Hi, this is not so much a question as a cry for help.
I'm struggling, and I mean struggling, with how I'm feeling and the voices in my head. I'm constantly thinking and scrutinizing life (not my life, but the origin of life, death, life after death, if this is all real, if this has a point, and other devastating questions). I recently had sleep paralysis, and I believe it sparked a phobia of dying. I used to be super calm about it and didn't worry about it at all. Now I spend all day thinking about it. not about how it will happen, but it happening to my family, or myself, and if that's the end of that.
On top of that, I don't feel like anything is real anyway. this is worse than fearing death, because I feel like i'm experiencing hell. Typing this out is the most real i can get. I've found out I have depersonalization as well as derealization. I don't know what I can do about this, and if life is worth anything.. feels pointless (but too terrified to kill myself).