single hopefully not forever

for the longest time ive been told that in order for someone to love you you have to learn to love yourself first. But i think that has nothing to do with the fact that ive never been in a relationship before. I got my first kiss at a mental hospital and i kissed the guy on the cheek. Worst kiss ever. The thing is ive never felt beautiful except sometimes i look at myself and think i look kind of pretty. But not often. I fall to easily for people in general. And i feel bad cause all my family members have or have had significant others. But the one almost time that i had to have a significant other i blew it. To explain other i had a gy friend i met in third grade and then i left in 5th grade and when i was in 9th i met up with him again. We were hanging out and some friends of mine came up and asked us where we boyfriend and girlfriend and i said no while he said yes. I felt so completely bad and i think thats why after that we fell apart.Finally i want on eharmony completed page after page of questions only to be told there were no available matches for me. How lame is that. Sometimes i think its not even worth looking for my significant other at the same time i am lonely and seek someone to comfort me