I'm confused and coming to this forum for some unbiased truth. I have been with my bf for 7 years (call him Bob) and we own a condo together. He tells me loves me and I know that there is some truth to it. About 4 years ago a relationship with a friend (lets call him James) turned sexual which then turned to a fall on relationship where the word "love was used". For four years I carried on two relationships - yes I know this is is not right and horrible I have tremendous guilt about it. In January I ended my relationship with James as I thought it was the right thing to do for everyone involved. I am now with Bob only but I'm not sure its what I want. I'm realizing that James was so much more fun and that life with Bob life is passing me by. I'm 32, I want to get married, I want to have kids. I don't know where this relationship with Bob is going - days just seems to tick away. I mention marriage and he just saids he doesn't think about it. I was with James for so long I feel like I need to give the relationship with Bob a chance where there is no other distractions but I'm finding it very hard.
I will say that there has been NO sex with Bob since I broke it off with James and during the four years I cheated on him with James I can count on my hand how many times we had sex.
So I'm confused. I care about them both deeply and I have history with Bob that I don't want to leave but I miss James so much. I don't know what to do. I totally accept that I got myself into this situation. But I would love some advice thoughts. I'm sorry if this is scattered, my thoughts are sort of all over the place.