Trying this here, since I can't seem to find a specific forum to deal with this kind of situation to get feedback from others who might have walked a similar path...
I just found out my girlfriend is pregnant and I was just about to go in for a vasectomy (as in, just finished 30-day "wait" required by my insurance). I decided for myself against having children because I have been dealing with chronic health issues for the past five years (doctors are now possibly thinking Lymes or MS). It has prevented me from finding study employment because I'm constantly adapting to what my body can no longer do. It's forced me to quit 3 jobs over the past 2 years and left me currently unemployed. So, there's that huge "can't feed em can't breed em" thing that has been hanging over me like a cloud for a while. Thus, the upcoming vasectomy.
However, my girlfriend does want to have children at some point in her life and has already had to terminate a previous pregnancy. So, she's completely pinched on the fence trying to decide what's best. She knows the cons outweigh the pros right now, but I sense probably, deep down inside, she wants to have this baby.
I know what decision is best given our circumstances (termination). I mentioned adoption as a possibility, which apparently was already off the table. I want to do right by her, but I know there's no way I can resolve my own employment/health situation in time to father a child properly. I’m going through extensive medical testing right now, and if it turns out I have a permanent medical situation, well...i don’t want to be a dead beat dad by default of medical issues completely out of my control! On top of that, we’ve only been together for 6 months, and I don’t get the sense we know each other well enough and haven’t been together long enough to know if our relationship has the mettle to survive, let alone raise a child. I get a strong sense no matter what decision we/she decide, it is going to most likely end the relationship. It seems there is no right decision in this situation.
I kind of had an intuition she was pregnant for the past couple weeks and we just got confirmation yesterday, so I’m still recovering from the shock a bit. I know my own personal decision: I can’t be a father. It just isn’t the responsible thing to do given my circumstances. But, I’m also 100% supportive of a woman’s right to choose. I can see how deeply this is affecting her emotionally, but I can’t in clear conscience step into the role of father to this child. I know her personal circumstances are not suited to raising a child at all either. We’re like many young people these days—struggling to make ends meet in a world that is increasingly widening the gap between poverty and even a moderate, simple means of living.
As you can imagine, we’re both MAJOR stress cases right now! I guess I’m not asking “what to do?” but, “if you’ve walked a similar road, what did you experience?” From both sides: keeping the baby/terminating the pregnancy. I want more perspective from others who have experienced this to best inform my own role in this, given whatever scenario unfolds.
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