Join Our Community!
Share
Mens Health > Sexual Health - Men Forum > Sexual difficulties
Talking openly about the penis is a very personal matter. Learn basic penis anatomy to discuss penile disorders accurately with your doctor....
Penis symptoms that interfere with sexual activity or urination could be serious. Learn the signs and symptoms of penis problems that require a doctor's help....
How do urologists evaluate and diagnose painful penis? A penis disorder is a medical problem. Learn more about possible diagnoses for penis disorders now....
User Profile
Q: Sexual difficulties
asked by: chibi on April 14th, 2008
New User
Hi all

Not sure if this is the right forum but what the hell.

Basically I'm dating a guy, we've been together for 6 months now and we've both said we love each other. He and I both have very different views on sex. I'm not sex-obsessed (since tbh it usually hurts me) but I do enjoy to have sex every now and again, whereas he doesn't really like it, he'd be happy to cut it out of his life completely.
He's a complicated person when it comes to sex. We both enjoy oral sex and mutual masturbation a lot and we're always up for experimenting because we're both very open people. But when it comes to sex he seems like he's not interested. It seems like whenever we have sex it's like he's doing it just to keep me happy, which I don't want, I want to have sex with someone who wants to as well. And sometimes he just doesn't seem to stay in the mood, he'll be very hard one minute and lifeless the next. Am I doing something wrong? In the rest of the relationship we seem good, it's just the sexual stuff that seems to go wrong.
Recently whenever we've started to get "in the mood" and we've started to have oral sex or something I'll usually please him for a while then we'll swap over but recently he's sort of started pleasing me, then he'll stop and we'll end up stopping everything after a while, like he's bored of it and then I'm pretty much left hanging. Confused
Also, something else that confuses me greatly, he doesn't like to come when he's with me. He's only ever came once during me giving him a hj and that's only because I didn't stop. He won't come during sex even while wearing a condom because he thinks "it's weird". For me I personally like it when a guy does, and I think it gives quite a nice climax (in every sense) to the night, but he doesn't.

Any suggestions? Does any other couple have this problem??
Did you find this post useful?
|
Replies(11)
User Profile
marvel
replied on April 15th, 2008
Supporter
I don't have this problem, BUT: I think maybe he's hiding something. I don't mean something huge like he's got a disease or he's cheating or anything. I think there's something psychological at work... no man in his right mind would turn down sex... or not want to orgasm after foreplay for that matter... unless there's something in his head reminding him or telling him it's not supposed to happen. You might have to do some probing to see what's going on. THis can put a serious strain on a relationship, and I think getting to the bottom of it could only benefit.

I'm not saying he's crazy or anything, but try asking him why if you haven't already.
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
chibi
replied on April 15th, 2008
New User
I've tried asking him about it and his reply is always "because it's horrible"
He just seems to have this problem with bodily fluids, he said to me "Bodily fluids are just wrong, blood is possibly the only one I don't mind, and I prefer it to stay inside my body."
I don't know, it probably is completely psychological but I know he genuinely isn't bothered about sex Confused
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
Aunt WeeWee
replied on April 15th, 2008
Experienced User
I'm not tryin 2 sound mean or out tha way, so excuse me if i affend u, but.......... Is he gay? I jus ask that because i have neva heard of a man turning down sex & thinking its weird the cum. Maybe he really is hiding something.... I would be very concerned & would be asking some questions & not stopping until i get answers. Thats just me.
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
chibi
replied on April 15th, 2008
New User
He's bisexual, as am I, we both know that (no offence taken btw ^^). That's never been an issue though, in fact, I think we both enjoy being with each other more because we're both so open minded about things like that. We do try to talk about things like this but sometimes he's very contradicitve, he'll say something then try to explain more and then end up saying the opposite of what he's just said.
Well I don't know really, he hasn't had very much experience and before we went out he had been single for over 1.5 yrs Confused But I asked him if he'd ever come inside someone before and he said no because he thought it was disgusting. I've tried telling him that it's silly for him to dismiss something before trying it (because he's not usually like that at all)
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
Keeba88
replied on April 15th, 2008
Experienced User
Yea, i'm in shock with this situation. Everytime my boyfriend and i have had intercourse he has always finished. If he has such a problem with body fluids, how can he perform oral sex on you? I mean hes putting his fluids from his mouth on you and putting your fluids from down there in his mouth. But he has a problem with finishing off into a condom? Is it because he doesn't like body fluids or is it because he's afraid of getting you pregnant? Could it be something like that?

I wish the best of luck to you, and i really hope you figure out something between you guys. Maybe try explaining to him that if you could understand more about why he thinks its so disgusting it can better your relationship.
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
chibi
replied on April 15th, 2008
New User
Believe me I've tried asking him and he can never give me a better answer than "because it's weird/gross/unnatural/etc" (which I think is rubbish personally, how can that be unnatural??)
He said that being scared of getting me pregnant is a given, but we've had sex without condoms before (I'm on the pill and we've both been checked) and it didn't bother him. It's just every time we have sex sometimes I'll finish, sometimes I won't, but he never does, even if he's very close he'll just stop.

Though albeit all this weirdness it is nice to date a guy who prefers to just snuggle up at night Smile
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
Keeba88
replied on April 15th, 2008
Experienced User
I agree snuggling is a must! Smile it just makes us ladies feel so loved and so comforted. It just like sayig "i love you" and realy really meaning it! Well i'm glad that snuggling is going for you. GOOD LUCK HUN!
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
chibi
replied on April 15th, 2008
New User
Heehee thankies ^^
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
Aunt WeeWee
replied on April 15th, 2008
Experienced User
WOW! I have never heard anything like this before. Its crazy. Most guys want to cum inside girls.... Idk what to tell you. Its good that you guys can communicate & talk about stuff like that though!
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
marvel
replied on April 16th, 2008
Supporter
I still think that there is something else at work. Either a physical problem or a psychological phobia or unexplained problem he has. Be patient... that's probably what he needs.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
Dreadmuse
replied on April 21st, 2008
New User
Well... to each his own.. even though it is pretty odd. There are several things you can do. If you are suspecting that it is something about you, think about how he is around body fluids. Think about how he reacts when people sneeze, door handles, runny noses, public toilets. If he doesn't seem to have a problem with other instances (just intimacy) then I would say you two need to have a serious talk.

It sounds to me like he may just have a severe reaction to body fluids, perhaps the smell, the feel.... any number of things... but the most important thing is to talk to him about it. Perhaps find another way so that he can find his release, as well as you without him having to face it. Be creative...

The Dreadful Muse
Did you find this post useful?
|
Quick Reply
Search