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Should I have a threesome?

Hi I'm new here. I've been searching the internet for "help" in deciding if I should move forward with my threesome plans.

First I'll say that I'm married to a wonderful husband of almost 9 years. He and I are very open with each other. I keep nothing from him. When we got together I was very young....about 18. He and I have always talked about possibly opening things up so I could have some sexual experience, if the time and circumstances were right. He is a bit older than I am and he has had some experiences before me. He was my first sexual partner.

I was approached by a friend of mine and her boyfriend about having a threesome. They approached me about 6 weeks ago. In the past 6 weeks we've just talked and planned things out. When I was asked, I told my husband, and he has told me he would be ok with it--- as long as we follow his rules and respect his boundaries. He thought about it for a few days and at one point we sat down and talked to my friend/her boyfriend and discussed everything my husband wanted to. What was allowed, what wasn't, safety, respect, etc....

We tentatively chose July 31st for a night to get together. My husband has known about all of the details including the sexting and whatnot. I've even visited my friends for a kiss and whatnot. My husband knows about that, too. I'm not going to hide anything from him. This is mostly about me just having an experience and learning and growing from it.

Some of my husband's rules are that I cannot kiss on the mouth with the guy involved nor can I perform oral sex on him. Everything is "fair game" with my female friend. Also he is required to wear condoms and be safe. My husband also said anal sex would not be allowed nor would anything else that would cause me 'discomfort' such as hitting, slapping, choking, biting, etc. I'm also not allowed to spend the night with them and I cannot have sex with the male without my female friend present. There are other rules such as no video recording or photography, no extra "visitors" or "participants", and a few other minor details. I fully plan to respect every boundary set by my husband.

My husband and I have fantasized about this. He helped me take sexy pictures to share, (not x rated). He has been excited for me to do this, yet he has had his concerns too.

I love my husband. He loves me. We have a great sex life. I love our sex life. I would be lying if I didn't say I'm curious to be with other people since I have never been with anyone before my husband. But do I NEED it? No.

With all that being said, should I move forward? I get very excited but nervous, too. The other couple is very excited but my friend and I have agreed that our friendship and my marriage is more important than any sexual games between us. If anything got weird or if anyone got uncomfortable, we'd call it off.

I feel like it has been well thought out. Can anyone offer advice or thoughts about this?

My first priority is my marriage. My husband is excited for me but naturally he is nervous about it. I feel the same way, naturally. We're open, honest, and we wouldn't deceive one another.

Thoughts?

Thanks so much.
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replied July 26th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi SBJ01 and welcome to ehealth: Thoughts: Just one...If your marriage was that important than you never would have considered this from the start...Take care...

Caroline
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replied July 26th, 2010
I have considered this. Carefully. And my marriage is VERY important to me. So I guess I don't quite agree with that statement. But thanks.

Anyone else?
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replied July 27th, 2010
Community Volunteer
We are all different...When I married I was 21...Went with him for two years...He was in the service...Saw him in total for 47 days in two years before we married...Yet this man I married shook me to the depth of passion...Still does...You say you were 18 when you met him...Were you ever sexually touched by another man before him?...How much older is your husband than you?....Let's face it you have an itch that needs scratching...A search for sexual satisfaction that you have not yet experienced...Once you find it you will know it...Hopefully this will not happen with your new affair...Oh, and may I add that I, too, had never had sexual intercourse before I married...However, it would be a cold day in hell before I let another woman have what I get and he feels the same about me...And he should...I am as good as it gets...We are who we are because we are sexual perfection..Never needed lessons, just became lovers....I am not trying to change your mind....I'm explaining mine...I am a sexually fulfilled woman, you are not...I wish you well....Take care...

Caroline
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replied July 27th, 2010
I appreciate this. Thank you.

I had only made out with other guys before being with my husband. My husband is 10 years older than I am.

I hate to say that I'm not sexually satisfied. I prefer to say I'm sexually curious. Wink But if my husband or any of us involved pulled the plug, I would be ok without it.

I love your story though. How sweet is that!

I haven't been able to experience much and maybe that's wrong of me to feel like doing so?? I don't know.

I grew up with quite religious morals and standards about sex....plus sex just scared me. LOL But now that I'm grown up, I find myself to feel a little more free about things. I think sex is pleasureable and I'm curious to see what it's like with someone else. Ummm... as for my religious values, I don't claim a religion anymore. I used to be Baptist. Now I'm just non-denominational Christian. I've not really been involved though for quite a few years. I find myself to be a little more liberal in my beliefs than I used to be and maybe it's because I grew up a little and experienced something besides my very small town that I grew up. (Moved to Los Angeles after graduation.) I don't know what it is about me...... that makes me interested in this. But it's no disrespect to my husband. He's my first priority and I respect him first and foremost- if that makes sense.

Thanks for sharing. I like it. Smile

I don't want to ruin anything between me and my husband. Most info that I can find online is where the husband or boyfriend wants the threesome for himself....or a married couple invites someone to their bed. My situation-to-be is unusal I think.
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replied July 27th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Sweet...Hardly...But happy..(12 years parochial school)...Actually, I consider "sweet" a kick in the teeth....I have a website..Many read it..I do not advertise it anywhere, yet people have found it...Many people...A couple years ago a woman wrote me through my website...This was not the first request I had about this subject...I am taking this post that I am adding from my site...Written maybe two years ago...And I am now done with this thread...

***A Threesome*** My Answer To A Question Asked By A Married Woman At A Forum***

The other day on the forum a woman asked a question...She and her husband had discussed a possible threesome... My answer to her was this....And may I add I had Thank You notes because of it....I think it was a pretty good answer.......
------------------------------------------ --------------------------------------

In my opinion if something big is missing in a marriage a couple may turn to this dangerous amusement...I think it is called "boredom"...Sexual fascinations should have ended prior to marriage or partnering....But it didn't....So here, I believe you are walking on hallowed ground...Just make sure that something said in the throes of passion, does not exceed it bounds....Be sure that each of you know where the "brake" button is...This way, years from now, you will also be able to say....No regrets...

My personal opinion is that I see no good that could come from this...Not as much the man, but the woman....A woman's sexual awakenings are much deeper than a man's....What if she finds a new and erotic stirring being sexual with another woman?....Will she ever be satisfied again just being with a man?....Or perhaps a "bigger" man?....Pandora's Box will have been opened.......These are just a few of the things that I would ponder in thinking of this happening....Then the other woman....Will she be more sexual than you are?....What if her sexual know how can stir him more than you do?...You know we are all different in our approach to sex and lust.....A woman's eyes can tell the story to a man without speaking and this certainly would be a fear in the back of my mind.....In essence....Am I good enough to hold him or will she do to him something that I could not do?
Myself, I would never let another woman at my man....He is too good a lover....Actually great.....Saying this, if I want a good fix I will go to the "Land of Fantasy"....Here in my safe house there is no harm done and it makes for one heck of an orgasm.....Fantasy is wonderful as long as you remember that IT IS FANTASY....Trying to act it out is where you can get in trouble...

Take care, Caroline

And believe me....I still feel the same....XOX...C
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Users who thank CarolineEF for this post: MarthaAndMary 

replied July 27th, 2010
I didn't mean to offend.
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replied July 27th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Honey, you didn't...I am not that thin skinned...If I was I shouldn't be on here...My problem is the "age thing"..Somewhere along the line I lost it...and am having the time of my life...Take care...

Caroline
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replied July 27th, 2010
Especially eHealthy
SJB01, You asked fr thoughts so here goes. This is not a chance I will take with my marriage. This is my personal opinion based on my own circumstances. What you do will not affect me or my relationships so more power to you. You and your husband have the full right to allow other sexual partners into you marriage and its got nothing to do with anybody else.

If you do not do it, the most that can happen is that you might regret or wonder about it. If you do it, the most that can happen is that your marriage will fall apart.

Just a few questions that came to mind:
* What happens if they want to do this again?
* How will it change your relationship with your friend and her husband?
* How will your husband handle meeting the guy after this?
* What will you tell your husband about it? The guy was good? Bad? You had an orgasm? You enjoyed it? You dd not like it?
* What happens if something goes wrong and you get pregnant?
* Are they clean from STDs?
* Are you going to allow the guy to ejaculate on you?
* What are you going to do if you get home and your husband want sex with you?
* What happens if your husband wants to do the same?
* What happens if he wants to bring your friend back for a night with you and him?
* What happens if word of this comes out and your friends/family find out?

If it was me, I would not take the chance. Nobody can however make that decision for you. As long as you are prepared for adverse reactions afterward. One thing is for sure, things between you and your husband and you and your friend will never be the same again after this.

Take care and remember to be safe!
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replied August 9th, 2010
Hi, I just wrote my first posting and run into this one. If you read mine, it goes something like "trying to park my girlfriend's past away" you will see that I love sex yet I think about certain things too much. I would have to say that what it would scare me the most in your situation is, "What happens if you like it and you don't find the same satisfaction with your husband?" I guess, my point of view is that what starts like a new "experience" can easily break up your marriage, so if you are to proceed I would prepare myself for the worst just in case.
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replied December 20th, 2010
Experienced User
Please do not do it. You have been warned.
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replied December 20th, 2010
Experienced User
No, do not do it!!!!
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replied January 7th, 2011
i agree with bo21..TO complicated..
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replied January 10th, 2011
So, did you do it?
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replied February 2nd, 2011
Hi
I would like to know did you do it?
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