Here's a cold dose of reality:
Imagine your son as an adult doing these same things to his wife. Afterall, you and your hubby are teaching him that husbands beat their wives. Even worse, if your eight year old is a girl, imagine her being beaten by the man she loves. Imagine your grandkids being raised in that kind of environment and being helpless to do anything.

Imagine yourself in a coffin and your children motherless. It's not a far stretch. Has your darling husband ever choked you? Have you ever argued or fought near a flight of stairs? Do you know how easy it would be for you to get hit, lose your balance and fall and break your neck? Now imagine this gem of a man raising your kids without you there to protect them or rein him in...

Thank God I have never been in this situation before so I can't say I know what you're going through. I do know that it's no longer just about you and your 'love' for this man. (What exactly is it that you love about him anyway? If you take away his boyish, loving affection when he says he's sorry, what is there to love?) You have two children that deserve better from their parents. Obviously, He isn't going to do anything so it's up to you.

Here's reality: No amount of counseling will fix him. Once physical abuse starts it will not end. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. Number of excuses as to the reason behind those actions will be never-ending...he will always find a reason to justify his actions.

Been there done that (verbal & physical abuse) and you need to find courage to leave him. This time don't tell him you are leaving. You've done it before and he said something that brought you right back.

Attend a support group for abused women or check with your local women's shelter...either place will be able to tell you what you need to get (paperwork wise, etc) before you finally leave him. If you have not sought medical help, do so now, this will be your documentation of his actions.

Have you told anyone what he has done? If not, you need to share this with a close, personal friend.

Is he still active duty? If so, is there an agency on base that can protect you from him? Or at least pursue him for spousal abuse? I understand their jobs can be very stressful however there are ways to destress...the right way.

Your post reminded me of my now ex's temper...when he was good he was wonderful but one wrong word or he was having a bad day...forget it...it started out as verbal then physical however he always denied it...tell that to the hospital...

The day that I and my two small children left (ages 1 & 2)...was the most peaceful day of my life in a long time. Even though I went to a shelter for 3 weeks and then to another hidden location for another 3 weeks...during that time I was able to save enough money to get our own place. I continued to stay in my support group and made great friends.

Summary: At one point I kept hoping that he would change and that maybe his behavior was my fault. It was all his fault as he is the one responsible for his actions. It has been close to 20 years since I left his sorry behind and he is still the same ole SOB now than he was back then. His children have seen his true colors first hand however it is alwasys somebody elses fault the reason for his behavior.

I kept a journal of what happened and wrote down my feelings...this was to protect me, that if I ever felt the need to go back to him all I needed to do was re-read my words and it made me stronger to stay away. I read my very first journal about a month ago and my oldest asked to read it (she is 21)...her response 'wow, mom...he hasn't changed one bit'... sad, sad, sad...

~Zig

Thank you both for your reply. It has really opened my eyes to the situation....I am going to find a support group and starting plotting my next move without threatening him with me leaving again....thanks again...

Hi,
im not sure if i have the right to advice but from what i gather from movies and books in similar situations, it is better you dont tell him your leaving him and its better you do it quietly because he may try hurt you again really badly.
It is better you plan something and move out quietly and then send him a post or something.This is only to protect you from further violence.

Hope this helps you in some way.

i know a few people who went to conseling and it didnt work. reason being the guy felt forced, or feel like they had no choice so they stopped going.
if you already set up counseling,i would see what happens. but from other people's experience, usually the guy return to the monster a few weeks, months later. you have the grounds to seperate or divorce him for cheating.

you have to be careful of STD's, some guys look at a pretty girl and think they don't have anything.

cheating is one thing, put pushing you down multiple times is another. this guy clearly doesnt appreciate, or even respect you. and it's horrible to know your child is a witness to this. if i was you i would make plans to leave.

i was with my ex for almost 5 years when he said he's going to treat me bad until i leave, he wants me to sleep in my son's room so he could bring women in the house.

i applied for an apartment in florida, i was approved. i made the mistake in telling him i was leaving, he cried, it was too late i was consumed with hurt. when he went to work one day i packed my son and i bags, took a cab to the airport, and left the states.

he thought he was such a good guy, now he has to explain how his g/f secretly left him. he was verbally and was getting to be physically abusive.