My son was stillborn in 1995, he would be 15yrs old on March 1st. My pregnancy was normal, I didn't even have morning sickness. The day before I gave birth I was having very light contraction, then sometime in the middle of the night my water broke. After I was hooked up to the heart monitor the nurse couldn't find a heartbeat so she called another nurse then she finally called the dr. After they brought the sonogram machine in and the dr couldn't find it - I could tell by the look on their faces that something was terribly wrong. The only thing I asked was why? what did I do wrong? They gave me some meds to speed up the contractions. Giving birth to my son knowing he wasn't alive was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. As soon as they handed him to me, my husband and I cried and held him and kissed him. He was beautiful. Then my family came in and we all just sobbed together and everybody held him for a short while. The nurses were great. They dressed him in the clothes I had brought and took pictures of him. The day after I got my tubes tied. I could not even fathom going through anything like that ever again. I don't regret my decision regarding getting my tubes tied. Telling my daughter who was 6 or 7 at the time was hard and she cried.
05.19.10 - I dreamed of him last night and today I am a mess. It seems to be getting harder and harder as I get older and I just wonder if I will ever be truly happy. I have a 23yr old daughter that I love and adore with all my heart. But I still have an ache in my heart for my son. I have even ask God to just take me so I can be with my son again. I know that is not right but I don't know what to do.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. I don't think any parent ever gets over the loss of a stillborn baby. It is a subject the medical has kept taboo and it is time to now educate parents to be so they can proactively be their baby's "en utero" advocate. I would like to share my story with you...
"Now, I am in the same situation as you, thousands like you -- like us -- dealing with the loss of a child. The reasons may differ but the result is still the same, pain and heartache.
I am a registered nurse and my husband is an emergency room physician. I have four children and never thought anything of it. I had heard of stillbirths but thought they occurred during labor when there was a complication. Why should I think anything different? The medical profession has hidden the details and frequency from us all.
Then came my son and my daughter in law. Their first child, a girl was born still at 36.3 weeks on June 28th, 2009. Danielle noticed no movement -- for a baby that was very active a lot of the time - one Saturday. She had read the books which reassured her and my son that the babies slowed down at 36 weeks -- that was normal. We got the call on Saturday night, "We lost the baby."
I was in utter disbelief. What -- How -- What Happened? I was in total shock. Bob told us it could be genetic, it could be an infection, it could be the cord, it could be a lot of things. My mind raced and was paralyzed at the same time. The ultrasound was done, there was no heartbeat.
My heart ached and tears could not come. I think our angel was going to be Chloe Gabriella or Lillian Bleu - depending on her features and who she looked like. But we welcomed our precious Roberta Rae on June 28th with all of the love our hearts could hold, as well as, all of the sorrow. Bob had nicknamed the baby, Roberta, after himself. That was what everyone called her and that was the name she had been hearing for eight months while Bob spoke to Danielle's tummy. So, Bob and Danielle decided to call her the name she knew, the name she kicked to, the name she swam to and the name she danced to.
Mark and I are now committed advocates for the stillborn. We live in Georgia (my husband is British and I am from Massachusetts originally) and we will do whatever it takes to enlighten the medical community and parents to be, as well as, to find a cause as to "WHY" when there are or are not any answers. I have been researching this issue since Roberta Rae's arrival and have been introduced to some incredible individuals to say the least.
Please research Dr. Jason Collins of The Pregnancy Institute, www.preginst.com, in Louisiana. He has been researching the issue of Umbilical Cord Accidents (UCA) for over 20 years. According to research by Dr. Collins and like minded Obstetricians throughout the world, the cord is a definite risk factor contributing to stillbirth and a definite catalyst for stillbirth from 28 weeks onward.
When you think about it, at one time people had a heart attack and died. That was it - no intervention, it wasn't developed and no one knew the warning signs. Now if you have chest pain and go to the emergency room, the measures taken are incredible. The same is true with a mammogram. Every woman who goes for one knows what the findings may be - but it is better to know why we are going and the importance of the check and deal with the findings - than to be oblivious to the challenge.
I have also become acquainted with a very inspirational family, the Libsacks'. Shauna and Steve became first time grandparents to a beautiful baby boy, Garrett Jamison Wimmer, born still on July 31, 2004. Together with Garrett's parents, Lindsey and Trent Wimmer, they have turned their sorrow from stillbirth into devoted pro activity aimed at defeating stillbirth. The Star Legacy Foundation, was born to honor their precious baby, Garrett. This foundation raises funds to aid Dr. Jason Collins in his research to end the needless tragedy of stillbirth. To date the The Star Legacy Foundation has raised over $26,000.
I guess the thinking of today is not to inform the parents to be of this possible tragedy which occurs later in pregnancy. All parents to be, as well as, medical personnel should be educated to the possibility and undeniable consequences of an UCA.
It is amazing the OB community continues to ignore the signs of UCA which are present "if" searched for. With 26,000+ stillbirths a year in the USA, and at least 30% of these stillbirths definitely being caused by UCA - it is imperative women are given the facts by their doctors. Once knowledgeable, they can decide their course of action with their doctor, seek scans, and be proactive for their baby before it is too late. In the words of Dr. Collins, "Why is no one talking about this?"
My brother was killed by a drunk driver when he was 12 back in 1967. I don't think my father ever got over the loss. My mother was amazing. Of course she was devastated, but she gathered up the pieces and made our lives as children wonderful. She didn't skip a beat. She laughed, cheered her baseball team on the TV and life went on. I want it to be that way for me, for Danielle and Bob, for everyone who experiences the birth of a precious sleeping one. I don't want the grief to consume us. I want us to smile when we hear the name, Roberta Rae.
So, have baby's umbilical cord and placenta checked for normalcy at your 20 week anatomy ultrasound. Recheck again at a 28 week ultrasound for any possible problems with the umbilical cord or placenta. The cord could be kinked, knotted, twisted, too long or too short or wrapped around the baby's body. If a problem is detected, a plan of action needs to be decided upon with your doctor. Possible fetal heart rate monitoring at home interpreted by your doctor, very diligent kick counting and / or more frequent ultrasounds may be implemented. All moms need to be their baby's "en utero" advocate. Know your baby's movements from 20 weeks onwards, keep a journal. Baby's movements such as speeding up or slowing down could be the sign of a compromised baby ~ and trust your gut...
As my dear friend says, "This is a club we never would have joined. We were chosen." There is power in numbers. There are hundreds - no thousands - of small stillbirth groups and organizations out there. If we all link arms, our voices will be heard. Please join us in raising awareness and finding answers for our little precious ones whose silence have enabled us to speak on their behalf.
Thank you so much for sharing your family's story with me. I am also so sorry for your loss. Like you, I had no clue that this could happen and when it did I immediately thought I had done something wrong. The first words out of my mouth were "What did I do wrong"? I had a wonderful pregnancy, never had any problems at all. I loved being pregnant. And I am so grateful to God (now) that I at least had my Aaron for 9 wonderful months.
I spoke to my mother yesterday about a dream I had about my son. We talked about him and what he looked like and how much we love and miss him. I knew she had pictures, one of my aunt's took of Aaron and the family at the wake and funeral. I told her I was ready to see them - 15 yrs later. I don't think I could have handled seeing them any time before ytd. I know he's with God and he's an angel watching over us but I still miss him everyday.
Thank you so much for all the information, I will definitely do some research.
I carried Jaden for 10 months. My due date was April 30/10. Had my doctor's appt on April 29/10 and there was no indication of any problems. The doctor stretched my cervix, sent me home and asked me to wait. If nothing happened, I would see him the week after. When I saw him next week, there was no heartbeat. I still remember clearly how both my boyfriend and I felt. After confirming that Jaden was no longer alive, the decision was to have a natural birth --- another wait. My family and friends think the doctor made a mistake for making me wait for natural birth as I am turning 45, had a miscarriage 3 years ago and this was my first successful pregnancy. I was very bitter and angry at the doctor and still am to a certain extent. Jaden was born perfect. It feels like someone has stolen our child. I think of him and miss him everyday. He is now with God and watching over my boyfriend and I. Based on this experience, I have no faith in the doctors anymore. The worst is that there is no accountability on their part.
Thank you for this article. I lost my precious baby boy Jakob William Reid on June 6, 2010. I was 34 weeks pregnant. I have two beautiful daughters and felt great during this prenancy. I had a doctor visit on June 2 and everything looked great. My heart and my families was broken. It helps to know that it is not my fault and that other people have gone through the same thing. It is not fair and we are still coping but it gives me hope to know that I am not alone. Good luck to you and your family.
Hello jkc65 and cheykenz,
The pain you are both going through is the most excruciating kind a person can endure. Please know you are not alone and if we all link arms and raise our voices we will be heard.
My daughter in law was fetally monitored in Charleston by Dr. Collins of the Pregnancy Institute in Louisiana, from 28 weeks onwards. Both Dr. Collins and Danielle's OB used the readings from the monitor on a daily basis. My grandson, Jacks, was born on June 14, 2010 ~ Praise the Lord!!!
lisa my heart really bleeds for you i have a healthy three year old son and my other beautiful little boy was born asleep just five weeks ago i feel robbed cant sleep or eat i just want too be with him the pain we have to suffer is unbearable sometimes its comforting to know someone somewere feels your pain and i do stay strong so sorry for our losses xx
I am so very very sorry for the loss of your sweet little baby boy. Please know we are all here for you and we are all walking the slow painful journey you are now on. Please remember, although this is a club we would have never joined, I truly believe we were chosen. I will finish my beautiful granddaughter's legacy by spreading the word and work of Dr. Jason Collins of The Pregnancy Institute. I now have a beautiful grandson, Jacks, whom Dr. Collins monitored from 28 weeks onwards. Danielle's OB read all of the strips along with Dr. Collins on a nightly / daily basis. Hang in there, please feel free to contact me anytime...
i no how u al are feeling...i went into labour with my daughter on the day befor my due date and the doctors checked everything but didnt do scan or anything...they sent me home cus they were very busy and said id have a wile to go yet ....i new that night when in the bath that something wasnt right with her so my bf took me down to hospital again and they put the belt on an checked heart and then done scan got more nurses in and doctors etc....my daughter had died..her cord wrapped round her neck twice and it hurts to know that i was in earlyer that day and they didnt check her with scan cus they wud have seen that and she wud still be here with me today...its heart breaking....this only happend on march 18th 2010....im greiving still and will be for a long time yet but to no she was soooo perfect and for them to take away her chances in life because they were to busy on there ward ..not good enuf answer i feel
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little daughter. It is extremely devastating to hear your story as you were so close to giving birth but turned away. It is amazing the medical profession is able to do this type of thing - and for the most part - not have to answer to anyone.
We must all band together and fight the fight for our sweet little ones. It is too late for my granddaughter and for your sweet baby girl, but we must educate all moms and dads to be, as well as, the medical establishment. Only then will the madness stop and our concerns of decreased fetal movement, hiccups, sudden discomfort or delivery by the 40th week be taken seriously. Please feel free to contact me at any time. We will walk this slow painful path together and please know we are all there for you...
im so sorry about your loss.. we lost our beauiful son last week 26.7.2010. i went into early labour at 24 weeks exactly and gave birth to our stillborn son, due to a true knot in his umbilical cord.. im really struggling to cope at the moment, and my heat bleeds for every family who has had to endure this.. he was our first chid and we we had so many plans for him. i have so many questions, but sadly no answers.. may our children rest in peace!! x x
I am so very sorry for your loss. The pain of loosing your precious little son is one that cannot be described. As I have written above, this is a club we would have never joined ~ we were chosen. I pray the endeavors to advance a 20 week ultrasound which will check the umbilical cord and placenta for normalcy, as well as, the baby's anatomy will one day be the norm and it will not be far away. We must all lock arms and have our voices heard. Umbilical cords can be seen on ultrasounds from as early as 16 weeks ~ the medical profession should not be hiding behind the delusion they cannot. Please know we are all here for you and please feel free to contact me anytime for anything...
Connie- thank u so much for your response- I'm really struggling to come to terms with the loss of our boy! Everything was fine- until my labour started- due to my water sac bulging through my cervix- we heard babies heart beat all the way- until the last 20 mins- I was screaming in my head to do a c section- I was so off it being on gas and air I couldn't say it- they would not have done this though as I was only 24 weeks! I feel that them pulling him out- due to trama- made the knot worse! I'm so frightened about the future- as I would love to be a mummy- god my heart is broken but do believe he was needed in heaven, and was far to pure for thus world- what country are u Connor? X