My sex drive is completely based on fantasies of me slowly being drawn into a particular subculture that is viewed as "bad". The main one is me becoming a wigger...dressing the part, smoking weed, etc. Having fantasies about me deciding to dress that way, speak in that slang and be a "bad kid" are my sexual release. Other common ones would be me becoming a punk, stoner, scene kid, etc.

What the hell...it is so frustrating, I obviously can't speak to anybody about it because it is so batshit insane weird, I can't have a heterosexual OR homosexual relationship because anything sexual doesn't turn me on in the slightest.

If it matters, I am romantically drawn to females all the time as in I am infatuated by them and feel this urge to be in a relationship with them (strong urges) but it's never sexual...I am "hit/blown away" for a lack of a better word by their beauty and it feels like there should be something sexually attached to that "blast" (I can't describe it any better) but there isn't.

What the hell is wrong with me, I'm 20 and it's always been this way ever since I was a younger kid. Is there a way I can turn this into normal sexual feelings or am I stuck being a virgin/alone because of it? Not to be cocky but just because of who I hang out with I have had the chance several times to be intimate with women that I am obsessed with, but there is no sexual stimulation and in the end I always revert to my same fantasies when masturbating. For awhile I thought this must mean that I am gay so I tried hooking up with a dude...same thing, nothing about it turned me on. The only thing that turns me on is fantasizing about the submersion into those negatively viewed subcultures...probably it's a sexual play on corruption but WHAT THE HELL I WANT TO BE NORMAL. Any advice???