So I'm 22 years old, very busy college student with great friends, a great family and great prospects for my future. All in all, I'm a very happy and fulfilled person in my opinion. Last year I met this guy on a trip I took with my school and he was great. He was always the life of the party, super sweet to me and all of my friends encouraged me to return his advances. They all knew him pretty well and said he was a good guy. On the trip we had some pretty heavy talks about me and my life, him and his life and he was the first guy I've ever really made a connection with.
We returned from the trip after two and a half weeks and I kept in the back of my mind that this relationship or whatever all could have been just a summer romance type deal. I gave him his space for about a week and then we had a talk about where everything with us was going. He had told me on the trip that he was diagnosed as being bipolar and I really didn't know what that meant except that he had emotional issues (my upbringing really didn't involve issues like depression, my parents were very practical and steady people as was the rest of my family). We decided to try dating for a little bit. Everything was going great for about a month until out of the blue he just disappears. He had slept over, we had a great night together really connected and I felt awesome about where we were heading. He kissed me on the forehead when I came home from class and then said "I'll call you later" then I didn't see him for a week or so. He met with me after that and said he couldn't do this but had not other explanation.
This all really upset me but I gave up on trying to get an explanation after a couple of months. I went to Europe over the summer where I had very little phone access and received a couple of texts from this guy out of the blue. Our conversation went the way it usually did at that time, starting out just casual and then me ending up essentially yelling at him for never providing me with an explanation as to why he hurt me. His last text was "well I guess I'll just go and drink until it hurts" which really concerned me with someone with issues like his. I called his phone and yelled at his voicemail telling him he wasn't allowed to tell me things like that that scared me over a text message because it wasn't fair. That if he felt that way he needed to talk to me instead of guilt tripping me.
I gave up on him and started dating another guy very casually once I got back to school. I go to a happy hour get together with some friends where he is acting strange, very moody and he leaves the table as soon as I walk in. After coming back and a couple of conversations later, I say something to him for the first time and he automatically lights up and is talkative again. He then comes to a concert with me and some friends later that night were, once he gets me alone, he confesses that he's tried to call me since I lost my phone and I shouldn't be with this other guy I should be with him because he is the right one for me and he knows we should be together.
we text more that night and I tell him I'm dating someone else and we should be friends. I tell him if he can be a good friend to me then that can help to prove that he can be more than that to me. I obviously still have feelings for this guy since I'm leaving this door open to him. Not knowing where my other relationship is going I discuss my confusion with the guy I'm currently dating. This freaks him out and we ultimately break up over the conversation.
I don't tell the bipolar guy about breaking up with the other guy for a couple of weeks. One night he texts me really frustrated about how he's just supposed to wait and hope that I change my mind. I tell him I have something to confess and meet with him. I confess that I've been broken up with the other guy but I'm not sure what I want to do. He gives me the same speach about how we are supposed to be together and I break. I say I will consider dating him but he has to treat me right this time. He has to answer me when I text and take me to dinner and treat me like I mean something to him. I tell him he can't disappear again and if he is planning on it he should just stop while he's ahead. He says of course he's going to do all this stuff, he only wants to be with me.
We date for about a month again. Everything is great we have a couple of fights but I'm a difficult person sometimes and that's just part of my personality and it works for us. Kind of a Beatrice and Benedict thing. Anyway, one night I have my friends drop me off at his house to stay the night after we have gone out. I was a little drunk and gave him a hard time but nothing too extreme. He acts odd after this conversation, doesn't want to hold me or want me to kiss him. He sleeps on the other side of the bed not even touching me. I get the memo and leave first thing in the morning since I wake up early, I tell him I understand he wants to sleep and he just agrees.
The next day we go for a walk and talk. He says he doesn't know what he wants to do. he says he can't separate the emotions in his head from his feelings for me. He says he wakes up every day feeling like the world is going to end. I ask him the simplest question, if I make his day better when he sees me or if I make it worse (as in frustrating). He can't answer. We talk for three hours and he can't verbalize anything. I ask him why he doesn't want to just break it off and he says that he's afraid that in a month or so he'll realize that he actually does want me but has already lost me since I tell him I can't do this mess a third time. I never get any sort of yes we should work this out or no this is a bad idea. I guess my question for everyone is what you, as people who are involved with and/or are bipolar, think I should do? He is an awesome guy, I really like spending time with him on every level. When we just meet for coffee we talk for hours and hours about great subjects and we really click as a couple. Should I leave him alone and let him figure things out for himself and simply move on with my life or should I push him? I don't want to lose him all together but I hate this in between feeling of no answers. Also, is there a possibility of someone who is a commitment phobe just using bipolarism as a reason to not get close to someone? Does this sound like a normal cycle for a bipolar?
Thanks for any help or suggestions as to how to deal with this situation.
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