stressed about child

I have a 5 year old that will not listen to anything i ask him to do, and if he does do it is half way done with not a whole lot of enthuse.He also puts up a wild tantrum when ask to wash his hair , so that is never done, he is so afraid of water in his eys and shampoo, although we have tried to convinced him that the shampoo is tearless and we would be very careful with water running in his eyes, brushing teeth is the same thing getting dress ,same, most of the time i end up dressing him because he is not paying attention in what he is doing that everything takes extra long. I am writing in this forum becuase i need help! He doesn't want to do any kind of activity ,sport, if he doesn't have a playmate he just wants to stay home and watch t.v or play on the computer , and when he has a playmate he will not ride his bike or do any kind of out door phisycal play ,so he does not have many friends , but he is always asking for playmates and there aren't many, He asks for a playmate every day its not possible ,when i dont get him a mate he becomes angry , and then i start to lose it, and its like this with everythig he will hit or make a face ,or say no , i am here because i am losing it , i feel all i do is yell at him , sometimes i even say hurtful things to its almost like my mind has left my body i don't know who takes over me, it is this other person that has taken over , and after it, is over i feel like the worst mother and so guilty that i know i am mentaly abusing him , and as this is happening this child is laughing at me. I lost it.Please i need help with how to deal with the stress.And help my child with all his anxieties.Thank you