Ok here's the situation. I'm a 39 year old male. Divorced, various flings since, with long dry spells in between spent masturbating to porn. I think I developed some dependency on the porn, because when I do have real sex encounters, I'm often somewhat nervous about performance.
So recently, much to my delight, I began dating a 30 yr old hottie. I now have the opportunity again to have great amounts of wild sex.
However performance wise, things are problematic. It takes me a long, long time to reach orgasm, and I can only get there by rigorous, fast, rabbit humping. Or, I gradually lose erection, become discouraged, tired, and just cannot ejaculate at all.
I actually feel really close to this girl, and we have a great sensual connection. But the gently rhythmic kind of lovemaking just won't get me there. I end up pounding her (she seems to like it) with urgency to just please be able to ejaculate and not go soft. Same thing happened with a previous fling. The sex is great but I would love to be able to slow it down, experiment, etc, without worrying about going soft and tuning out.
Even when I feel super horny and lustfully initiate with her, I still eventually lose the erection and my drive. (Or again I need to pound relentlessly). I have kinky thoughts all the time, often crave sex, but once I reach the actual sex, it falls short of the fantasy. It seems like truly a sub-conscious part of my brain. I don't think I can just consciously relax and solve this. I believe, I hope, this is just a conditioned dependency from the porn.
We like to wine and dine together, but with any alcohol it's even more hopeless.
Viagra might be an option. But once it keeps me hard, I still need to reach ejaculation which is different from just being hard. I still have to pound relentlessly. This is all very frustrating. Recently I started taking 500mg arginine, but no conclusion yet. I take some fish oil and tyrosine also.
Is this the kind of thing that will gradually correct itself? Are there any exercises I can do to get back to normal sensitivity? (if that's what to call it).
Thank you for any comments.
Delayed ejaculation is a medical condition in which a male cannot ejaculate, either during intercourse or by manual stimulation with a partner. Ejaculation is when semen is released from the penis.
The issue in your case, would be due to your self conditioning due to your masturbation and porn addiction. You have developed a need a specific pattern of stimulation (during masturbation) to achieve orgasm. And it is possible that you do not get the same during penetrative intercourse.
Realize that you cannot force yourself to have a sexual response, just as you cannot force yourself to go to sleep or to perspire. The harder you try to have a certain sexual response, the harder it becomes to respond.
To reduce the pressure, absorb yourself in the pleasure of the moment. Do not worry about whether or when you will ejaculate. Your partner should create a relaxed atmosphere, and should not pressure you about whether or not you have ejaculated. The best way to handle this situation is to seek help from your partner and try techniques like mutual masturbation, different sexual positions, change of locations where you have sex, and so on. When you achieve orgasm, when your partner masturbates you will help in removing any form of anxiety or frustration in your mind.
You might also consult with a sex therapist. Sex therapy usually includes both partners. The therapist will usually teach you about the sexual response, and how to communicate and guide your partner to provide the right stimulation.
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