I am friends with a girl who I really love but she is all over the board with her feelings about me. Anyway, before I met her I was a virgin. We have been off and on for about 3 months. I'm 37, I waited because, actually, I avoided sex because I was embarrassed because I only have one testicle. I thought I would be looked on as a freak so I just closed down. That, plus I have OCD really bad so I just naturally withdrew from the dating scene. I lost my testicle when I was 17, it twisted, cut off circulation. Anyway, we have gotten together and I know how to "get her off" but when it comes down to penetration I get extremely nervous and have only been able to perform one time. I get so nervous about getting a satisfying erection. She tried giving me a "blow job" last night but I was only half aroused down there. In my mind I was so turned on, but I was also so nervous and instead of letting go and enjoying it, I sat there in a panic. I thought, "get hard, get porn star hard, and cum!" Needless to say, I dropped the ball big time. She has really been understanding but enough is enough. How do I end this problem once and for all? Also, I went on Cialis for a short while, got massive erections but even then, we tried only one time while I was on it and I lost my erection. What's crazy is I can masturbate anytime, no problem. It's just if she is around.......I get so nervous. I really love her. I want to marry her but I don't feel like a man. I want to add that I live in Kansas and I don't have any money, I just got desperate and saw your site. I have lost all joy. I am so burdened and hurt and embarrassed. Life sucks right now. Also, again, I have OCD. I know that is a huge factor in all of this. My OCD is going crazy and even though I can masturbate at will I don't remember the last time I woke up with an erection. I masturbated four times yesterday, just to test things but why do I not wake up aroused anymore and why am I not getting hard at the mere site of seeing her nude? She is an angel, so beautiful. Am I ok? Is there something wrong physically or is it in my head? Also, I should add that I used to be on medication but am not currently on it. I went off my Paxil a month ago thinking that it might have been the problem.
Your problem really sounds like mainly anxiety. Why aren't you taking medication for your OCD? Besides sex, weren't things better with the medication? Didn't you feel better and more in control of your life?
Just remember that you love her and she loves you. If you keep putting pressure on yourself to get hard, you might as well hit it with a rolled up newspaper. Stop thinking about it! Just think about how good it feels to be together, how soft her skin is, how beautiful she is, how safe you feel with her. Relax and let it happen.
A little anxiety early on is normal, so don't think that it's something wrong with you, necessarily. Okay? It happens to a lot of guys.
I would recommend going back to your doctor and getting back on your medication. Also, avoid alcohol and any drugs that aren't prescribed to you. Those are bad for your erection.
Since you can masturbate, I don't think it's physical. It's performance anxiety. Stop thinking so much and the problem will go away on it's own.