First of all, my opinion may not help you if you have no faith in God. Sorry for that. The details that you have given are very little to give you a good advice. However, it looks like you are extremely hurt by your grandmother's sad demise (I pray to God she remains blessed in the Garden of Bliss). Sometimes, when we lose a very dear one, life becomes unberable to us. We feel like its worth living no more. Time doesn't want to pass. Each second seems to be as long as one hour. We just cannot believe the person that I cared so much for me is no more with me. Speaking in absolute honest terms, these are the signs of a very good person. It only goes on to show that you have beautiful heart in you which can feel emotions, knows how to love others, and most importantly, knows what it takes to be a nice person. All these are normal and signs of a nice person who has good emotions. What is not normal, however, is the fact that you are cutting your hands. Why are you doing that? Will your grandma come back by doing so? In fact, her soul will be hurt when she comes to know her grandson/daughter is hurting himself. You should pray to God that her soul remains blessed for eternity. Death is the ultimate reality of life which no one can ignore. It gets on everybody, from the president of America, the most powerful nation on the face of the earth to the poor man in Nigeria whom no one knows. Someday I and you will also die. I am writing this post now and I may not be writing any more after sometime. There is not a single person in this world who will not face death. Neither the wealth of the rich nor the prayer of the poor can save him from death (sorry if I sound philosophical but isn't that the truth?). You just need to relax yourself and ask God for his help. PLEASE, don't hurt yourself by cutting your hands. That is not going to help you at all. Try diverting your mind into other thoughts and spending more time with people closer to your heart. Don't stay at home all day, go outside and meet with friends and try to be a little busy. If you want you can share your thoughts with me as well. If you don't want a public discussion, you can send a message in my inbox and share your thoughts with me. I am ready to help you. God bless you for eternity!

Nick, why did oy unot tel me this in the email you sent. I thought we were frieds? I thought you knew you could trust me and tell me. You keep asking the same things here about your Grandmother and people are telling you what I ahve been for a while. She would be VERY UPSET if she were here to see what you are doing to yourself. I can't do this by myself....you asked to write to em and I take hte tiem to write and actaully care about you....you said I was like your other Mom....and that made me feel so very special. SO, speaking as your other Mom who will listen to your concerns and answer your emails....do not attempt to hurt yourself anymore. You will end up wiht scars that you will have to explain. Do you not realize now that I know you have hurt yourself, you ahve hurt me too......because I can't do anything about it. You have my emial address....write to me.....tell me whats different thats caused you to do this....I am so worried about you now.....:.(

& between all of us you have many options for contact to talk about your grief. Why do you think you are so confined to your home? Is it because it is feared that is the safest place for you because of your behaviour & attitude. you really need to push through this now young man, encourage yourself to get on with your life & create a future for yourself. feeling sorrow for our selves doesen't help anyone especially you, You keep doing things like this & they will have to put you in an institution where you won't have your mom or even the internet to keep you busy. Don't get me wrong I tear up every time you & others talk about your pain, yes it's unfair & it hurts but dwelling in our sorrows does no one any favours. There are plenty of people who suffer as you have done & worse but they have had to pick them selves up & keep running because they don't want to let their friends & loved ones down. When i was not much older than you i lost a girlfriend who was in a motorcycle accident as a passenger They ran head on into a semi trailer (big rig), they were both decappitated it was horrible but the world had to continue because thats how it is! make an effort to turn your life around now because the longer you leave it the harder it will be . You always have the three of us to help you ok!

every single night i have nightmare most of the time is me in the like room i see my grandma is light and happy but when i get close to her the room goe's into a dark place and i get stabed in the stomach and things like that they never stop they get worse everyday.

Nick I want to send you a prayer, that you can pray & everyone here can pray also for you.
Dear Lord Jesus,I pray that you come into my heart, protect me always from the forces of evil that are attacking me in my sleep & through my awake hours take my bad feelings away & help me in everything positive, Guide me, Give me the direction that you require of me, Thankyou for hearing & responding to my prayers, Give me faith in you Lord, In the name of God Amen.
I will pray this prayer for you too & encourage all who read it to pray for you as well!

I am praying for you as well lil buddy! You know your wonderful Grandmother is with God. She is in a beautiful place. Be positive and ask God to keep these bad dreams away. As I've also told you.....when you start to go to sleep, think of something good you want to happen in your life....Getting your license soon and getting a car....Then you can drive and get a job and have $. Then you can do things/go places and not be stuck in your room! POSITIVE things. I'll be waiting for your email in the morning to know how well you slept....if you will talk to God and mean this with all your heart....and think positive things....You will have a good night. Sweet dreams lil buddy! F*GM (your other Mom)

I used to cut when I was younger, I managed to stop myself from cutting but it led to another form of self-injury (I became bulimic) which I managed to overcome aswell. Recently I cut again because the same feelings came back. People usually cut when they feel like they're out of control emotionally, or isolated, from what I've known. The best thing to do is to keep yourself busy, keep your schedule full and try to keep your mind off things. I know it's not as easy as it sounds. It's good that you're doing Karate because at least you have some time out of the house to take your mind off things. Whenever you feel like cutting go and concentrate on something else, go for a walk, read a book, watch telly. Anything.
After I cut the last time I felt guilty and ashamed of myself. I haven't shown them to anyone because the usual reaction to people who cut is "they're attention seeking". This isn't true, it's because they're overwhelmed by emotions or feel alone.
I know you're upset about your Grandma but as they say 'time heals all' and eventually it will stop hurting and you'll be able to remember all the good times But until then you have to try to contol it.
If you feel like you can't do it by will-power alone then go and see the doctor and they will most likely prescribe anti-depressants or will make an appointment with a pschiatrist (Not the most popular option, but they really are worth their weight in gold).
Don't worry about the scarring for the cuts you have now, use strong salt water and use an antibacterial cream to heal them quickly and, depending on how deep they are, there are options to reduce scarring (bio-oil, Scar Zone, Silicone sheeting). They will never completely go away but they won't be noticable after a year or so.
I hope this helps and I hope you listen to your friends and family, they know what's good for you and they'll always be there for you
Holly x

hey its ok! i remember when i started cutting. at first i wasn't sure y, i was kinda stressed with skl and such and i cut and out of no where i felt so much better so i kept doing it and i felt a lot better. i now have a ton of scars all on my arms and legs, its rough. i cut wen im and angry, but it sounds like you're just upset and confused (that's how i am,) so try to think about what your thinking about when you feel the ned to cut and see if that's what's upsetting u! i hope this helped, pm me if u hav any Qs and im here for u!

when i first started cutting it was becaus my grandpa died and i understand being stuck at home all the time. honestly only you know why you cut but based on why i do it i will tell you what i think. cutting feels good and it gives you a sense of relief. its an awesome yet addictive release.the physical pain cancells out the emotional pain and at least for a little while lets you forget.you probably have no one to talk to or dont know how and you keep all your feelings bottled up. maybe you cant cry. maybe you cant feel and this is your way of being able to feel that pain this is your way of letting it out. or maybe its just your way of feeling like you are still alive. maybe its all of these.i know i dont know you but you dont seem like you want to do this. my advice is get out before you get in too deep. cutting is a great release from all your emotions but it is very addictive. it is just like a drug. yes, even cutting can mess up your brain. its hard to give it up. i was clean for 19months and went back. please find another outlet. if you need someone to talk to i will always listen and i know theres tons of other great people on this site who will listen too. keep your head held high. things will lighten up.

you are obviously upset about your grandma, but you need to try to control this problem, yes it does feel better when you cut, but rather than do this, find someone, a friend or a parent or other member of the family you can talk to about your grandma. & try not to cut anymore as it can get addictive & lead to other things. hope this helps.

I've been cutting on and off for 13 years... Sometimes I don't know why, others it's because I need to feel SOMETHING because I'm so numb. Usually after a traumatic event I start again. I wish I knew what to say, but I just want you to know you're not alone.

Hello. I am also a cutter, and I cut for the first time out of anger... then it turned into an addiction that I could turn to whenever I wanted. Like smoking pot or anything else, IT IS an addiction. I realized this after I started getting heavily into cutting. Unfortunetly, I fell into spontaneous cutting, and now have a bounty of scars all over my arms and legs. You are probably trying to sort out your feelings, and by cutting you are reducing the emotional pain into something you can understand.
I hope you get a therapist or counselor soon.
All the best,

1-800-DONT-CUT and the website (www.selfinjury.com)

I just read a post with this on it..NO ads. just straight talk and help..Please all my cutting friends check this out..

Thank you to poster who sent this in..kd

As i was cutting myself a long time ago, i prayed to god but he never helped. I talked to my family, they never helped. then i talked to a friend...i always remember her words....you cut and i die a little inside, do you want to cause me such pain. Ive never cut since. find the one person that can help you....its people that make the difference not prayer....no offense to anyone...and sorry if i did offend anyone.

Okami honey I am thankful you found a friend to help you..Do you not know that through your prayers God sent you someone to help you..Your friend had the right words to help at the right time for you..God places people in our lives and they will be there for just this one thing mainly such as you cutting..God didn't fail you honey, he gave you an Angel..K