This might be a little long-winded and drag on, but I need to get it off my chest and I need advice, here, so here goes.
I'm in love. I'm 16, we're the same age, and some may think 'you don't know what love is' but I'm entirely convinced it is. It's not puppy love, I'm absolutely crazy about a girl, she's all I think about and she has the greatest smile. When she smiles, it makes me smile, when she's happy, I'm happy. She's so pretty, and an amazing person, she's perfect. But there is one problem, she is my best friend.
We went to the same school but we were never really close until now. Our relationship just blossomed out of nowhere and we now are close, close friends. Best friends. We talk all the time, non-stop through texting, then we'll skype for hours at a time. We're so close, this is how I'd imagine just the best kind of relationship but it doesn't have the more romantic side of it, I guess. We tell eachother we love eachother and I'm forever pointing out what she thinks to be imperfections are beautiful to me, and when she disagrees I remind her that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and we do it so much that people are convinced we're together.
But we're not. Last night, I was gearing up to come clean and tell her because she should know this, it's important and it's about her, but the conversation trailed off slightly and we were getting all cute, and I told her something that lead her to saying 'you know, anybody would think you're madly in love with me' - which I am, I have to be, I've never felt this way - but then she said that'll be the biggest, hardest way to lose you. Things went on and she said if I told her I love her like that and she didn't feel the same, things would become so awkward and our friendship would effectively drift away. She said it won't happen. The feeling inside me when she said that killed, it felt like something dropped in my mid-section, and it felt like there was a void there, and every time I think about it I feel it again.
And to make things worse, she likes this other guy. He's a tool to her, he's never really friendly and says stupid stuff that makes things really awkward, but she likes him, she's crazy for him. I don't think it's love like I feel for her, but there's something there. So when we talk about him, I let her know how I feel about that situation, how I think he's a let-down and he continues to let her down after basically lying and saying he likes her but he's not ready yet, then forgetting about her - he doesn't text her for days at a time when she tries to text him numerous times every day. He won't give to her what I'd make a goal in life to give to her.
What do I do? How do I get over this? Do I say? Take that risk and ruin our friendship? Sometimes I think maybe I have a chance when she says some things, but I just know I don't stand a chance, I don't think she finds me attractive enough to be a partner.
I just want to love her and be open about it with her, and for her to feel the same way. I want to be that guy that makes her happy 24/7.