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August 30th, 2009
Hi everyone,

I write to this forum in seek of some help. A few days ago, the girlfriend and I patched things up as we were in a rough spot. We decided to start over. Couple days later we hung out had some fun and had a romantic evening. Two days later, this past Saturday, she decided to end it.

The real problem is that I'm confused. The relationship was a few months old. I found her reasoning to leave was almost contradicting to on another.

She felt/said:
-She needed time alone
-Now was not the right time to be with anyone
-Her love for me has faded
-She worries that she will bring me down with her as she has in previous relationships taken her partner down as well
-She is frustrated with everything in her life
-She feels like she is not the same person who she used to be and feels depressed
-She just wants alone and deal with it on her own

Note that when I did meet her, she mentioned she has depression issues in the past. But everything was fine and dandy as she was not been medicated for the past years.

I guess the most confusing part is the night prior to us splitting is that she said she loved me very much. She asked "does feel like 3 months?, it's seems like forever" I agreed. We hugged and kissed all night long. The next day, BAM, it's over.

Am I reading too much into this? Three months and I feel like I have known her forever. It just shreds me up inside. I'm just so confused. I'm lost. Things were great and she took it upon herself to end it. Her last comment to me was "I'm so sorry, I just believe deep down inside I need to be alone right now".

I'm heartbroken. We clicked so well together. Everything about us was similar. I miss her. What do I do? How do I feel? Should I seek the answers I'm looking for as to why this happened? Or do I let it go because there was no real commitment from the start?!

I feel like I'm in a vortex of uncontrollable emotions.

glance
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boredatwork2
replied August 30th, 2009
I think it always hurt and you always think about those people but your not going to help her get through her depression issues if you pressure her to stay together. figure it this way remain friends with her assure her you'll always be there for he. suggest she gets some help. but good luck man i mean love sucks....
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knp1985
replied August 30th, 2009
I do honestly want the best for her. Another thing I really didn't mention is that I fell for her. REALLY fast, we were so compatible. It's just so heart wrenching. No pressure on my part, but I feel so helpless, I feel so torn and confused. BAH
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boredatwork2
replied August 30th, 2009
ask yourself this... when you look 10 years ahead do you see her. do you see you two married with kids. think about it is it love right now or love forever. if you love her so muh then i give her some time be a good friend to her and if its meant to be you two will grow back together.
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LostSnake18
replied August 30th, 2009
I would say 3 months is a short amount of time but sometimes love doesn't need that long. Maybe its better it happened now instead of after 3 years or longer. All you can do is live your life. You never know what the future holds and she may be apart of it.
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knp1985
replied August 30th, 2009
boredatwork2: right away no, did I ever think about it? I can't say it hasn't cross my mind.

LostSnake18: I agree with you there. There is no actual time frame for the heart to work overtime. Better now then later always seems to be the outlook.
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LostSnake18
replied August 30th, 2009
I know of course nothing anyone says makes anything better. Im going through something similar that happened after 3 years. Sometimes it feels a waste but I know thats not really true.
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knp1985
replied August 30th, 2009
So I find out that she just wants to be alone for the time being. She says there's just too much turmoil right now in her life to get involved. It feels like that's not the case though. All I can do right now I guess is love her from a far. Or do I move on? She said she felt held back when she was with me because she dedicated too much of her free time with me. Yet we only saw each other 2-3 times a week. She felt smothered apparently. She misses being around her friends and doing the sparatic things in life. I cant fight her. But I do miss her.
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JavaMissus
replied August 30th, 2009
Community Volunteer
What are your ages??...
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knp1985
replied August 30th, 2009
I'm 25. She's 23.
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JavaMissus
replied August 30th, 2009
Community Volunteer
She just doesn't want to get connected...Maybe past relations or just plain unsure...I would say move on...She is telling you a history of relationships where she has taken people down...Listen to her words...Let it go...

Good luck...It is better to get hurt now than crushed later...

Take care,
Caroline
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wendyrs
replied August 31st, 2009
Supporter
I think you should let her go. It sounds to me like she has more problems with depression than you know. You can let her know that you are there if she needs a friend but don't sit and wait for her to accept you again. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and obviously doesn't love you the way you love her. Depression is a serious illness and it's not going to change over night, but I can tell you that it's difficult to just enjoy life when you suffer from depression and that's why she doesn't want to bring you down with her. Allow time for your heart to mend and find a woman who will love you full-time and not part-time. She's given you all the signs of someone who is just not into you. Let yourself heal and I promise there is someone out there that will love you back.
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knp1985
replied August 31st, 2009
I know, but is it wrong to just feel wanted? I may sound greedy, but I'm so sick of being hurt. I just want to love. Tired and exhausted of this feeling.
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wendyrs
replied August 31st, 2009
Supporter
For many people it is very exhausting to find love but eventually most people do find the right one. You're not going to find love or feel wanted with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Nobody wants to be alone, but you need to date and sort through the women who aren't the right ones to find the one you are looking for. Sometimes we think we've found the right one when we have a connection in the beginning but that's what dating is all about, finding out more about that person to see if it is right to move forward..It sounds like you're a really great guy and you deserve someone who will love you back and not play games with you. Nobody is perfect but set your standards a little higher, show self-confidence and you will find the right one. She may not be the next one, but eventually the right one will come along and it will be wonderful.
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knp1985
replied August 31st, 2009
I know what kinda is to be expected. But it's just tough when you live in a dead end town with a tiny ass population. I actually met this one in the next town over. LOL. I know you people are right about everything. It's gut wrenching though. I don't really expect an answer but damn. I'm more bitter to the fact that it was such a short term relationship and I'm feeling so down. Kind of odd maybe? It's just the fact where we saw each other 2-3 times a week and it seems I can't get it out of my head. /sigh
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LostSnake18
replied August 31st, 2009
The one thing you can do is to get her out of your mind. Thinking about her daily will surely not help anything. I know that its the worst thing in the world that can happen but it will get better with time. What do you do in that town? Is there anyway you can move somewhere else. For some people starting fresh somewhere else helps. Of course thats not for everyone nor is it even possible for everyone. You will get through it man and you will find someone who will love you as much as you love her.
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knp1985
replied August 31st, 2009
I really do appreciate all the help from these forums. I know it seems childish to feel so worked up over this minor relationship. But as mentioned before I fell for her waaaaaay to fast I think. Bah, I just can't stop thinking about her and how things were so well, then literally the next day. OVER. As of right now, I'm an unemployed student living at home. I wish moving elsewhere was an option. LOL.
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W0LF
replied August 31st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey knp1985
Yes it's perfectly ok for you to feel hurt and lost. You've lost something that made you very happy. Pain is just the way you learn not to do things that are bad for you. Work on finding lessons you can take away from this relationship. Maybe take a little more time getting to know the next girl before you allow yourself to get attached
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Felicity89
replied August 31st, 2009
Hey there knp
I was with my bf for 4 years, then all of a sudden as we were thinking of going off to uni together he decided he anted a different lifestyle (cliche uni-party) he says he doesn't want the consequences of his actions to reflect badly on me, he doesn't want any reponsibilities etc. Does this mean he's scared of committment? because that's not what i'm asking of him.
I still don't really understand what he means, all i can do is think the worst. We are still friends, but it is hard. I love him more than anything else in the world, i know how you're feeling. I agree with Lostsnake...i mean it's never going to be easy, epecially if you don't understand really why they leaft you, but it is sooo much harder after four years.
I want him to take me back, but not before he knows what he wants for himself. I don't know if any of this is helping, but if you can still stay friends, maybe it'll all work out in the end (It still doesn't help how you feel right now) I know, this all happened to me a week ago, but i'll admit in hindsight i saw some signs...the fun left our relationship (that was always something we had) now i am hurting inside more than i ever have before.
If anyone has any advice for me also, i would much apprecite it. I love him sooo much and i'm not really to give up on us.
Good luck, you seem like a really nice person.
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LostSnake18
replied August 31st, 2009
Felicity- Thats such a tough situation. As with mine it has been 3 years and all of a sudden its just over. Its so hard to think about moving on without that person. My situation is so similar. It sucks to not know what the other person wants. Whats worse is when they say they are confused and dont know what they want. What I have started to realize over these last couple of weeks is that if that person truly and without a doubt loved me there would be no confusion. If my love is not returned in kind then truthfully that person cannot be the one for me. There has to be someone out there that will love you as much as you love them. Sometimes it takes awhile to find that someone. I think as suddenly as love can end it can begin again with someone else. The worst part is it usually is when you least expect it. We must get to that stage first where happiness is found in our lives. Then true love will come. Of course none of that makes it a damn bit easier at first. It doesnt make it that much easier at all really. The only thing that will help is time and lots of it. Its the best and worst cure there is. Your bf may have realized he doesnt want a commitment right now. I know it sucks and seems so bad after 4 years. Why does it take so long for some people to realize they dont want commitment or that their love for you isnt the same. It seems very unfair sometimes. I would say like everyone else says to just give him time. He may realize what a mistake he has made and come back to you. I wouldnt wait forever though. Its not fair to you to feel like this. You might need to move on and forget about him. You will find happiness again.
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