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soft before sex

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I have been in a relationship with my girl friend for a while and I want her to be my first. But when we tried, I couldn't get hard enough to penetrate. I have no problems with masterbation or when she gives oral. I dont take medications, but i did take alot of vitamins earlier that day. Can certain vitamins cause this problem? Why is this happening? Its embarassing and demeaning.
and before this, we were cuddling on the couch and my heartbeat was strong enough to hear it, I felt consticted and was short of breath. I didn't think anything was going to happen so i wasn't nervous. Would this have anything to do with it? Please help me out. I feel as if it will effect our relationship.
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replied November 28th, 2008
Experienced User
i think it's just "performance anxiety". you should relax. maybe you're trying to control things too much. i had a b/f who had this happen to him a couple of times. he was just psyching himself out.

if you're "concerned" about what you're doing, you just have to decide whether it's right for you and her. if it is (right girl, right time, etc.), then let go of your concerns a bit. i'm not trying to encourage you to do anything stupid, but i'm just saying that you should feel good about what you're doing, and if you are nervous about it or anxious about it, then that's not going to help you. in the case of nervousness or anxiety, either let go of what's bugging you, or just don't have sex until this is no longer an issue in the equation.

if "concerns are not your problem", then here's what you do. forget about your penis. just focus on having a good time. let her work with YOU too! think about it. you do foreplay on her to get her all ready to go...let her do some on you. don't have sex with her when you're in a hurry. take your time and who cares if it happens right now or 1/2 an hour from now? see my point? what will happen when you adopt this kind of attitude is that you will both have a much better time and you'll be able to let go of all this stress.

99.9% chance there's nothing wrong with you, you just need to relax and enjoy yourself more, take the pressure off, and just play the game. this is particularly difficult the first time you have sex or the first time you have sex with a new girl. it's common, so don't worry about it.

maybe just don't "plan" sex. as long as both of you agree that you don't have a problem with it, why don't you just let it happen when it feels "natural" to you. take the pressure off...don't push yourself. this is going to be one of the most fantastic times in your life, so instead of letting it be a let-down, or someting that is embarrassing, MAKE it awesome and fun for both of you! good luck!

jasmine
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replied November 28th, 2008
Jazzy77 wrote:
i think it's just "performance anxiety". you should relax. maybe you're trying to control things too much. i had a b/f who had this happen to him a couple of times. he was just psyching himself out.

if you're "concerned" about what you're doing, you just have to decide whether it's right for you and her. if it is (right girl, right time, etc.), then let go of your concerns a bit. i'm not trying to encourage you to do anything stupid, but i'm just saying that you should feel good about what you're doing, and if you are nervous about it or anxious about it, then that's not going to help you. in the case of nervousness or anxiety, either let go of what's bugging you, or just don't have sex until this is no longer an issue in the equation.

jasmine


thank you. The thing is it felt right and i was completely comfortable with everything. So you think its just anxiety? because i do have high anxiety. I do have xanax. I dont take it, but would it help me out and keep my mind from going 10 different ways?
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replied November 28th, 2008
Experienced User
i'd be willing to bet you that it's anxiety related. i don't think i'd take xanax for it, because some of those drugs can mess with your ability to get an erection (i don't know about xanax per-se, though, so check that out for yourself).

thing is...i can "feel" the anxiety in what you wrote. you'll be fine, just make sure to have plenty of time and do what you need to to take the pressure off.

my b/f who had this same problem, had the problem a few times when we first got together, but once we got him relaxed everything was great and he was an awesome partner (sexually speaking). unfortunately, he decided he wanted to show other girls just what an awesome partner he was...so we are no longer together. haha.

i feel certain that this will work out for you...
jasmine
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replied December 9th, 2008
Re: soft before sex
dereek wrote:
I have been in a relationship with my girl friend for a while and I want her to be my first. But when we tried, I couldn't get hard enough to penetrate. I have no problems with masterbation or when she gives oral. I dont take medications, but i did take alot of vitamins earlier that day. Can certain vitamins cause this problem? Why is this happening? Its embarassing and demeaning.
and before this, we were cuddling on the couch and my heartbeat was strong enough to hear it, I felt consticted and was short of breath. I didn't think anything was going to happen so i wasn't nervous. Would this have anything to do with it? Please help me out. I feel as if it will effect our relationship.


Taking vitamins has some side effects..maybe that is one of it.

Try to have sex without taking vitamins, and see what happens and if the same happens then you should go to your doctor instea.


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