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Sex is not pleasurable

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I'm 24 years old & when ever I have sex I don't feel any pleasure what so ever & I don't stay wet for very long. I can feel him inside me but that's it. I've tried different types of lubricants, toys & nothing has worked. Any suggestions???
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replied October 5th, 2010
some suggestions
is there something mentally that maybe stopping you from feeling aroused? and how many times a week would you have sex? if you are trying to have sex a few times a week, try stopping altogether for maybe a month, but in that time, think about sex. watch porn, perve on guys, think about how good it feels to have your partner pleasuring you. see if u can get ur sexual juices flowing. also try having sex without the penetration like mutual masterbation, touching, carressing, kissing etc. sex is soooo not all about the penetraton. take your time, lots of foreplay, tell eachother dirty little things throught the day like "i love when you kiss my neck" and things like that. sometimes the part that gets you really aroused is the anticpation of having sex. build it up enough and you will be begging to be penetrated! listen to your emotions and ask yourself "am i really in the mood?" and learn what things get u in the mood. also try a supliment like horney goat weed, that can boost your labido. the wierdest of all....listen to your vagina. yeah wierd i know. be aware of how it feels. is it excited? tingling with anticipation, does it want to be penetrated? talk it into it. think about your partner slowly sliding into you, how it first feels, hm holding you close and the intimacy you are sharing. last of all, pelvic floor excercises strenghten your muscles down there whch helpes increase blood flow which makes you aroused easier.
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replied October 5th, 2010
Especially eHealthy
srprzy85, When looking at female orgasm issues, it is useful to figure out if you have an orgasm problem (primary anorgasmia), or just an intercourse problem (secondary anorgasmia).

These two things are treated and resolved in different ways. For primary anorgasmia you must be taught how to orgasm. For secondary anorgasmia you already know how to orgasm and you must be taught the techniques on how to also orgasm during intercourse.

Do you orgasm when you masturbate?
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replied October 5th, 2010
susan862003 wrote:
srprzy85, When looking at female orgasm issues, it is useful to figure out if you have an orgasm problem (primary anorgasmia), or just an intercourse problem (secondary anorgasmia).

These two things are treated and resolved in different ways. For primary anorgasmia you must be taught how to orgasm. For secondary anorgasmia you already know how to orgasm and you must be taught the techniques on how to also orgasm during intercourse.

Do you orgasm when you masturbate?


Not from inside, but I can from my clitoris.
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replied October 5th, 2010
Especially eHealthy
srprzy85, What you are experiencing is the norm for most woman. Unfortunately that is not what you saw on TV, in movies or read in books where the stars experience glorious earth shattering simultaneous orgasms after just a few seconds or minutes of intercourse.

Your orgasm depends on the nerve endings in your genitals getting stimulated continiously until they flood and overload your brain with sensations. These nerve endings are located mostly in your clitoris (even more nerve endings than in a man's penis) and around your vaginal entrance.

Most women does not have many nerve endings deep inside her vagina, just around the opening.

Some women have the structures known as the g-spot that can be stimulated through the front wall of the vagina. These structures are only detected in some women.

To further complicate matters for women, in about 70% of all women, their clitorises are too far away from their vaginal entrances so that the clitoris get very little stimulation during intercourse.

The result is secondary anorgasmia, much to the frustration of the woman and almost always, her partner. Most men actually want to please their partners.

Since you already know how to bring yourself to orgasm during masturbation, you do not need to learn that skill. What you need to do is to bring those skills and what you learned while masturbating to the bedroom.

There is a very special sexual position/technique called C.A.T. (Coital Alignment Technique). This is an advanced position better left for a long term relationship. You can use the google to search the interwebs for information about C.A.T. Couples learning it are well rewarded and simultaneous orgasms are often the result. With normal sex, simultaneous orgasms are a real rarity in real life, except with C.A.T.

For more casual sex, you need to get your clitoris stimulated during intercourse. You already know how to do it. Just stick your hand down there and rub. Or get to a position where your partner can do it. You can also use a small vibrator on your clitoris.

There are some positions where this is easier: Any position where your feet are off the bed will give you access to your clitoris, doggy is another where your partner can also help and you on top is the best.

When you are on top, you control the movement, depth, angle and pace. You can grind down on his pubic bone to stimulate your clitoris, you can go forwards and backwards in stead of up and down. You or your partner can also use fingers or a small vibrator on your clitoris.

You may also want to show him how you masturbate. You can even take his fingers and lead him. This might feel funny but you will not be able to wipe the smile off his face for quite a while. This way he will know how you like to be toughed.

Brand new research also shows that your orgasm has much less to do with foreplay length and much more to do with penile-vaginal intercourse. So do not just give up too soon.

It is important that you leave all body and self image issues you have outside the bedroom. You are there to enjoy each other, not to judge or be judged. Make sure you are safe and you are well lubricated. Use a good quality water based or silicone based personal lubricant and top up regularly. You can reinvigorate water based lube by adding a few drops of water every once in a while.

I hope this helps!
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replied October 27th, 2010
Hi everyone, I've just come across this forum and think I may be able to shed a bit of light on the situation.

I'm 23 and have been single for 5 years. I first had sex aged 16 and was with that boyfriend until the age of 18. During sex I never felt anything. I mean, I could feel that I had something inside me, but there didn't seem to be any point to it, and I got no pleasure from it. Sometimes I would be wet and sometimes I wouldn't, however I never felt anything. Afraid of upsetting him I kept quiet and pretended to enjoy it, although I never faked an orgasm. I just played along until he came, then finished and I always felt rubbish about myself.
Over the past 5 years I've slept with quite a lot of people, always thinking that with one of them I'd feel something that I've never felt before. However the more people I got with, the more I got it into my head that something was wrong with me, and nothing ever happened.
So then we get to May this year, when I decided to go to my doctor and explain it. I told her what I thought- that there was something wrong with my body and I wasn't sexual. I was a mess and couldn't stop crying. It had got to me so badly and was on my mind 24/7.
I was referred to a counsellor which is when I realised that there's nothing wrong with me, or any of you. With women, sexual pleasure is mainly psychological, so you have to be 'turned on'(tuned into your sexual feelings), and have nothing else on your mind, to be able to feel sexual pleasure. With me, sometimes my mind and body weren't connecting. So I could be with a guy I was comfortable with and therefore I'd get wet, however because in my mind I was thinking 'will he know that I'm pretending' or 'i hate the fact that i'm not sexual', then my mind wasn't linking to my body...
It can be something as small as not feeling good about yourself, or in my case, thinking that your partner is too good for you and feeling indequate... worrying about something.
My counsellor has started me off with sensual exercises-learning about my body... and now I've had a few 'twinges' of sexual feelings... nowhere near an orgasm but it's only been 5 months which may sound a long time, but I'm changing habits that I've had for years.
There's a book - Becoming Orgasmic by Julia R.Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo that explains all of this so well and if you're anything like me you'll read it and be like 'wow, i'm normal'.
Try to sort this out now and don't just hide it from partners as it will eat you up. A lot of women get married, have children, and then admit their problem to their partners at the age of 35 when they realise they can't go through with the lies anymore.
I hope this helps
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replied October 1st, 2012
There is another post quite similar to yours from a woman of roughly the same age. You are not alone. I am a healthy 23 year old female who has been sexually active for the past 10 years, and has never experienced the slightest bit of sexual pleasure from internal stimulation of ANY kind (penile, toys, etc.) I have tried everything, and nothing works. I can experience pleasure and orgasm clitorally, but that is all. I have only been with my ex of 4 years and my fiance now, and it was the same with both. I've discussed the matter with my physician and gynecologist, and both were completely stumped and gave me the impression that my confession was not a common complaint that they receive. If it IS common, women certainly aren't talking about it out of what I can definitely understand would be shame and embarrassment. I even had my testosterone levels tested and everything came back normal. I have zero interest in intercourse and would rather stick forks in my eyes than have it, which ultimately affects my relationship. I feel used and bored when it happens, and it depresses me. I think that like most other things, women are all different, and some just don't experience pleasure internally. Regardless, you're not abnormal, and you're not alone!
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replied October 1st, 2012
Community Volunteer
Hi miss_redhead89....You are completely right...Most women do not know what a true hot sexual orgasm with a man is...They don't know what it feels like to beg for him to fill you up and make you complete...This, to me, is one of the saddest things in the world...

Often I am tempted to do a post on the erotic lust and need that a woman can have for a man...But, I hesitate...My first words would be "Younger girls have sexual intercourse way too early in life...They never have the time to learn of the want that can be created"....Take care...

Caroline

End Of That Story....
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