just suddenly feel like a different person? I still love my fiance, but I can't feel the connection as much. It could be very temporary, but I don't think it has anything to do with him. It's not just him I feel weird with, it's everyone I normally communicate with on a daily basis. It's me who's changed, and I don't want the change. I don't know why and it's driving me nuts. I also have a lot of headaches and loss of vision, sometimes..yesterday it was a lot worse but now at least I can see fine. Reading all these posts about psychological disorders online are making me very worried...if anyone has any input that would help me please feel free to tell. I don't like that I feel this way, I just don't feel like myself at all. I don't know what could have caused this, and if there could be something seriously wrong please let me know.

Thank you for reading..
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