Bipolar Disorder Forum - Sound like bipolar ?

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Q: Sound like bipolar ?

asked by: lalaaa on October 9th, 2009

New User

Please can anyone help me with advice if you know about bi polar?
Hi, I need some advice and help about my male partner who I live with and have been with for 4 years, we are 29 years old. He knows he has a problem but does not know what but just tells me that he can't help the way he is and doesn't want to go down the medication route so therefore we do not have a diagnosis but I believe it to be bi polar.
He sometimes is totally normal, loving, very together with me, sympathetic and we are still very very much in love and best friends but sometimes he can have a few days of being suicidal, needing my attention and support 24/7, needing me to constantly reassure him as to how much i'm there for him and how much I love him, he'll have panic attacks and start irratic and paranoid fuelled fights etc etc and will see the world as a scary and dark place, gets very tired and doesn't want to socialise. Then after these couple of days it will followed by him being on top of the world, will go out without me knowing where he is, doesn't feel he needs to talk to me in anyway and will quite often just treat me like a ghost, dumps me continuously and tells me our relationship is rubbish and that we should break up just like that even though we have a life together and a few days before things may have been fine, he will act like he doesn't know me or need me anymore and will say the rudest, obnoxious and arrogant things to me and then doesn't understand why I get upset, in fact he doesn't even care that i'm upset. He even goes out and sees other girls behind my back, not in a sexual way but I wouldn't out this past him when he's in these moods. There is no reasoning with him when he's like this - he's king of the world and screw everyone else - he will openly stand in front of me and tell me that he doesn't know who I am.
After this period he normally sees the light and comes crashing back to normality and will apologise and generally be calmer.
Even after 4 years I find these ups and downs very sudden and always as upsetting as the last time they happen.
I'm not looking for relationship advice but does anyone recognise this behaviour? I don't know what it is but I know it's chaotic and not normal and leaves me feeling incredible lonely - I get angry about it when he is like this and sometimes start fights with him to try and reason with him but this just makes things worse.
Does anyone have any thoughts at all?

Replies(4)

neverNode

replied on October 9th, 2009

New User

Recognizing bipolar disorder

His behavior sounds very much like bipolar disorder to me (I have it myself, so I'm working from experience). When he's "normal," does he remember and realize the extent of the mood swings? Have you discussed how his behavior affects you? It must be an immense strain on your relationship for YOU to live with his symptoms.

I'd suggest that he do some research, at least online, about bipolar symptoms and treatment. It would be best for him to be medically diagnosed, and to learn about treatment options. He doesn't need to accept treatment - it's voluntary, but this doesn't heal itself.

I don't have any knowledge of successful approaches other than medication. There are drugs that help mellow the extremes, without blunting all emotion; for me, the relief is tremendous, because I don't fear either the deep depression or manic irresponsibility anymore. There's still a high/low swing, but I feel like I have choices in response now (instead of trying to stand up to a steamroller!).

lalaaa

replied on October 12th, 2009

New User

hi there, thank you so much for your reply and help. Yes when he is "normal" he is almost upset by his behaviour and will apologise but then he won't take responsibility for it not happening again. When he has these episodes though (and they do always happen after a few days of being suicidal) he lierally does not have a clue who I am and will say that we are no9t in a relationship and that I need to juust get over it - i'll burst into tears and he'll just sit there saying nothing, treating me with utter indifference and when people are having these "episodes" do they realise what they are being like or not? and the even wierder thing is that he only shows this side to me at home, everyone else sees him as normal - is this also part of it?
Is this all part of bipolar?

wendyrs

replied on October 12th, 2009

Supporter

Yes, this sounds very much like bipolar disorder.

hypomania_hunter

replied on October 15th, 2009

New User

Woha... This is crazy...
I think you deserve better! I mean come on... Being used as a priest and door mat will wear you out eventually.
Just imagine what it would be like if you two have children.

I am bipolar 2.5 - 3 (not exactly sure).
My depressions have been there since childhood. Started out with a near suicidal episode, then "stabilized" at mostly dysthymic with small glimmers of hyperactive hypomania of either euphoric or irritated kind.
In 2008 june I had my first manic episode ever (age 29 now) and I remember the most of it (even my reasoning during it).

The thing is: You DO remember actions taken during mania (perhaps there are exceptions) and then there are people who deny.
It makes me a bit upset to see how he is unwilling to change his behavior (medically or with counselling), even after all the stress he is putting on your shoulders.

If you do not want to spend your life with a person hurting your feelings in cylic patterns for all eternity, then give him an ultimatum.

If he loves you then at least he would TRY some kind of medication.
Bipolar does rarely improve with time.

You deserve to be happy and respected.

He reminds me of myself at a younger age
Getting love and fear all mixed up. Keep that in mind.

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