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Should I try again with my Bipolar ex-girlfriend?

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Hi all. I'm new here. I just found this site while searching for people who might just have the same experience that I did. Sorry, my story is rather long, but I hope you guys read it anyway.

Two months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of only 5 months. When we first got together, she had been diagnosed with unipolar depression. Now, I've learned that what she actually has is Type 1 Bipolar Disorder. In all honesty, I feel really guilty for leaving her because that brief time we were together was probably the deepest relationship I've ever had.

Anyway, let me just provide a little background. We met at work summer last year. It's your typical boy meets girl story in the sense that I liked her and found out that she liked me. For the first month or so, we really seemed to have hit it off. There were a few times when I felt like I HAD to do things that she asked but otherwise, it was a-okay. Then, things started to spiral down.

About a year and a half ago, her mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She died last year. This left only her brother and her since her father passed away around 15 years ago. At the time, our relationship was only in its second month. For the first time in my life, I had to stop someone from killing herself. I spent that whole night in their house. In the weeks following her mother's death, I was at the funeral home everyday of the wake and I also attended that cremation that followed after. The next month was particularly trying as she was having difficulty facing the reality of her mother's passing. At that time, I spent almost every night at her side.

In the succeeding months, it was one little tragedy after another for her. First, she was forced to take a leave of absence from work after she mentioned that she overdosed to the company physician. Then, her gambler of an aunt left them without warning. Finally, she was forced to give up the niece that she was supposed to be taking care of because of her need to focus on herself.

I just feel like too many bad things happened too fast. It was that and the fact that I'm the type of guy who lets himself get pushed around too much and can be rather indecisive about things. In a sense, I wasn't able to "control" her (if that's even the right word). I just couldn't get a handle on what I was supposed to be doing and who I was supposed to be. The problem is compounded by the fact that she only has 1 friend who is actually semi-knowledgeable about the disorder. Everyone else, her friends, her relatives and even her brother, is either unaware, unbelieving or in denial. It got to the point where I just couldn't take the stress anymore, so I decided to break up with her.

Here's the thing. I still have really strong feelings for her. I miss her so much. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt like she loved me unconditionally and to a certain extent, that was true. I mean we had our fights (and to be honest, once, I actually struck her which I still feel terrible about), but otherwise, it was very intimate and passionate relationship.

We still talk and she wants us to try again. I too want to try again but I'm worried about so many things, but there are just 4 salient things to me right now. First, I'm wondering if I can be more firm in my decisions and in that way, be a better influence on her. I'm also asking myself whether this is my guilt talking or my actual feelings of care and concern for her. Next, there're my family and friends, and her family and friends. They don't really approve of us together (not surprising considering I broke her heart and abandoned her when she needed me most...). Finally, there's also my dreams of becoming a musician.

I don't know. It all seems so messed up in my head right now. On the one hand, I feel like a total jerk who just desperately wants someone to love him the way she did. On the other, I think that I genuinely want to help her get better by involving myself in a long term relationship with her, which shouldn't be so bad since she regularly sees her psychiatrist and is on medication. There is the problem of her lying to her doctor though (I was with her during those sessions when she did) although I think I can deal with that.

What say you guys? Should we try again or should I go and screw myself given all that I put her through?
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replied March 22nd, 2011
Hi,

I am engaged to a man with bipolar. He has only just been diagosed, and I have beeen 'studying up' on the illness, and how best to deal with, and support, a bipolar partner.
Unfortunately, I think that if you are concerned that the relationship may still be turbulant if you get back together, then maybe it is best for both of you, particularly her, if you don't. Stress, including conflict in relationships, can be a trigger for the symptoms of bipolar.
Maybe you could be a friend, and gradually start to be in each other's lives again?
It really sounds like she has been quite unstable lately.
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replied April 3rd, 2011
Experienced User
Simple answer is NO.
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replied June 1st, 2011
bipolar ex fiance
I met my exboyfriend 4 months ago and left him 1 month ago. After only 3 dates he proposed to me and I reluctantly accepted. He told me he was bipolar on the first date and with my education background I believed I could handle the situation. This man is 27 and has been living with his mother for 1.5 years. When he first told me he lived with his mother I was not impressed but told him anyhow it was ok. After a month and lots of drama I was surely doubting our relationship. Over the course of 2 more months I tried to end it 3 times, each time running back to him after him begging. The night before the 4th time I ended it he became enraged I wouldnt go to the club with him. I left quickly but not without him becoming enraged and smashing the mirror on my car and calling me and my son nasty names. The following day I did not get an apology from him but instead a text that said he was leaving for rehab in 2 days. I replied and said I wish you the best and good luck. The day before he left for rehab I went to his house and returned the engagement ring, said thank you and walked away. I havent heard from him since and its been 4 weeks. I heard through the grapevine he did infact leave for rehab, but something tells me he didnt leave and is hiding out in his mothers house. I would like him to call me and tell me hes ok but I think I should just let it linger.
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replied June 1st, 2011
Experienced User
Cheri_psych111.....let it go and do not show interest in this person as it will only prolong the drama and hurtful actions/words this person is capable of producing. I was in a relationship with a person who has Bipolar/Borderline/etc....etc...for approximately 2.5 years and was nearly taken to my knees mentally. You have very little invested so my advise is to run the opposite direction.
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replied June 5th, 2011
What should I do if I think someone is Bipolar?
My girlfriend of appox 8 months left me out of the blue just alittle under 3 weeks ago. I came home and found that she had taken everything of hers that was in my place and left only leaving a note. The note did not have a lot to say of why she left me. She went from telling me she loved me and kissed me the night before to leaving me the next day without notice. Things were going really good between us and i did not see this coming. I am looking back on things trying to figure out if there was anything I did to bring this on but am coming up blank. One of my friends mentioned sounds like bipolar. I started to do some research on bipolar symptoms and treatments the more and more I read the more I think that she is bipolar and needs help. I don�t want to offend her but I do think she needs help. I don�t know what to do. She is close to her mom and probably has told her much of what has happened so my question is should I try talking to her mom to see what she thinks. I got along great with her mom and step dad. I love her still as much as I did and the hurt I am in is insane and is driving me nuts. She has had a life full of problems and many people have told me she has always been that way in relationships and work. She as been engaged multiple times and married once which ended last summer. I have never cared for someone so much in my life before. She had told me she felt the same and that she had never been with someone who as treated her as good as I have. She was always telling me how much she loved me and how happy she was about being with me to leaving like she did it just does not make cense to me. I really think she needs help.
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