About two years ago I was snorting cocaine heavily and hating myself for it. My nose got so bad (perforated and deviated septum) and I was so sick and tired of being unable to control myself that using became more painful than fun. This made it easy for me to quit without any help. I had been using for only a year and a half yet I had already caused irreparable damage to my body.

Until yesterday, I had been clean for almost two years. During those two sober years, I'd often remember how bad it felt to be out of control, unable to stop a snorting session at the time I wanted and spending the whole night using instead, even if it meant forcing the stuff up my congestioned nose and going through awefull withdrawal afterwards. I remembered the guilt, anxiety, stress and pain and was glad that it was in the past.

About a month ago, I started craving the drug and considering using. I thought about it every day and finally decided that I would go for it. I decided that it would be ok to do so if I used it in a different way. I thought it would be different this time because I intended to have a line here and there, maybe a maximum of 3 a day each separated by many hours. I knew I didn't want to go through those sleepless nights again.

How STUPID was I, to say the least! Yesterday I bought 7 grams (wanting to have it last for many weeks). I snorted a line at 3pm and now it's 5am and I'm still at it! I never should have ''trusted'' myself to control it! I'm doing what I so hated and soon the sun will rise and I will feel even worse! I'm supposed to see my parents tomorrow (well, today) and I'm hesitating between cooking up a lie to avoid them or facing them obviously ill, sounding like someone is pinching my nose! They don't know about addiction, by the way...

I never should have done this again, what an aweful mistake.