Depression Forum - someone elses depression

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Q: someone elses depression

asked by: loupie on July 11th, 2009

New User

He's been distant for over 6 weeks now, dont live together so Im all in the dark. Miss him and am worried for him - drinking too much, has other health issues - heart, circulation, diabetes, obesity etc.In the past Ive 'pushed' it and almost forced him into speaking/meeting me etc this time (older wiser!) trying to keep away as he's asked for space - gut feeling tells me this can reinforce feeling of not being worth the effort - conflict being - should i therefore keep trying to give him his space, contact him say once a week, or stand on his doorstep?
All thoughts appreciated - im lost.

Replies(4)

ServiceU

replied on July 12th, 2009

Supporter

when your depressed you usually push people away.

1. i think you should leave a message on his voice mail, email whatever and tell him that you are here for him when he's ready to talk and that you care about him.
2. if you believe in God pray for him.
3. i would give him some space, it would be easy for him to not answer his phone or his door.

he has to be strong and get help for himself. i think it would be dangerous if he has a heart problem and he' drinking, and taking a lot of medications.
dont stress yourself out over this and dont apply pressure.

wendyrs

replied on July 12th, 2009

Supporter

I agree with Service. Give him his space but leave him a message that you are there for him. That's all you can do. He's an adult I'm assuming so you can't drag him to a doctor. He asked for his space so you have to respect that. When I feel depressed all I want is to be left alone. Eventually he will come out of it and call you back into his life. He will know that you are a good friend for being there for him. Go about your business and he will contact you when he is ready.

loupie

replied on July 12th, 2009

New User

someone elses depression

Thanks for the advice, it's so hard, I want to give him what he needs but I'm so afraid of losing him-either to the depression or the drink - he has a background in psychology, cbt, etc and so wont ask for help. He says he uses the achohol to control the Dep. keep his thoughts at bay etc, wont take advice from me (wouldnt offer any, honest!) but am concerned more so since the diabetes diagnosis. But you know better than me how this feels and i thank you again for your advice which I will endeavour to follow (perhaps a prayer for me too please?)

wendyrs

replied on July 12th, 2009

Supporter

Yes, a prayer for you! You're a good friend but there's not much you can do. I can tell you though the alcohol is not going to help the depression, only make it worse.

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