Broken Hearted Forum - Still thinking about it years later

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > Still thinking about it years later

Q: Still thinking about it years later

asked by: fab5freddy on June 2nd, 2009

New User

Back in high school my so called "first love" dumped me. ok, it happens alot. But then she fooled around with one friend and dated another for 5yrs. This all happened so long ago but it still bothers me what she did. At one point I was over her and didn't want anything to do w/her. I moved on, served in the military, graduated college w/honors, got a decent job, got married and have one child. But years later and after all of this, I still find myself thinking about the pain she caused me. Her and I tried to get back together a few times but it just didn't feel the same. The first time while I was home on leave, we hung out and she was broken up w/my so called "friend". We kissed and fooled around w/each other, then started having sex and she stopped, she didn't feel right. A few years went by and we saw each other again, this time she was broken up w/him for good and leaving for school, we went out to eat went back to her friends house and started to get intimate but I freaked out and had to leave b/c I didn't want to get hurt again. Am I abnormal for not wanting to have sex with her even though she wanted to? Is it normal to still feel hurt after so many years have passed? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Replies(6)

PaigeCarter

replied on June 4th, 2009

New User

I believe that though we have gotten over a person, a part of them still remains in our hearts, in our minds. There will always be memories that when stumbled upon will ALWAYS remind us of that LONG AGO special someone. For me, in some ways I cannot get over the comparisons, the "what ifs", what life would be like if I chose another person over him and such....
As for running away the last time you met your EX, I believe that it is an instinctive Self-preservation on your part. We never want to hurt ourselves deliberately, right?
Best,
Paige

Users who thank PaigeCarter for this post: fab5freddy

fab5freddy

replied on June 4th, 2009

New User

Thanks Paige. I agree with the what if's part. I do sometimes find myself asking that also but then I go back to reality and try to convince myself that I do have a good life and things happen for a reason. That it wasn't part of the big plan for us to be together. You must stay busy and meet people. And your right, I didn't want to hurt myself on purpose I guess that's why I did that.

ServiceU

replied on June 8th, 2009

Supporter

i separated from my ex 2 years ago and i still become angry about the things he did to me. i m in a relationship and it's nice and peaceful, but i still have that anger.
i moved to a different state, i started over leaving all my furniture, i had to live in a shelter, i have a child, my own sister told me to fend for myself and she has a big empty house. i had to deal with verbal abuse and he was very nasty to me. i just felt like i m still scared and time will heal.
dont get me wrong i m content, but every so often my past sneaks in my thoughts.

Users who thank ServiceU for this post: fab5freddy

Angcurt

replied on June 8th, 2009

New User

theres a saying if u can't be with the one u love love the one your with

Users who thank Angcurt for this post: fab5freddy

rightside

replied on June 8th, 2009

Active User, very eHealthy

Everyone has been through some sort of eperience that caused them pain, anger or sadness. It will come back into our thoughts from time to time. Try to look at what happened as a learning experience in life. What did it make you realize? Do you know not to let those things happen again? There is no point in wondering what if, just know that at that point in time, it wasn't meant to be, and there is something better waiting around the bend. If you didn't end up with those people, it was for a REASON. Maybe to save you alot more pain down the road. Don't take what you have now for granted, or waste emotions on things that are long gone. It's not worth the stress and frustration. Gotta live for today, and figure out how you can make it better, because life is precious, and so, so short.

Users who thank rightside for this post: fab5freddy literarypractice

literarypractice

replied on November 13th, 2009

Experienced User

I think deep anger is often projection in these cases. You could be angry at yourself for being involved with this person, who I suspect you had doubts about. Maybe you feel like you allowed yourself to be tripped up by this person. If you consider this closely, and also look at what "promise" was made to you in this relationship that kept you hooked and wanting better than what it provided, you might find that a lot of this anger dissipates.

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