Hi, i'm posting this because i am very concerned about my boyfriend. I'll just give you the entire story and perhaps you can help me decipher what is wrong and how to help him.
So, we are in a long distance relationship, we've been dating for around a year. we are both 18 and his last school break, he decided to visit me at my college during my break (this was mid February). We made the decision to have sex for the first time (we were both virgins coming into the relationship) but afterward decided that we weren't ready for it. So, having put that aside, a few hours after our experience with sex (we were taking a nap on the couch), we woke up and he was noticeably different. He is usually very outgoing, charismatic, and i've never met anyone so kind. for the rest of the day, he was quiet and acted very withdrawn and uncomfortable. i asked if he was ok, but he assured me he was fine. the next day while talking he admitted to have been different because he was trying to process what we did (it is a big no-no in our religion for premarital sex even though we are certain we will marry eachother) So, from when he returned to his school until now (it has been two weeks) he has continued to act very distant and makes quick excuses to get off the phone. I discovered this treatment is not only to me, though, one of my siblings that attend school with him pointed out to me that he was acting "extremely" different than how he usually is i.e. antisocial towards everyone, quiet, moody, etc... When he called me last night for our usual conversation, i put him on the spot and he readily admitted he felt extremely different ever since we woke up from our nap two weeks ago. he assured me that it had nothing to do with the sex, but i'm not entirely sure about that. he told me that he felt like a different person, that he had taken on a new "personality" but couldn't just shake it off. he said that he no longer had any desire for the rest of his life to ever have sex again and that he had not been "turned on" since the change (i.e. he has not had an erection in 2 weeks). His libido basically disappeared, and this is especially unusual for an 18-year-old guy. In his words, he is concerned about this personality change for the reason that none of it bothers him. He described to me that he had lost all ambition for anything. an example he provided was that he would usually try not to sleep past breakfast and would feel bad that he wasn't healthy if he accidentally did. now, he said, he doesn't care at all if he misses breakfast. this applies to his clases, his relationships (he has abandoned all friends except for two), and a number of other things in his life, i am worried for this reason because i know he may get into trouble. The final thing that really impacted me is that the relationship we are in with eachother he no longer really cares about, he admitted that he doesn't find talking every evening to eachother very desirable and even pointed out that he recognized he was being a jerk, but still lacked emotion, he recognizes that the choices he is making are not like him and he hopes for it to stop, but doesn't see an end in sight. He has no idea what has happened to him, and neither do i. if you have any idea of what is wrong and even what we can do to get him back to himself , i would be so very thankful.
I understand that I am young and that there may be a bias against our relationship because of our ages. I can assure you I am serious about him and want to help him to be himself again. what worries me is if this is permanent.
thanks for taking the time to read this, any feedback is appreciated!