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She wants me back, but does she?

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June 30th, 2009
So I'm not the most socially adept person and I need some insight into my situation.

My girlfriend and I were together for six months and were madly in love. Then the time of year came around where her father passed away and some other family issues came up and she decided that she didn’t want to be with me anymore, she just wanted to be friends. We became great friends, and there were times that I told her how much I loved her still and she accepted it. We still went out for drinks, talked almost every day, and still said I love you, nothing physical though.

We were broken up for about two months and she went out of town for her father’s memorial service and at our usual Tuesday karaoke nights one of her friends (we’ll call her Jane), started flirting with me. Eventually we hooked up twice. When my ex found out about it she told he how much Jane was a liar and man-eater and that I should be careful around her. I saw nothing more than sex coming out of Jane so I broke it off with her and told my ex how much I wanted to take it back and wished it never happened.

The next day my ex and I were at best buy so I could get her a new laptop (yes I still buy her anything I can) and she mentioned the fact that she had been thinking about getting back together with me. This was after the fact that she knew I had been with Jane.

Two days later I took her home from work and wanted to know if she was still thinking about getting back together and she got quite and didn’t want to talk much. She never gave me an answer, but I know she understands how much I still love and care for her.

Right now I’m sitting on it, trying not to talk to her and give her some time to think (although I did order her some flowers that have yet to arrive) and sort out her feelings on the situation. I want to go and talk to her but sometimes it seems like I end up just saying all the same things I said before. Any ideas what might be going through her head; if she still wants me back, she still wants to be friends, should I wait for her again? We do still have stuff planned for this week so I know I’ll have to see her but I don’t know what I should do.
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kdlee
replied June 30th, 2009
Supporter
Sorry sounds like games going on..I think she wants to be friends and as a frined she was just telling you about this other person..She might have something there a little stronger but is that something you want for life..A little something extra? Maybe that little extra is to all the presents you buy her.. You are buying her things-what happens if you stop and say sorry I can't anymore..Know the song True Colors-just maybe they will shine through..
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Cooker
replied June 30th, 2009
All the stuff I buy her I almost have to beg her. My finances are much better off than hers, but she doesn't want me to buy everything for her. So I had to fight to let me buy her the laptop among other things. And if it was just a friend, why a few days later would she tell me that she was thinking of getting back together with me? And telling me about the other person as a friend, she has become quite hateful towards the other girl about what happened to the point that she no longer wants to see her.
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maybebaby3
replied June 30th, 2009
Experienced User
friends don't usually but laptops 4 each other. she sounds really confused. mayb u should giv her space 2 think things thru and not speak 2 each other so intensely every day. it will b hard but mayb she wil realise how much u do 4 her and care about her. it's v difficult 2b 'just friends' when 1 of u wants more.
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Cooker
replied June 30th, 2009
i know i want more, but can't tell if she does. we had been getting rather flirty with each other over the last two weeks, then she said she was thinking of getting back together...which would lead me to believe she does too. then all of a sudden she seemed really hurt about the other girl when before it didn't seem to bother her, which is where i don't know what to do now.
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kdlee
replied June 30th, 2009
Supporter
What I was saying about not buying her things is if she really cares about you and you back off (if)she wants to be with you then hopefully she will persue you thus true colors..Maybe it's time to see what she wants by letting her look for you, i doubt you would be hard to for her to find but she can have that impression it's time to work for you..
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JavaMissus
replied June 30th, 2009
Community Volunteer
You are buying her things and she is feeling indebted to you...She is confused...You can't buy a woman's love...Lay off on the flowers and everything else...Make her find you....Or else move on....
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starship33
replied July 2nd, 2009
Supporter
i remember when a male friend of mines died and i pulled away from the guy i was talking to. i went into this bitter depression and i couldnt do anything but think about how hurt i was.
maybe she is going through something, her father just passed away.
i dont mean to be rude, but you slept with one of her friends. if any of my ex's done this i wouldnt go back to them. i think that's a no-no. even after separation.
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maybebaby3
replied July 3rd, 2009
Experienced User
i disagree as u were not going out at the time. give her a bit more space and time and she will work out what she wants soon hopefully as it's not fair 2 keep u hanging on. if she doesnt want 2 b with u then u can have closure and move on.
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starship33
replied July 3rd, 2009
Supporter
i understand you point maybebaby3,
if they were separated it's okay for him to sleep with who ever he wants, even his ex girlfriend's friend.
but what i have learned on this website is it is hard for some young people to get over the fact....the thought of their mate sleeping with a friend even if theyre were a separation.
but some people are able to deal with it.
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