Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

she broke my heart when i offered it to her

I'll start from the top. I've known her since we were both kids. She's years younger but has always had a crush on me. I was accepted into her family as one of their own 17 years ago and have been alongside them in joy and severe pain. All these years it seemed like I had something building up inside me for her that would only get stronger each time I would see her. There has always been an awkward silence and gazing looks towards eachother. I've never had the chance to date her but have always been around her. Most times we would enjoy eachothers company when around and generally have great times. I consider her folks my other parents and can talk to them about things I can't say to my own. All these years I've heard from everyone in her family about this crush and her "thing" for me. They know me very well and know I'm a well rounded person that cares and will do anything to help any of them out in any way. She has begun her rebellious phase in life as far as wanting her own life aside from "home". It happens, we've all done it. Part of that is an older guy. I mean 11 years older. Now I'm no saint I'm 8 yrs older than her but I'm not looking to just use her for my own ego like him. He bailed on her at the worst possible time 1 week before a MAJOR LIFE THREATENING scheduled surgery of hers. She plays it out as being ok with her that they talked about him doing this and it was ok. I call bulls**t! Who does that if they care about someone in the least let alone a person you have been dating and living with for the past year? So my choice was to be with her at the hospital. Let her know there's a man other than her dad that will sit by her side in her time of need. By the way that guy called 1 time to see how she was and the call lasted 2 minutes. We began chatting back and forth on the phone and txting for the days after. This was new to us because we hadn't been like that or talked much bc of the things going on in eachothers lives. I didn't feel it was right to get involved with her due to the relationship with her family, but also knowing how I felt about her made me stay close to her. At some point in convos I decided to tell her what I was feeling. That I've been in love with her all these years waiting for the right time to tell her and not knowing when that time was or if I would have the chance ever again. I also said that when I think of marrige or having kids that she was in those thoughts and I don't think about it with anyone else I've dated or other women I've known. She was elated to know that I felt things for her and to know her crush was returned in some way. She was skeptical because I wasn't basing it off a relationship. She also knows her current one isn't going the way she wants with the guy she thinks all these things about. He wants out and she wants to chase him to try to show she can be the woman he wants. I want her but she doesn't want those things with me. So after all the back and forth at one point I got insecure, if I hadn't come across already, and she starts in with"theres other girls out there","how are you so sure of yourself", I need time for myself", "ill always be with you but I just need time", "I'm not ready to be in another relationship","you don't deserve to have your feelings hurt","I'm not ready for another relationship". Basically every nice let down known to a rejected man. She admits that she has feelings for me and that she has a definite attraction to me but I think the desperation on my part washed all that away. Now its no contact and its been over a month. I know she is not in a good place mentally and I'm hopeing she is trying to figure out her situation. She isn't sure of moving up to be with this guy. All of us around her are starting to see her getting back to her old self and it makes us think she is getting back to who she was before him. They still talk and she still says he is her bf. I'm slowly letting her go in my mind but my heart won't let her go anywhere. I think of her day and night like I always have but now it is worse. Now I wake in the middle of the night wishing she was next to me and when I open my eyes to an empty place beside me I get panic attacks that she will never be with me. I know I have to let go and let her live for her no matter what I've said to her and the days get better but I'm just so lost. My brain has begun to switch to the "its her loss" mentality and it helps. Any ideas? I know to move on that if she wanted me she would be with me but life isn't always like that. I just hang on to a bit of hope and take each day for what it is. Can anyone give any insight from a woman's perspective? I'm not looking for pity just some advise. I DO love her with all my heart even if I'm not who she wants to be with. I've wanted to be the man by her side to be strong for and take away the hurt she has been thru. I'm absolutely broken.
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replied February 26th, 2012
I hope a woman answers you.

What I see, is this man is not chasing her, he is willing/wanting to back away, and he must have something she wants...since she is pursuing him.

Try dating someone else, or at least expressing an interest in other women when you speak with her. Move on from her. You may find someone good for you, or you may find that in moving away from her, she will find the desire to pursue.
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replied March 26th, 2012
To any who may read this post. She has decided to move away. Apparently not much I could do or say was going to change her mind. It's a lesson learned for me in the fact that no matter who is a love interest in my life from now on I will guard myself untill I know their feelings rather than pouring myself out only to get broken. I can't help but to feel as if I was betrayed in some way but its also someone elses life to live even if I'm not included in the ways I wanted to be. I distanced myself months ago in preparation for this day and now its has come along. Part of me wants to be angry and bitter but most of that is directed at myself and some at her. I hoped she was going to stay and now I have to let go all over again. This to me is worse that the death of someone because in death you let go knowing they are gone forever, this is someone still out there happy and alive without me.
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