I am a 35 year old female, been in the same relationship for 4 years now and when we DO have sex and we are BOTH into it, it's amazing!
Here is the problem though. I don't have kids, he does (3 of them) and there are times when we are just too tired or too busy or whatever to make time for us.
When we do have sex, if it's not after lengthy foreplay, I can't cum. It feels wonderful, just it takes me forever & I know it's so frustrating for my fiancee because he feels it's his fault.
It's becoming a major issue and I'm scared it will continue to affect our relationship more negatively.
I know it's not him but it's also not due to my lack of willingness. I love sex and if possible I know we could several times a day; but I have to force it initially sometimes.. Once I do, it's like a switch is flipped and I can't get enough, but I feel I shouldn't have to coax the switch to come on.
I used to be horny all the time & now it's like I go through a dry spell till reactivated by him, then I stay that way till we have relationship issues & it dwindles again.
I need help though, anyone have any issues similar to this? help!? please!
Stress and tiredness can do this to you. Did you try early morning sex after a night's rest.
There is also a misunderstanding about sexual arousal - men become aroused because they are horny, women become horny when they are aroused. It is the 'switch' effect you are describing. With age and as a relationship matures, this becomes more noticeable.
On the orgasm issue, do you still orgasm easily when you masturbate? Did you ever have easy orgasm during intercourse with this partner?
If I am not stressed, then yes, I can orgasm easily. With porn, almost always. I do best with sex at night, in the AM I am quite dry (we drink alot & I wonder if this affects it) and it takes a while to 'get the juices flowing' per se. I have never been one to orgasm a lot though; I wish I was, I would love to squirt.
Easy orgasm with this partner..? Um.. I love when he does oral (better than I have ever experienced) and I think that has been my downfall too since I need that to get started. I can usually cum, but it takes a lot of foreplay & about 15-30 min of it..
Alcohol is definitely an issue getting to a climax. It will make you horny and aroused up to a point and then affect your ability to arouse. It does also affect your ability to progress your sexual response cycle and make it a very timely process to get to orgasm.
You have to remember that your sexual response is dependent on your clitoris being stimulated continuously until you orgasm. Even during sex. Most women do not get enough stimulation to orgasm during intercourse. So you have to take things in your own hands. Either one of you can stick a finger down there and rub, you can get on top and grind, or you can find information about the Coital Alignment Technique (C.A.T.). Some positions are better for rubbing your clitoris. You can also uase a small clitoral vibrator for this.
A good personal lubricant can make any intercourse better. It does not matter how well you self lubricate, lube will improve sex. So maybe try a bit of lube with morning sex and see if you have a better time in the morning. Recent scientific studies found that to be the case by a large margin. Also make sure to get to some arrangement where you can get extended intercourse when you want it. So plenty of time for foreplay and oral and intercourse. It is ok to have quicky sex and not orgasm as long as you know you can have your needs met when you want to.