Hi,
Thanks for the query and welcome to the ehealthforum.
When you watch a lot of porn and masturbate with it, then the brain gets more tuned to it than the âreal thingâ as you would have figured out happening with you. It is difficult to tune your brain back to normal I agree, but it is not completely impossible. The reason I say this, is because, brain controls the âsexual pleasureâ that you feel and plays a major role in your âmaintaining erectionâ and âejaculationâ.
To train it back to normal here are few things that you can try. Since your physical was fine, you are eating well and sleeping well, there is hardly advise to be given in these areas. Take multivitamins with zinc supplement in them, they seem to help a little.
1) Stop watching porn, and if you do watch it, DO NOT masturbate. You can go ahead with intercourse when you achieve erection with watching porn.
2) Get intimate with your partner. Ask her help in getting a proper erection and maintaining it. Try the âstart, stop and squeezeâ technique. It helps, but you need to be patient in seeing the results come in.
3) Next comes tuning yourself out of masturbation. This can be done with following these steps:
a). Train your body and brain: You can use the masturbation to train your body and brain to stop erection and last longer. You may not be successful at first attempt, but eventually you will be successful as you grow your confidence levels. Do not rush or be impatient. Your ejaculation/orgasm problem has developed over a long period of time, so, it will not go away in 1-2 days. Follow these steps, to train your brain:
A. Start stimulating yourself. When you have a firm erection, and feel the sensation control it. When you feel the excitement is rising, stop stimulating and squeeze in your crotch and hold for 3 seconds (3 times). You have to stop the stimulation before you feel your ejaculation is near.
B. When your excitement level has lowered down, and you no longer feel like you are at point of ejaculation, start the process again.
C. Repeat the entire process 3 times and ejaculate on fourth attempt.
D. Practice this entire process about 3 times a week for 2 weeks. Look for improvement.
E. On the 3rd week instead of stopping, slow down your hand movement until your excitement dies down then speed up again.
F. Practice this as many times as you can until you feel you can control your ejaculation confidently.
G. Engage with our partner/wife when you are confident about this.
b). Partnership with your partner: Your partner already knows your problem, so discuss with her about the above technique suggested, and ask for her help to overcome it. She will be willing to help you, because she loves you and if your problem is solved, she can also have a satisfied orgasm. Here is what she needs to do to help you.
A. Process here remains same as discussed above, but instead of using your hand you will using her touch (hand or oral as per her and your preference).
B. When your excitement is high enough, signal her to stop. Remember, you have to do it before 'point of no return' or the point where you feel you will ejaculate.
C. When your excitement falls back ask her to start again. Do this for 3 times.
D. On forth, ask her to take you in (she is on top preferably to have a better control over penetration)
E. Keep communicating with her as she moves up and down and when the time comes, you ejaculate inside her. You can delay it here until she is satisfied.
F. Practice this procedure for 3 times (more is the better) a week.
Remember, your partner's satisfaction is important. So get to the controls and help her too to be satisfied. If the foreplay is getting you excited more, reduce on the time that you are involved in the foreplay.
c). Exercise: The best solution for your problem is practicing premature ejaculation exercises. Good exercise program and strict adherence to it has proven 95% success rate.
This works both as a physical and psychological cure. You will learn to relax your body during intercourse. Get rid of any anxiety or mental blocks that you might have.
You learn to exercise the PC (pubococcygeal) muscles, the muscles that control the ejaculation, and use them to prevent you from ejaculating before you want to. It is almost like controlling to hold your urine back.
Repeat this exercise as often as possible (40-50) repetitions per day to train and strengthen the muscles.
d). The Last option: The pills.
These work in two ways:
A. They include little doze of natural anti depression herbal medicine. Ejaculating too fast is often caused by some kind of anxiety. So using little doze of anti depression herbal medicine will work against this anxiety helping you to have your erection last a little longer.
B. They are usually filled with minerals, vitamins and herbal blends necessary for your body to have enough energy for the intercourse.
The pills work in people who have organic problems like Diabetes or Hypertension associated, to help them maintain the erection, not delay the ejaculation. Delaying ejaculation is dependent on your psychological and physical make-up. So the pills do not give the desired effect in many men. Best is to avoid them as their effects are temporary and can lead to further reduction in self confidence levels and mental dissatisfaction.
Go ahead with the above 3 options, they will help you have a long lasting and long term solution to your premature ejaculation. If all the natural options fail to give you the desired solution (over about 3-6 months time after strict adherence), then you will be requiring an examination by your Urologist/Andrologist to rule out organic problems and start you on oral medications.
Now coming to answers of your questions:
1) Is this possible? When I was a teen-ager I would masturbate like 5X/day and still be able to have sex for hours. -----Yes, when you are a teenager, your hormonal levels are still on the rise, so the number of times you masturbate does not matter and you are still able to have fully satisfies intercourse. As you grow older and near your 40âs, the hormonal levels too start diminishing (something like onset of male menopause or andropause), so you do not have the same effect after masturbating.
2) When, & how frequently is masturbating ok? ------masturbating is not required if you are having a healthy sexual life involving penetrative sex about 4-5 times a week. If you are not indulging in penetrative sex, then you can masturbate 1-2 times a day for about 3-4 days a week. Masturbating more than 14 times a week is considered to affect your normal brain stimulus.
3) Is it the porn, or the masturbation that is the problem? How can I maintain a healthy sex drive & be the best I can be?------both are problem. As I have explained earlier, both are interrelated. Go ahead with following the steps suggested, you should start seeing good results soon.
Hope this helps. Take care.
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