sleeping in separate rooms Posted: 05-07-08 01:52am
Well, here's the story. I have been with
my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years now. We
have lived together for about 3 years.
Most of this time I have had my OWN room.
I have my own stuff, my own bed, and this,
of course, is where I sleep every night.
We started to sleep in separate rooms
because he snored so loud that I had a
hard time sleeping. That wasn't so bad,
but it became unbearable when he started
to kick and twitch. He went to a doc about
it, was told he may have Restless Leg
Syndrome, but he didn't want to spend the
time or money on fixing it. Therefore, I
chose to sleep in my room more often.
Then, almost 2 1/2 years ago, I started a
2nd shift job. He works 1st shift. This
totally threw everything off. I'm just
going to bed when his alarm starts to go
off for him to get up. I tried sleeping in
the same room with him off and on, but
he'd expect me to say up with him until
4:45 am when he'd leave for work! I was so
dead tired and I couldn't do it anymore.
Besides, it wasn't fair to me.
I guess this is my current problem: I've
noticed lately that he's become
"sensitive" to the fact that we don't
sleep in the same room. He has had two guy
friends recently ask him why we are
arranged this way, and he seems to be
embarrassed by it. It hurts my feelings
because he starts to act like we are
freaks or something and nags me to try to
sleep with him.
There are several times a week when I do
go lie down with him and I just watch tv
until he drifts off, then I go to my room.
He always seems to get hurt when he
notices I'm leaving and tries to make me
feel guilty about it. I'm just tired of
having to sacrifice my sleep for his
selfishness and because he's embarrassed
because of his buddies asking questions
and thinking that we're strange or
something. I have had friends ask about it
before. At first I always get a shocked
response, or a laughing fit, but when I
explain why things are the way they are,
my friends understand.
Anyway, he's been acting sensitive about
this lately and really making me feel
guilty (for NO reason!). It's really
irritating. He's been so moody with me
lately, no telling why really, but I did
notice that all of this "sleeping in the
same room" thing started to come up around
the same time.
Is there any of you ladies who have dealt
with or still are dealing with this kind
of situation? I'm not really sure what to
do. I can't sleep in the same room with
him because I just CAN'T sleep! But I also
feel this rift between us because this is
one simi- important thing that we don't
share. Any suggestions? I'd love any kind
of comment. I'm just not sure who to ask
about this situation.
Thanks
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PenguinsRus
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Posted: 05-07-08 10:02am
I am sorry to hear that you are going
through such a tough time with him. My
boyfriend and I have lived together over a
year and he has a snoring problem too.
For the first few months I couldn't stand
it. We'd take turns sleeping on the
couch. Eventually we looked into things
to fix it and fortunately we found a few
things that helped with the snoring.
1. He made sure to drink a lot before bed
so his throat wasn't dry
2. He took a snore spray
3. We kept him off his back. When he laid
on his back was when he would snore like
crazy. He would always roll on his back
so we found that if we put a tennis ball
into the back of his shirt with a rubber
band, it would keep him on his sides while
sleeping.
Have you sat down and had a serious talk
with your boyfriend about it? He seems
hurt by it, so I would recommend sitting
down with him and gently breaking it to
him that how he is acting is hurting your
feelings. Maybe you guys can come to form
a solution together.
Good luck; I hope things start to get
better!
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Rosie H
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Posted: 05-07-08 10:43am
I have never been in this situation before
and Im sorry that some people have thought
you are strange. What ever works for you
may not work for every other couple. I
think you need to have a talk with him to
see exactly what hes feeling. Try to see
if its from what his friends are saying or
from what he actually feels. Maybe hes
starting to want you next to him and he
feels bad that your not there. If thats
the case then he also needs to meet your
needs too. Like being quiet when he wakes
up and trying to do something about his
snoring. You both have to meet halfway.
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lil_scorpio
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Posted: 05-15-08 01:32am
Thanks for the information. I will try to
talk to him about this and see if we can
come to a soultion. Thanks again for the
information! =)
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eeyore46
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Posted: 05-15-08 01:48am
Buy ear plugs - lol. My husband and I
have different schedules and he finally
bought ear plugs. I know that sounds
weird, but I don't have to worry about
waking him up this way. I know that will
not help the restless leg syndrome. I feel
my husand has it too. He sleeps on his
back a lot with his legs up and snores
when he is on his back. It does not
bother me most nights, but a lot of times
I can't sleep because of this. I hate to
nudge him so that he will sleep on his
side, but I have to a lot of times. Once
I fall asleep, it doesn't bother me. We
bought a fan, and it drowns out most of
the noise that once kept me awake.
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anniek
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Posted: 05-15-08 19:02pm
Don't feel bad. My husband and I have been
married for 8 years and we don't sleep in
the same bed most of the time. He says I
move around too much. I can't fall asleep
with out the tv on and he can't fall
asleep with it on. So on so forth.
Sometimes we do but not very often. He
pointed out the more we didn't sleep in
the same bed the better sex life we had! I
don't know why but it works for us. So
just talk to him about why it bothers him.
If its because of his friends then get
over it his friends can't tell him what is
right. If he really is bothered by it you
guys both need to talk about what needs to
happen to make it work then. Good luck!!
Maybe a king size bed, and as I stated
earlier, ear plugs! haha But, if you
sleep better in your own space, and he
knows you truly love him, it will all work
out.
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krystineM
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Posted: 05-16-08 09:52am
my fiancee does this too, not snoring so
much, but he twitches in his sleep.
it doesnt bother me so much, but sometimes
if im really tired i goto bed before he
does, and he plays some video games on the
computer.
lol when he does snore, i just nudge him a
little and he stops right away.
Maybe you could get those nazle strips
which are supposed to help with
snoring/allergies/colds, i hear their
good, i've never used them. Do you know
what im talking about?
Maybe you guys could try working out your
schedules if thats possible at all, that
way you could spend a little more time
together.
So he doesnt kick you, put a pillow
between you so he hits the pillow and not
you, or a new bed like someone had said
too.
When my fiancee and i go out sometimes we
would get a hotel and they have the BIG
BIG beds lol, we'd both sleep really well
at night.
And like others have also said, talk to
him about it, about why you sleep in one
room, that you love him, and possible ways
to work the situation out.
Hope that helped a little
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PenguinsRus
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Posted: 05-16-08 13:22pm
Hi scorpio, have you talked to him yet?
Have the two of you been able to work
anything out? Keep us updated; good luck!
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lil_scorpio
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Posted: 06-26-08 16:46pm
Hi everybody. Thanks for all of the great
advice! I have talked to him about the
situation, and not much has changed. He's
not complaining as much as he was. I
explained to him that I am more
comfortable sleeping in my own bed, in my
own room and I can't change that. I also
said that if he gets lonely or wants me
around that I will lay by him until he
falls asleep and then I'll do my own
thing. I can't force myself to go to sleep
when he does, as I mentioned we are on
different scheduels, but I can stay by him
for awhile until he falls asleep. Thanks
again everybody!
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worrywart01
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Posted: 06-26-08 17:53pm
i cant imagine moving in with my
boyfriend, he'll usually stay over at my
house most nights but I do the same thing
you do..we'll cuddle before bed and then
usually i'll wake up and just go to my own
bed..it doesn't bother him and certainly
not me,i just sleep so much better, the
times we have shared my small full bed I
didn't get ANY sleep from his moving and
snoring! If I go to his place his bed is
bigger and if I can get to sleep before he
does and starts snoring usually I'm
fine...so i understand how you feel! I
dont know what we'd do if we moved in
together!
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Traumerei
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jun 2008 Posts: 5 Location: Bayville, New Jersey United States of America
Posted: 06-26-08 19:12pm
This sounds exactly like what happened
between my mom and dad. My father went in
to see a doctor on his sleeping patterns,
and he was diagnosed with sleep apnea.
Afterwords my mother moved back into the
room and he quit complaining about it. I'm
not sure if people with these sleeping
issues realize how disrupting they can be.
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Roberta777
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Traumerei Thanks! Posted: 06-26-08 19:31pm
Snoring is caused in some cases because
the person stops breathing for a moment
and they wake up and breath again. It is
indeed called sleep apnea. You can go in
and be tested.
My late husband was tested and went to
sleep and woke up 60 times in one hour.
We didn't sleep in the same room for many
years. Talk about miserable to have
somebody twitching or snoring.
We share our lives with each other. There
is no reason to lay in a bed tortured to
death with snoring when they can have
their peace and you can have yours.
Until a person has gone through this, they
have absolutely no clue what you are
talking about.
Sometimes, being overweight is also a big
factor in sleep apnea. It is best to be
tested and they can put you on a breathing
machine which forces oxygen into your
lungs to keep your breathing. My husband
was so sweet and good about it. He never
complained. It prolonged his life.
Good luck to you and remember that a lot
of people have their own rooms and own
spaces. I have had mine most of my life.
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