today my friend "Jane" came to me and was horrified. she is a mother of 6 and a grandmother of 7. a few months ago her only son "John"(24 yrs old) was very drunk, high on xanax and cocaine, asked her to have sex with him. actually begged her. she replied to him "John do you know who i am?" "i am you mother, do you understand?" "i am your mother!"
well John played it off and told her he was just joking, and he did not realize what a bad joke it was. well she tried to convince herself that he was just really messed up on the drugs and alcohol and did not realize what he was doing. "Jane" then told only her husband "Tom"(not the father of the 6 but loves them like they were his own) and they never spoke of this agian.
well last night her son "John" was messed up on the drugs and alcohol and he asked his 15 yr old sister "Mary" if he could do things with his tongue to her! "John" told "Mary" she better not tell their mom. well "Mary" scared, ran to her mother and told her everything.(im really proud of her for doing the right thing even though she was scared)well "Jane" called her husband "Tom" and told him that it had happened again. well "Tom" then talked to "Mary" and asked what she want to do about this, "Mary" said she just wanted to go live with her father "BILL" for awhile. "Tom" then asked "Mary" what they should do about her brother "John" and she said she didnt want to do anything she just wanted to go away. well "Tom" said okay, but after he started talking to his wife again he told her that there was no way he could let this go. that when he got back in town from his job that he would have a talk with "John" and find out what was really going on.
well my friend decide to not say anything to her son till her husband came home. that will be tomorrow. her daughter will be leaving in the morning to go stay with her father out of state.
"Jane" came to me asking my advice, she told me that she was molested by her father when she was only 11 and it lasted till she was 14. during this time "Janes" father would tell her stories of how he would have sex with woman and give her details on how she should do it with him. he would force "Jane" to watch him and her mother have sex. "Jane" ran away and got married to "Bill". "Jane" had all 6 kids with this man, and he was very abusive to her. "Bill" was a good father to the kids though. but "Jane" left him and took the kids with her. "Jane" still let "bill" see the kids, and he was always good to them.
"Jane has a very close relationship with all 6 of her kids, they can tell her anything. but "John" took that to far, he would tell "Jane" about his sex life and she said it scared her because "John" sounded just like her father, he would describe his sex life in detail to her. she asked him why he needed to tell her that much and "John" replied that he thought he could tell her anything.
"Jane" is going crazy and i dont know what to tell her. she loves all of her kids, and doesnt know what to do. "John" has a daughter and is dating a woman that has 2 girls. she is scared that he might be so messed up on day that he might really act out these things with his kids or nieces,or anyone for that matter. "Jane" doesnt know if "John" gets so messed up that he doesnt know what he is doing. "Jane" is really scared that "John" does know what he is doing and is just using the excuse that its the drugs and alcohol to cover up this sick and disgusting behavior. all "Jane" knows is this has to stop before he hurts someone and his friends finds out and take matters into their own hands.( we live in a small town of about 5000 people, we all know each other and know whats going on with everyone. little town loves to talk. also the police in this town are a joke and dont mind to turn there head and look the other way when news of this kind happens)in other words if something happened to "John" the cops would not look to hard to find out what happened to him and would say it was just another man gone missing on the u.s. mexico border.
"Jane" is scared. she doesnt know what to do. she doesnt want anyone to get hurt. she blames herself because she is thinking that maybe its like in their genes and is passed down like hair and eye color. she doesnt want to see her son hurt anyone. she has been praying all day that god just take him before he hurts anyone and is murdered by people that he knows or he goes to prison and is murdered there. she doesnt want him around because she is scared for all her 5 daughters, the oldest is 22 and the youngest is 13. she is scared for her grand kids. she told me that if it had been some stranger or even a relative she knows what she would to that person. "Jane" believes that a person likes that should die. but "that person" is her son. that she raised to be a good person loving and caring. to always do the right thing. she doesnt know how he could turn in to this monster.
my question is what can i do to help her. she was asking me if therapy could work, or maybe its a chemical imbalance. or maybe it is passed down in the gene pool, and that maybe it skipped her generation and was passed to her son. or maybe its just something that no one knows why this is happening. please help me help my friend. i hate seeing what this is doing to her and her family.
Why is "Jane" and her family having exposier to someone abusing cocaine while using Xanax? Jane isn't qualified to treat John. She needs to have him checked into rehab or put in jail to protect her family.
Abuse isn't hereditary, it's a learned behavior. However there are a lot of inheirited mental issues that contribute to being an abuser or abusee (Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety disorder, some OCDs). If you are abused you tend to enable abuse in others. That's why it's so important for victims of domestic abuse to get professional help in coping with what they've gone through.
jane needs to not allow her son in her home any more. this is called tough love! she has to protect the rest of her family from someone like him.
i think therapy would help because they are trained to help people who have mental problems.
he needs to do something about getting off of the drugs, pills, and whatever else he is using.
if she doesnt get him help, and she continues to allow him to do these things nothing will change. she has to take charge and get a hold of the situation. she needs to think more about protecting her innocent children and grandchildren. if anything happens to them im sure she would really be messed up inside.