So... About 3 weeks ago, I started cutting myself, I felt like I didn't have any other options. It's because my dad yells because I don't get perfect grades, I do get straight A's!, and I'm the faster runner or swimmer. He pushes me and yells alot at me for that... Me and mom have a strong relationship, but she blames alot of things on me. I think its because she cant blame my younger brother, and I'm old enough to be blamed on, I guess. (im 13) When I was younger, I watched my dad abuse my mother, they were drunk, and the cops were called by the neighbors, and my dad has been to jail 3 times for it! But she's still with him, and they hate each other! There ALWAYS arguing, and blaming everything on ME, and giving my brother EVERYTHING! I hate it, and I wish it would just stop!
I knew cutting was bad, so I went to a church, and I asked someone about it. I was there for about 20 mins, it took me forever just to say it, its hard to talk and cry at the same time, and I was trying to calm down... I ended up writing it down, and she was shocked when she read it. I asked her not to tell my parents, and asked her what to do. She said I should sit down with her, the pastor, and my parents and talk to them. I can't do that!
So wednesday night, im writing this on a friday, I worked up the courage to tell my phone. I cried again, and wrote it down again. She was mad, and furious, and betrayed. I felt guilty about it, and I asked her what to do. She said I was just doing it for attention. Ha! I am hurting, and she thinks its fake? So, were not doing anything. She says if I do it again, she will tell my dad, and I know a fight will start if that happens...
I keep having urges to cut. I feel so... icy and free, wonderful, like after you just ran a mile, and your full of energy! That little blade will solve everything for the moment, and I feel dull, weird, and like a 1,000 pounds. I wanna cut. And I'm going to break the ice soon, i just know it. I don't know what to do. It's awkward between me and my mom. I don't know what to do. I'm stressed out, and I just need help. Yet, were poorer than hell, and I need all the help I can get :/
Hi SammiRena, how are you?
Better, I hope. Cutting, is not a solution to your problem. It's just like being a "couch potato", but worse. You said it feels like you've just run a mile.
Then, why not do just that. Try getting involved in a fitness program. Google "free fitness programs" in your city/area, you might find what you need to do.
You're only 13, your life has just began. It don't matter if you're (as you said)poorer than hell. BTW, when things are bad in our lives, that is considered hell. It's up to each of us to find our way to PARADISE, even if it means passing through Purgatory.
Whatever you can do to occupy your mind, in a good way, should have a good outcome in your present and future.
Your local schools might have some after school programs, wether is fitness or after class learning.
Some churches might also offer such programs.
Dear Sammi, please, I'm begging you, stop the cutting and get involved in something good and productive.
There must be something good out there that you can enjoy, with a good outcome. I'm here if you need more of my "Preaching" lol.
Hope to hear/read from you soon.
Your 13 so you must be in school
you have to get help as it won't go way
can you talk to somebody at school
and tell them everything you just wrote.
I know you be really hurting inside and cutting yourself
as way to releaf the pain at home
ive been cutting on and off for about two years. ive been bolimic for about four years. i started therapy about two years ago and it helps. id recommend that you find any adult that you can trust and just talk..talking has helped me out of committing suicide many times.
I wish there was a better way to deal with people with difficult personalities and are arrogant.
I always find myself stressed out when my husband talks to me like one of the kids. He always tells me what I'm doing wrong and i can't barely get a compliment from him. He always complains about money.He is very haughty and thinks he's right. This has been going on since we were married four years ago. The only reason why Ive stayed with him is because I have no money and I have three children. He also does alot for our kids. I have lost over half of my hair dealing with him from the stress and I want it to stop. He has gotten a little better lately but its not enough. Does anyone have any good advice that respects the family unit?