hello (again) all! im 8 weeks pregnant and have so much negativity around me that i feel like im might go insane or break down or both. my parents arent currently speaking to me because im not married. for the record, im 27 years old (will be 28 when the baby arrives), have always held down a job, never asked them for anything, have been in a loving, supportive relationship for quite some time with a really good man with whom im purchasing a house (we have lived together for right at a year but dated way before we 'shacked up'. as if that wasnt enough, my boyfriends daughter, shes 9, whom i sincerely love and adore hates that im pregnant. her mother (my boyfriends ex-wife) called my boyfriend yesterday morning and told him that he needs to spend more one on one time with his daughter. i completly agree with that. i would NEVER EVER EVER want her to feel like she is 2nd best or to feel jealous of her fathers attention. but on the other hand, im pretty upset (though i havent said anything about it) by the fact that his exwife was the one that called him. that she was the one to tell him all this and to top it off, she also told him that his daughter is afraid that he is going to somewhat ignore her in favor of me because of what im going through. i havent said anything to anyone about this. i just dont know how i should react. he knows and his daughter knows that i care very much for the both of them and it would make so so so happy if she were close with her little brother or sister. i just dont know what to do. could this just be the old ex wife mind game? ive never had a problem with her before. and regardless of my feelings of what she said, how do i handle his daughter? how can i make her feel that her place in this family is solid and the love that is felt by her father and/or myself will NOT be lessend by the new edition? im so happy at the thought of having a little one and all the love and joy and craziness that comes with motherhood but i am freaking the "F" out right now on how to deal with all the pressure!!
WEll, I would try to involve her in the preparations. Are you creating a special room for the baby? Having a baby shower? Place her in the middle of the preparations and make her role important...or plan something with just the two of you. Talk to her and see how she's feeling!
It sounds like you really have your head and heart in the right place. I also think his exwife's concerns are reasonable. Since you agree with her, too, why not plan activities for the three of you to do together? Everyone's happy; you spend time with bf, bf spends time with his daughter, exwife is happy, daughter feels included.
You asked "how can i make her feel that her place in this family is solid and the love that is felt by her father and/or myself will NOT be lessend by the new edition?" Tell her. Alot. Get her involved in some 'kids of divorce' support groups, too, maybe some counseling. 9 is a rough age to deal with this stuff.
As for you, you need to take care of yourself, too. The issue with your parents needs resolved. I think if you go to the forum on here called "Pregnancy Community Chat" many of the ladies will have some helpful advice.