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Should I Get an Abortion ?

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I'm 20 years old and found out a few weeks ago i'm pregnant (currently 9 weeks) to my ex boyfriend (we we're together for 5 years). We split up a year ago but on a drunken night out one thing led to another and now i'm in the biggest predicament of my life!

For a week after i found out i toyed with my options, spoke to my friends though not my ex as i wanted it to be my decision, after going backwards and forwards a million times i was sure that an abortion was the right thing to do as i'm so young, no boyfriend, no job and no savings, when i told my friends this is what i was going to do they all said thank god, its the right thing to do and they were happy i wasnt throwing my life away.

I didnt want to speak to my ex if i was going to have an abortion but a so called friend of mine decided it was his place to tell my ex after we had a silly argument. I spoke to my ex and told him i was going to have an abortion and he made it quite clear he was over the moon that this was my decision.

I'm booked in at the hospital for my first appointment towards getting the abortion in a few days but over the last week i have been having severe doubts whether this is what i want to do, i'm starting to think if i do get an abortion i will never forgive myself and that it will plague me for the rest of my life. I feel whatever i decide my life will be ruined. Also my ex is a big factor, he is immature and whilst we were together he was very abusive and controlling and i don't want to have to deal with him for the rest of my life, that is if he sticks around, also (and i know it may sound stupid after i've just said my boyfriend was a horrible person) i dont want to ruin his life either, knowing he doesnt want this baby and then to go ahead anyway and have it feels totally wrong and unfair.

I'm not close to my parents emotionally (at all) and i'm currently having a particularily difficult time with them so i havent spoken to them about this. I know if i did decide to have this child i would have to move out as there just isnt enough room for a baby.

I recently left my job to help out with my family business as they are having a hard time financially and really needed the free help. I have a part time job at a pub but that only pays £40-£50 a week.

To sum up - i'm young, single, alone, broke, completely unsure what to do and with not alot of deciding time left.
All the circumstances point to an abortion being the right thing to do but i just dont know if i can do it with out regretting it forever, its a complete matter of head vs heart and i would really appreciate an outsiders view on this situation.

thanks
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replied September 24th, 2009
I'm in a somewhat similar situation as you are. But my boyfriend and I are still together. I found out about 2 weeks ago that I am pregnant. I have been pregnant with his baby before but I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. I was stupid for not getting on birth control then. But now I dont have a job or insurance. My boyfriend has a great job and he pays all the bills. Well he wants me to get an abortion because we aren't married, we have only been together for a year and a half, and we were getting ready to buy a house. Now he thinks we are going to have to put off buying a house and he's not going to be able to work as much. He is 34 and I am 21. I dont want to get an abortion but he makes me feel bad. I know if I were to go thru with it, I would probably regret it forever. My whole family doesn't believe in abortion. So I dont really have anybody to talk to about it. I know my boyfriend will be there for me either way but I want to make him happy, but I dont want to kill our unborn baby to do so. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
If u need someone to talk to feel free to write me.
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replied September 24th, 2009
Especially eHealthy
You can also consider adoption. That way you save the life and are not affecting your life negatively. You will still suffer from the same contradictions you mention but it is a much cleaner and guilt-free option and it will make a childless couple very happy.

Best of luck with your decision. Ultimately it is your decision and you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.
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replied September 24th, 2009
I think you should highly consider adoption. I am not saying that abortion is the wrong choice, it just sounds like you already have guilt just thinking about it. Also, if you do adoption, sometimes the adoptive parents will help or pay all of the medical bills. It's also great to give someone the chance at a child that cannot have one of their own. Good luck, I'm sure you will make the right choice.
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replied October 21st, 2009
Oh my gosh! I am 20 & 2 months pregnant and in THE SAME position as you with regards to the guy. I have been with my ex since I was 17 & even lived with him for 2 years.. we broke up but were still seeing ecah other. People are rude and give nasty comments as they have no idea about the bond & friendship we have/had... I'm sure you feel the same on this.

I am in the same boat with him wanting me to have an abortion and telling me and making me feel exactually the same.

Honey I wish I could be there for you more than just this forum as I know how scary and alone it feels. I'm also driving myself crazy with what to do. But unlike you I am in the middle of my education I have recently been made unemployed due to the financial climate & cutbacks... & am desperatly trying for a job. So feel totally helpless.

One day I feel its not fair for my child to be born into such an unstable enviroment.. with no money, I have no family support at all & live with & care for my elderly grandmother, am in the middle of education... All I want is whats best for my baby- I cant even think about me.

Other days I feel so easily manipulated by my ex & some nasty, controlling people. I know I will be a fantastic mother, I love my child more than anything & will fight to make things work, also there is no assurance that I will ever be financially stable but also that I will be poor forever.

I hope that you havnt gone through with the abortion- without looking at things for lots of angles. I feel the same I don't fully trust what my ex says, so listen to your gut, its a warning. I know its hard, but I just try to keep telling myself 'why allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.'

Be honest to yourself could you live with yourself after an abortion? How are you going to feel when you wake up after the abortion?... & a year later? Have you thought about adoption. Have you looked into benefits that you'll be entitled to with a child? I'm in England so not sure where you are and if its different? Write a list or do a mind map... of what you want your life to be like in 5 years time.... all you want to achieve and do so pretending your not pregnant... then do another with all the same things you want but imagine a 4-5year old in your life, could you work around that to achieve all you want in life? Which one are YOU more happy in?

Remember life is NOT filled with ANY Certainties or guarantees all we can do is do what feel right emotionally and logically, and always strive & fight to do what is best.

I hope this is of some help no matter how small. Sorry it is rather an essay.

Sending my thoughts and hug to you wherever you are. If you wish to talk more and in private please let me know.
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replied November 3rd, 2009
Adoption
Please, if anyone is considering abortion... please consider adoption. I adopted my daughter and I could help you find the perfect family for your baby.
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replied November 4th, 2009
hi ya,
please dont have a abortion please choose adoption there is some many people and couples wanting a baby and they cant please help someone like me get what they want a baby.
please email me for any help
alison
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replied November 5th, 2009
Adoption can be hard. I know that if I carried full term there would be no way I could ever give up my child. I'd keep no matter what, if I'd got that far. But if there is open adoption in your country consider it.

BUT I was 'forced' into having the abortion after being violently pushed around and scared silly. I am so weak. It is the biggest mistake of my life. On top of that they messed it up left the baby in me... I collapsed 9 days after hemoraged was apparently brought back with resuscitation, woke up after 24hrs in intensive care unit, 1 blood transfusion, suffered an infection, grief... finally off iv drip now on injections and 9 pills 4 times a day. Still in hospital had to have three operations and the scarring is so bad its going to be very hard to get pregnant ever again! Despite the statistics the abortion people give you, doctors have told me they see young girls every single week 'butchered' by abortionists. So be aware if this please!

Let me just say to anyone reading this. NO MATTER HOW BAD ITS SEEMS being pregnant and young, alone, poor with no support, no family help is damn scary. BUT ITS FAR WORSE GIVING IN. I should have taken more beatings, got a restraining order, moved away, I should have done more. All I can think about now is my baby. I can't sleep, don't want to do anything, almost killed myself then realised why commmit another 'sin' even though I'm not very religious I know what I did was wrong. My angel, I'll never get to hold in my arms, see the smile, hear their laugh, watch them take their first steps, be a mother.

When you are pregnant and loose a child by miscarriage or choice, there becomes an empty cave inside you, you loose a sense of worth, the grief is immense and guilt, and there is a part of you that can never be filled or will never be the same again. Everywhere I look women are pregnant, things smell of 'baby' or child adverts are everywhere. Half of me died with my child and I'll never ever get that back. Please I don't want anyone to ever, ever, ever feel this way!

On top of all that, the father. My best friend in the world, who had been with almost 4years. The guy I had lived with for two years, whom we had a bond no one would ever understand unless being in a similar position as we had split up but remained close.... He NEVER came to the hospital when I needed blood & had to be brought back to life. He was informed and even called as he has a blood type I can have. He beat me, bullied me and pushd me into having the abortion. Even held me down in the waiting room chair when I was kicking out trying to run out as I didn't want to go through (yes I should have fought harder)... Well I awoke in hospital with a text saying 'I wont pretent i wana see u fine but the way i feel thats jus it i hope u get better but i dont want u in my life or anything to do with u. U did what was needed so now i can get on with my life, i dnt want anything more. sorry its like this.' I never did it for 'him' I did it as I have no family or support I live with my elderly gran who is very ill who I care for and became very stressed upset and dissppointed when I became pregnant wanted me to move out loose all contact if I kept, the father wanted rid, his family harrassed me turned up called, texts, followed bullied me, he was violent. I have no money recently made redundent had applied to so many jobs but failed due to recessions. Fathers dad is a top maisonary and I was warned that I had to get rid or I would 'have no life'. When I went to the police things got worse for cars outside house all time, stalkers. Yet I still regret what I did I should have run away. Even died for my child at least that way I tried... Please listen to your gut ands inner voice girls and no matter what DO WHAT RIGHT FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU. If you have any doubts at all, any!! I toyed with my mind sooo much... but take note the doubts are there for a reason honey!

I hope that whatever happens you are healthy and happiness comes xxxx
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replied November 24th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Adoption is not always the right choice for every woman. Neither is abortion, but both are choices for you to consider. If you are having doubts or are feeling like abortion is not the right choice for you to make, do not go through with it. Do not go through with adoption either, if there are doubts. Only you can make this choice and no one should tell you what choice you should be making. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.
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replied March 31st, 2010
Considering adoption is a good idea. But do not abort because at 9 weeks, the baby has everything he or she needs to survive. i can tell you that the baby can suck his or her tuhmb now. Sould you take that away from themm, that is your decision my cousin just went through this and she decided on keeping her son and now even though she does not have alot of money she is back at school, her mom is helping her out and i think that your family would help out too. Just keep us all posted on your decision! & god may bless you and your baby through whatever you decide
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replied April 15th, 2010
hard times
I am sorry to hear your situation. I am in the same I am 28 yrs I have a 4 year old daughter and am currently 3 months pregnant. Even though my daughter and unborn child have the same father he wants me not to have this child. He has kicked me out been ugly and mean in the worst way put me down and has the nerve to tell me. that me and my daughter can move back home only if i have an abortion. I have decided to keep it because i have had an abortion in the past and felt horrible about it i could never look at myself the same again. Going through that is very hard no guy will ever understand the pain that a woman carrying a baby would. Trust me its going to be very hard, but when you see that baby and it calls you mamma there is nothing in the world that can take that back. I am very sad about my situation, but no one will ever live in my shoes and have to go through what you do. I have had 2 miscarriages in the past and felt so sad and lost and afraid that i could not carry a baby again for what i had done in my past. I hope you do what is best for you because this is a hard hard choice you have to live with yourself and every single time you see a baby you will always wonder what your baby will look like or turn out to be. Never take anything for granted becasue what if you try to get pregnant and can''t. Things happen for a reason we might not know at the time but later on in life it all comes together. I am glad now that I will be able to give my daughter a blood brother or sister and that i can live with!
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replied November 13th, 2010
hi reding all yourstories some how comforts me knowing i aint alone ive a boy aleady who nearly 3recently slipt from his father after 5years im nearly 25 so i just wanted the single for abit but ive been seen a guy for 8months although his in a relationship he often gave me hope for us which i really wanted.i found 2wks im pregnant currently9wks and how things ave changed all contact calls messages all have as good as stopped because i wont end the pregnancy i taught about although deep down knew although it was very unplanned i couldnt end a life i had a miscarrage before the feelings of loosing ababy my baby tore me apart so knowning going thru that before how could i end a life life so scary now ive never felt alone although friends and family are behind me the sadness of it still there and guilt too i suppose knowing that he dont want this child im listening to every voices and there taughts of tell him to tell his girlfriend or eles but i dont see the point after all this mess i still care for him i think he does for me i hope as ive told him i not asking for a happy farily tale ending i just want and hope our unborn child would ave love and support of both parents is that too much too ask for?hes saying he dont want nothing to do with the baby but stillwants my friendship and stay in contact but is this just to mess withmyhead as he loves i love him or is it he wants me kept bit sweet sohis girlfriend wont find out ive assured him there be no black mail or threats so whats he playing at my head do confused and melted right now i justnot sure wats right from wrong anymore
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replied December 16th, 2011
Dont abort your baby!!
Please dont do it. For young women reading this now, please do not kill your baby. I am a new mom and my child is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. His name is michael and in retrospect I realize that I have loved him forever and he is the something that has always been missing. Dont kill an innocent baby please god dont do it!!!
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replied December 17th, 2011
Megansqueen-do you see how old this post is???/ Lmao... Smile
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