for the longest time ive been told that in order for someone to love you you have to learn to love yourself first. But i think that has nothing to do with the fact that ive never been in a relationship before. I got my first kiss at a mental hospital and i kissed the guy on the cheek. Worst kiss ever. The thing is ive never felt beautiful except sometimes i look at myself and think i look kind of pretty. But not often. I fall to easily for people in general. And i feel bad cause all my family members have or have had significant others. But the one almost time that i had to have a significant other i blew it. To explain other i had a gy friend i met in third grade and then i left in 5th grade and when i was in 9th i met up with him again. We were hanging out and some friends of mine came up and asked us where we boyfriend and girlfriend and i said no while he said yes. I felt so completely bad and i think thats why after that we fell apart.Finally i want on eharmony completed page after page of questions only to be told there were no available matches for me. How lame is that. Sometimes i think its not even worth looking for my significant other at the same time i am lonely and seek someone to comfort me
Look, the people who run eHarmony are dirtbags. They don't want anyone who has 'negative thoughts', low self-esteem, a difficult childhood, feels depressed, has been seperated or divorced in their entire lives, has a bad relationship with one or both parents, has any mental illness whatsoever, gays and lesbians and bisexuals and transgendered, atheists, women who are 'too independent' (?) etc. That's why there are entire websites full of people who were rejected and hate them. So screw them, first off.
I forgot what I was originally going to tell you because I went on too long about the goddamn eHarmony thing but anyway... I know people say that you should find a partner because you love being with them and not to fill a void in yourself but sometimes you just have to do what what you have to do to get over the crippling loneliness. Just make sure they don't take advantage of that situation or that the relationship becomes codependant.