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Q: Sexual desires not matched
asked by: BridgetWolf on June 23rd, 2009
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We started off our relationship having sex twice a day. after 4 months or so, due to time, we decided to stick to once a day. that lasted for the next 6 months. But now, in the few 3 months, my boyfriend doesn't even want to have sex with me. Mostly because he is tired from work but he isn't tired enough because he plays video games all night or chats online or jokes around with friends. Since he is gone every day of the week day, I end up doing all his chores, my chores and the entire house work inside and out of the home I'm staying in. On top of that I have a job every week day, but I get to sleep in abit more than he does but I cant, because when he wakes up at five I make him his breakfast and lunch and i have so much trouble falling back to sleep.
Everytime I'm in the mood, he just looks at me like Im a piece of garbage, and boom, i get mad. I have to even dress up in these frilly lingerie to even start to turn him on these days. But he has broken the line last night. He said he needs a break from my sexual desires. Its been 3 days since we had sex and I told him " I'm sorry if you turn me on. " I hate shaving everywhere and putting on lotion and taking birth control if he's not even interested. But most of all, I feel like garbage about myself and wonder if I'm adequate. Last time I was ontop he said I'm not doing a good enough job. Everytime Im ontop, I work as hard as I can for him. I only get tired after 10 minutes, it usually takes him around 10-15 minutes and in the last 5 minutes when i AM tired, I work extra hard because i want him to be happy. When he's ontop, when he used to be, he only lasted 5 minutes. When we used to have sex,I did whatever he wanted me to, even if Ive had bad experiences with it in the past, and even if i dont like it, just because Im willing to. He doesnt even have to do any work sometimes when I really want it. But Im confused as to why he wants quits. He said all the times we've ever had sex is because ive forced it upon him and I know for a FACT that is not true. Ive asked for it more than he does but i know that when he wants it, even if im in sooo much pain and say no seriously, he will keep doing inappropriate things to me all night and i dont get any sleep until he gets his way. When i said this to him he said "well im sorry if youre such a F* horny B*" or "Youre such a wh0r3" Which I really am not, I stay true to him, and I respect it when he isn't in the mood. I back off.
Im so worried he's cheating on me but after many many fights Ive learned his WORD is good, but Im still curious about his actions. He's made alot of broken promises in the past.
Anyways, Im really tired of not having any sex and I know its only been three days, but im young, and carefree and I really enjoy sex with my boyfriend. Im just confused as to why all of a sudden, he isn't. I barely get to see him as is, and now, I get to be with him even less. He's obviously having a good time at work he has plenty of funny stories to tell the family, and there's nothing wrong with each of us During sex, so I dont see the problem. But I need to.
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JavaMissus
replied on June 25th, 2009
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When you eat chocolate cake all the time, you will get sick of it...Too much of anything no longer makes this a special dessert...The secret is not to eat too much of a special food....Have lots of vegetables along the line and intermingle them with carbo's...Try to keep a healthy and well balanced diet....When you pig out, you get sick of your favorite food....Space it out girl....You will bore him to death....

Caroline
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BridgetWolf
replied on June 25th, 2009
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im sorry to hear that. it's hard Razz I guess im just too young Razz
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JavaMissus
replied on June 25th, 2009
Moderator
No, your not too young or not too old...Many women love sex...Passion has no age limit...However, a man's feelings and wants along these same lines not only vary, but they change...A woman can have sex three times a day with no hardships...A man can soon feel the pain from his sexual performance...He does all the work...We do nothing...He not only has to perform for himself, but also to pleasure us...As I have said, too much, can force too little...Soon they will tire of this unleashed and unrestrained passion of woman...This makes him feel inadequate...She is showing him that she is more sexually empowered than he is...He consider this a threat...And well he might...She is always on fire and he is tired...

This is a part of yourself that you MUST learn to control...A man wants a sexual woman, but not one that is always the aggressor...He wants to be the leader, and not be lead by a leash...This you must learn to figure out as these are some of the ways of hot love in years ahead....Oh, and may I add....I speak from many years of experience....

Caroline
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BridgetWolf
replied on June 30th, 2009
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I took your advice and he took it as me giving up, so we spend our days as usual with no sexual action, and he does himself at work, in the shower and at home.
I feel so left out but every time I ask to join he tells me to eat him and swallow it. He knew its the one thing I cannot do because of an old relationship I had where the guy constantly made me do that and I always gagged and it ended up where I feel like vomiting.
But, I guess this is better for him. I'm still willing to go ontop and do anything he wants just, not eat him. I wish he would try to be with me again.
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JavaMissus
replied on June 30th, 2009
Moderator
Hi Bridget: I don't blame you...Really selfish...I wouldn't blow him and swallow either..Men are a different bred...They have this one outlet in their sexual life...We women are the lucky ones...Like a Timex watch, we could go on and on and on...This is our problem and like you, many of us share these same feelings...I, being one of them...Like you I could be sexual three times a day...Not every day, but girl I could really get it on...Once we have been truly awakened of this magic that we feel inside of us from the male penis, we are never the same...However, the male is a different sort...He can stimulate himself and probably get off better than he does with us...Now add to this that he has to stimulate us first before he ever finds this pleasure of orgasm that he hopes to find....I believe that this is the main reason why men love to masturbate...However, their pleasuring themselves can sometimes backfire in the end when they no longer can both do this and have lost the staying power to satisfy a woman....

There are not too many men out there that can have sex three times a day....At least not on a regular basis...Yet, what you have been seeing is ridiculous...He is happy being his own favorite lover and you are invited along only if you complete this task for him....My advice would be find someone of your sexual wants and desires..Don't mess with this guy....He is selfish and will never make you happy...A woman needs to be made sexually happy....This releases the stress and sexual tension that we have as a woman....Just part of who we are...

There are so many things to know about being a woman that I could go on for days...Not only learning yourself, but teaching your partner/husband at the same time...Kind of our tightrope act to learn in life...But oh, what fun it is when we have reached perfection...

I think you are fantastic...Don't change...

Caroline
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BridgetWolf
replied on July 2nd, 2009
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Thank you.
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W0LF
replied on July 29th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Bridgetwolf

His behavior seems really mean spirited, almost abusive. I'm not sure why he can't tell you no thankyou when you're interested in sex and he's not up for it. Has his attitude been a recent change or has he always been a little abusive?
Also a lot of men feel more comfortable when they're the aggressor but most are just happy to be sharing intimacy with their mate. His responses don't sound like a man threatened so much as a man who takes you for granted. Have you guys recently been fighting about things other than sex? Have you had financial problems or other household issues you're struggling with?
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