I can't do that, i know it's so blunt to say.
I was put up for adoption, i was abandonned.. i don't know my birth mother or father, they didn't want to be found. I've always wanted to see them even if they said they didn't want me, they never did i was a big mistake and can i leave them alone, that would be peace of mind, i don't hate them i just want them back sometimes, i just want to see what they look like etc.
I couldn't do what my parents did to me.. because the hurt ache on my behalf of pining for my mother, hurts it really does and i don't want my child to go through that because i'm to selfish not to be able to 'cope. They might throw it back in my face saying how could you do it? Your own flesh and blood? your own son or daughter?.. Love would have been enough!!..Not money?!.. ETc..i know this because those things i feel sometimes!
I'm harsh on myself because i don't want to make mistakes i'm scared of being a failure etc like probably most moms are ..wondering what they do is good enough!!

Sometimes i just want my mommy

Oh sweetie have you talked to your mother about your feelings? Your birth parents did not just abandon you. When someone is in that position no one knows the pain in their heart, the choice they made, the sacrifice given. For anyone to continue a pregnancy that in itself is a gift of love. You dont know if your birth parents were faced with the same decisions you are now battling in your heart. They too may have wanted to give you the world and they couldnt? As I said earlier in a post and open adoption, you could choose your adoptive parents and choose to take part in your baby's life. Fate has a way of always come back around. Maybe this in some way will open your eyes and give you some insight to how possibly your birth parents felt and what they struggled with.

We don't really get on too well but she knows and so does my father (: Yes but theres one thing abandoning and one in a place where noone is around?!.. it was just luck that i was found, i should be dead in all honesty. I'm greatful for the life i have now but i oftern wonder what life would have been like if she'd or them both had just kept me and not just given up soo quick, i don't know its hard! And tbh how stupid this sounds, i don't want the world or money or the best clothes i just wanted them! I just couldn't go with adoption i couldn't put my child through it .. i couldn't give him or her to someone else. I just couldn't do it, something inside me makes me wretch thinking about it, it sounds nasty and i'm sorry but oh i don't know! (:

I have to ask. Have your adoptive parents not loved and nourished you? Have you been given a stable environment? Why are you harboring anger towards people you do not know? You have no idea what they were faced with. It is sad how apparently your adoption happened. However, you said yourself you were thankful for having life. Life is full of decisions. Its how you choose that defines you as a person.

I've never got on with my mother for loads of reasons, to many to go into and furthering off the point! Yess my fathers given everything to me, love, support, education, help, food, a father. I don't know i'm not angry as such i don't know its hard to explain, i just think they could have tried harder i don't know exactly why i feel this way i don't hate them i'd just love to ask the question why, i just want to know who i look like etc, see them even if they hate me and don't want anything to do with me and be as plain and simple as to say your nothing to me, i gave you up cos i didn't want you, i just want to see them, there my parents.
I just know i couldn't do that to my child whatever the situation and i know my fiance wouldn't even think about it and i don't want too. I couldn't see someone take my baby, i'd feel i was failing as a mother that i wasn't good enough but i don't however think that other mothers oputting there child up for adoption is wrong, it's just personal to me. x

I understand you feeling a sense of loss and longing. There are sites that can help you locate your birth parents. It sounds like you are making the choice to have the baby? Have you ever thought about counseling to deal with your emotions from being adoptive?

Not really because i'm never going to find them i've already tried they'll always be in my heart.
I think i am, slowly, i just really want it to be the right one, i'm taking my time. I love my fiance dearly and he plays a big part in this, as much as he says he wants this baby and wants to be a father, he says its a big descion for both of us and wants me to be happy and reassures me he loves me muchly, i'm just still scared he doesn't quite know how much has to be put into loooking and looking after a child but i think he'll be a great dad as i've seen him in action with a baby when i was a live in nanny! (:
I'm just scared i think!
x

Lexandra the road ahead will be difficult but you can do it! This forum can help you along the way. With stages during your pregnancy, different changes your body will be going through. You are blessed to have the baby's father on board and willing to take the road with you.

time will slip past your fingers as to what the right decision is for you hun.
i really hope for the best for you, you should get support and help as a young mother, this will be difficult but getting help can make it that much easier.
its expensive, time consuming, a full time job, alot of hard work, perseverance, patience, exaustion, fatigue, frustration, stess, sometimes depression.
you might really want to see a counsellor like breck08 said, a pregnancy can be a very hard time for someone, and can be hard after too.
like my sisterinlaw said to me when i got pregnant:
'a pregnancy is an exciting time, but at the same time its very scary because things can go wrong' you just need to take care of yourself, your baby, ge help when you need it, talk when you need to vent, cry when you need to, and laugh when your most happiest.
its a big change once that child is born.
i thought i was prepared more than ever, and was in for a huge surprise! but i got through it, and things are just starting to get a little easier now.
if you want this you can do it, you have a great guy who is wanting to stick around, and at your ages, that is very rare.
you two seem to love each other alot and are very supportive of one another which is also a plus too.

PM me anytime you want to talk hun.

I can do it, I will do it, I WANT to do it!! (: I'm more than blessed so very happy that i have someone especially at his age that has more faith in the pregnancy from the start than i ever did. I'm so greatful. Oh gosh i know, my bodies going to be changing loads which will be slightly scary but i'm going to see it in a new light, its a life, this life will be growing inside me, i'm just happy that i'm going to give it my all and never going to give up, i know its going to be abit of a bumpy road .
I know i'm going to be tired just wanting to sleep but i know i will pick myself up and carrie on this is my child the baby will need its mommy and i'll always be there, i've been through the sleepless nights, crying, nappy changing, midnight feeds, the lack of sleep etc as ai was a live in nanny to a new born baby and they weren't with the child as much as parents should of i was like its mommy and the poor child thought so too.
I know i will never be 100% prepared for this, i don't thjink many people can be but it's going to be a beautiful experience as well as a stressfull one at times!
We really do love each other dearly and we you don't use the context of love and abuse it like quite a lot of young teenageers, he's supporting me more than ever and very postitive which really helps while i'm making descions and changes etc

xxxxx

Lexandra I am happy for you! You are wise to know what lies ahead will not be easy but it is the most rewarding experience one can have. Count your blessings and keep faith in yourself. If I was there I would hug you. Most important go ahead and get in with an obstetrician. Please let me know how you are doing and keep me up to date. You proceeded from the beginning as a mature young woman. You weighed your options and you took the time to figure it out. I believe you will find your answers about your birth parents along the road. You may never know everything but you might get some insight to maybe the hardship they faced.

I think you have made the best choice.
No one is 100% prepared for whats in store,
and i think if you put your mind to it then
you can be the best mommy for your child.
BE HAPPY!!
You've got a little life growing inside of you.
And if not straight away, later on in life you will
realise that this is the best experience you will ever
encounter

rhi xoxo

i think its a very grown up choice to make to keep a child. It is never a childs fault that they are concieved. ITs hard to be pregnant, or a mother in school and with a baby but the joy it brings far outweighs it most times. Sure there are sometimes my son is not my favorite person to deal with because he needs me 24/7 and I still dont want to lose myself. I think that you are going to be a wonderful mother and you will see that the beauty a child brings to your life is something extraordinarly different but it is one of the most rewarding things in life to see your own child smile! Good luck to you and your little one!